[ScaredSad]

I have zero trouble making friends. I have oodles of trouble keeping friends.

I'm not overly cruel, critical, abusive, or weird, I just isolate and start to neglect the relationship, turn down invitiations, etc.

I have tons of excuses for not going to weddings, dinner parties, lunch dates, whatever... and I rarely, if ever, get sad that I missed the event.

I just ignored what was probably an awesome all day engagement party for a friend and I'm getting ready to ignore a lunch date... and I want to not do this anymore.

I'm almost 30 and it's totally my fault that I don't have any close relationships. I have a gazillion acquaintances and no one to call if my car breaks down. I have no one to get out of bed at 4 am if my house catches on fire. I have no one to inherit my cats if I die. That sucks.

I like being alone. I love it and I cherish my me time but I have to build some relationships that go beyond the superficial meet and greets.

Any tips? Pointers? I have equal problems meeting guys to date. I push things into the friend category immediately.

For what it's worth, I was raised in a severely abusive home with parents who are still fairly unstable and abusive though I live several hundred miles away now. I grew up without the opportunity to form any close relationships so I never really learned how to let people in...

Thanks for your suggestions, be well.

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by ScaredSad

I have zero trouble making friends. I have oodles of trouble keeping friends.

I'm not overly cruel, critical, abusive, or weird, I just isolate and start to neglect the relationship, turn down invitiations, etc.

I have tons of excuses for not going to weddings, dinner parties, lunch dates, whatever... and I rarely, if ever, get sad that I missed the event.

I just ignored what was probably an awesome all day engagement party for a friend and I'm getting ready to ignore a lunch date... and I want to not do this anymore.

I'm almost 30 and it's totally my fault that I don't have any close relationships. I have a gazillion acquaintances and no one to call if my car breaks down. I have no one to get out of bed at 4 am if my house catches on fire. I have no one to inherit my cats if I die. That sucks.

I like being alone. I love it and I cherish my me time but I have to build some relationships that go beyond the superficial meet and greets.

Any tips? Pointers? I have equal problems meeting guys to date. I push things into the friend category immediately.

For what it's worth, I was raised in a severely abusive home with parents who are still fairly unstable and abusive though I live several hundred miles away now. I grew up without the opportunity to form any close relationships so I never really learned how to let people in...

Thanks for your suggestions, be well.

Wow this sounds just like me... Unfortunately, I never, ever addressed it! Please seek some therapy to learn how to become more social and not to isolate yourself...no matter what you think, it is not healthy! Not only has this come home to roost for me, but not that I have a child it has made my life very, very difficult because she obviously doesn't want to live like this. She wants and needs to be around friends and family, and now I am trying to overcome this social anxiety/phobia that I have....not a good thing! Learning to let people in and to socialize is a challenge, but you can do it and be a better person for it!

TJ

[AllyH88]

Scared Sad,

I've been there. I know the feeling. One time I had moved away, but moved back (to be closer to my parents) when I realized that not only did I not have any support in the new city, but that if I died, there wouldn't be anyone to even notice it.

Anyway, I totally agree with the above post that therapy, especially group therapy, can help you to uncover reasons or behaviours that may be contributing to your difficulty in forming close friendships. Afterall, our acquaintances won't tell us why they don't want to be closer to us!!

Secondly, you mention that you enjoy your independence. Maybe it would be beneficial to ask yourself why you would like to have closer friendships. Really ask yourself. Is it because you really want to share your life with someone or is it to subdue that sick feeling that makes you think without close friendships you're not really important?

[Doh2007]

In addition to those great ideas, you might think of taking some kind of class or joining a church or social group. That takes some of the pressure off a one-on-one relationship.