im friendless

so im 17 doing A-levels at college and dont really have m8s outside of college i used too when i went school ...well 2 or 3 that i could talk too then i moved. i tend to just be a nerd at college and do work. i dont know whether it's because i'm not part of this under-age drinking culture as i know i wont get served but then again sitting in a nightclub on my own wouldn't go down either would it. i have 1 friend outside of family and college. i probably dont make the effort. the hobbies i have are quite unsociable aswell (computing, films, tv) which makes small talk hard ok well films and tv aren't but... i guess i'm shy. even at school i was a "tag-a-long" as kindly pointed out by the group i used to "tag-a-long" with. i do chat with them mates online just no one goes out much now. i am academically driven so maybe it's me. i was in the library 2day some girls invited me over but then ended it with "every time i see u your on your own do you have any friends at college?" so i guess it was a sympathy vote or just to alienate me. i started noticing i have no friends for about 2weeks now and now it's bothering me. am i just an unapproachable person? if so what can i do about it?

i feel like a weirdo coming on to the internet asking for help and admitting i have no friends! talk about "hanging my dignity out to dry" so be gentle

Colleges have many, many extracurricular groups, pick one, for you,and hopefully that will do the trick..or try online communities that are local, then meet up with people there where you live, meetup.com has groups of people meet up doing whichever activity you pick out if you have a diagnosis you could go to a support group all my best friends are from a local support group dbsalliance.org (click on find support) people here are open to friendships and feelings such, as these

Hi, so sorry you're feeling lonely. I know the feeling all too well, I myself don't have any friends. Just my boyfriend and that's long distance a lot of the time. I've been too depressed and had loads more problems to deal with though so I've been putting it aside. But, lately I've been looking for groups to join etc and I second junerain on going on meetup.com ... it's really useful.
I'm now a volunteer at a youth organisation... maybe that would be something that would interest you? Or any type of volunteering. If you're academically driven it would look great on your cv, you'd be helping people out, you'd be meeting new people. Or, if you don't fancy doing something and not getting paid, a part time job outside of school hours is also a great way to meet new people.

Best wishes, hope I helped a little.
Molly

"I'm now a volunteer at a youth organisation... maybe that would be something that would interest you?" yh i know my local police force do voluntary work, i'm not so much as lonely. just lack of good friends i got some mates. there's a difference

Im 42 and in the last 25 years I only had 2 friends my wife being one of them. I understand now that not all of us need alot of friends . Well some people do and base their happiness on how many friends they have and need to be the center of attention .I like a more simple life with out all the compercation of too many people to firgure out . I am very happy to have just one or two good friends dont make your self feel like **** over what other people make you think you need to be happy .I tried it for years but just made me fell worst not having 50 friends i was always the odd one out in that crowd and it didnt make me happy to belong in a jones vs. jones world .When you stop trying to be friends with the wrong people the right person will come along .Just the way i look at life now.

True friends are the rarest thing, best advice? to have a friend, be a friend...

the more things you join, the more chance, that someone, somewhere, will end up, down the road, a good friend...

I agree about the meetup.com. I've just joined my local group&am meeting some of them for the 1st time later today. One thing you may not have thought about is that it takes time to meet people that you'd even want to spend time with&even more time is needed to build up the trust&comaraderie of a true friend. My Dad lately has repeated to me, "Choose your friends carefully." I can't agree more with him. I've been burned so many times it's not even funny. When in high school, I went for a full year not talking to anyone. I got teased&insulted,but, I just ignored them because the people making the comments didn't know me, they just judged. You'll find that that's unfortunately true-judgement without knowledge, especially when you're mentally ill. Big bit of advice-don't share your diagnosis with ANYONE until you've known them for several years. That's why I also recommend meetup.com, there are groups for specific mental illnesses&you won't be judged if you meet up with them because they've got the same problems. Hope you can find some friends-plural-it's not good to rely on only a few people-you'll get burned.

hey ryan,

i can relate to your post because i, too, have only 1 platonic friend. i don't go to school anymore, i graduated last year. then i got "sick" (with mental illness of course) and have been rotting at home ever since.

if you like computing and films and the likes, can you find some groups in your area that are related to that? usually you'll be bound to socialize with others and possibly find new friends.

i guess from your way of writing that you are in the UK. that's good, i would guess you have some activity over there. i'm in finland, here we have nothing, but i did find an art group and took part in it, and voila, found a friend! after maybe a few weeks?

and one thing i have found helpful is this. if it creeps you out, ok, but i'm going to say it anyway. try this site called "okcupid". just google it and put a profile up. i know it's a dating site, but you can also put in your profile that you are just looking for friends. i think there are many people from the UK. it's easier to approach people there than on myspace or facebook - everybody's looking for something there - on myspace people just want to show off their pictures to their friends and have pages and pages of beautiful people on their friends list and never really talk to them.

(off-topic: i met my bf on okcupid, been dating for over a year now, also met other awesome people on that site, that's why i recommend it.)

hope this helps. people need people. even if it's just 1 or 2. 1 is good, 2 is much better. =)

hugs,
twilight

Hi Ryan

I have had similar experiences at college as well. I'm focused on my school work and tend to be a "tag along" with two other classmates in my program. I feel very much alone and isolated. It makes the pressures of academics seem overwhelming being alone and "friendless".

I wish I could help you, but I am in the same boat as you are in.

Zen888

I have no advice to offer. But I'm 33 and I haven't had friends since I graduated highschool. In highschool I had 3, 2 were kind of close, and one was the friend's older sister who was nice.

I don't know where to meet people who I could be friends with x] So, I still have none. Lonely isn't fun, so I truly hope you find some nice people and make some friends Best of luck.