[maymie]

I'm stressed out, actually more like annoyed because people just assume something is okay. They know I'm too nice to say no so they go ahead and do something without asking me because they know I'm not going to fight them on it.
I'll give you a good example. My sister has been in Iraq for 9 months. We haven't spoken or seen each other and she comes home next weekend. She missed my birthday so when she gets back we had planned to go eat. When we talked about going to eat we talked about it just being the 2 of us. Us spending sister time together but she just automatically invited the guy she's been seeing. I haven't seen her in 9 months and she is so much more concerned about him than seeing me. I know that it shouldn't bother me considering she's been like this forever but it does bother me and another reason it bothers me is because he was over there with her so she saw him to some degree. Yes, I know that they probably didn't see each other all the time and go on dates but still she saw him and yet its been 9 months since I saw her and her main concern is him. But my point is that she invites him without asking me if its okay because she knows I won't say no. I know how its going to be, its going to be her and him talking and me out of every conversation. I was so happy when she got back into the states and I couldn't wait to see her and hear her voice. I cried for her and worried about her. I prayed for her and wished that I could talk to her and yet she hasn't changed. Its all about him. The guy she is with. Yes, I get it. I really do. She's in love. She thinks he's the one and that is great. Don't get me wrong I'm thrilled for her. But now i"m hurt because I missed her. Every time the news came on and mentioned Iraq my first thought was her. But now that I know she's safe I don't even want to see her. I'm angry, sad, upset. All I asked for was 2 hours of just her and I. I don't want the whole day...heck I don't even want half a day. I just wanted 2 hours of me and her time but no asking for that and her giving me that is like killing her. She knows I'm not going to say no so she goes ahead and does it. Goes ahead and invites someone to go eat with us when she knows I wanted it to be just us. Yes, I know I'm probably being selfish, stupid, or childish but I'm hurt right now and I just want to scream and cry.

[bflatgary]

Maynie,

Don't beat yourself up. I don't think you are being selfish at all. Sometimes it is important to have just two people. There are things you and your sister ned to talk about that do not pertain to the boyfriend. If he is a reasonable guy he will understand. He probably doesn't want to hear all the "girl talk" anyway. I know I wouldn't. Call her and ask her to come without him, and tell her that you can meet him next time. Good luck!

bfG

[gst141]

Hi, Maybe your sister didn't know that the you wanted just the two of you, when you said you wanted to go to lunch.. so maybe she just assumed....
I am sure if you share with her that you only wanted to some alone sister to sister time.. I bet she is excited to get home and get together with everyone.
Glad your sister is coming home... Thank her very much for her courage and service for our country.
gst

[Capp]

maymie, your feelings are valid and certainly understandable so please don't beat yourself up!
I agree that being direct with her may be your best option...don't assume that she truly knows that you want this time alone with her.

I'd like to add a personal experience, and I offer my apology in advance if you are offended...
During the Vietnam war, I served two tours as an Army nurse. In no way can I adequately express the bond that develops between people serving together during war time. #1 is a quiet slip into trusting another person to cover your back while you are also earning their trust.
There is never any intent on leaving any family or friends out of your life, nor is there any desire to hurt them. Quite frankly, we need reminded there is life after combat situations.
Please give your sister that gentle reminder and she will respond to it. It did take me a few months when I came home to remember what it was like to be a civilian...
To this day, there are "buds" that I would take a bullet for and I know they would do the same for me.

Her action is no reflection on you...it's more likely a reaction to being home and wanting all your loved ones together.
Transition to civilian life is hard on everyone.

Best wishes!
Cap

[Perna]

I would just tell her how you feel and that you want just the two of you to go. They get along fine and I'm sure he won't mind not coming/being told by her that it's just going to be you two sisters!

[digdug]

Good responses here. I just wanted to add that I have a problem sometimes telling people exactly what I want, and then I get mad at myself for putting myself in a situation I don't want. You can really spiral downward when you don't assert youself, but I know - I do know - that it can be hard.

On the flipside, you'd be amazed how easy it is to get the things you want if you ask for them. Tell your sister how much some alone time would mean to you, and then take it from there. If you ask me, she would be crazy not to want to spend some time just with her only sibling (assuming it's just the two of you)...but like Capp said she's been through what we would think of as such a surreal situation that her mindset might not be what you'd expect. So I would suggest patience as well.

But don't get mad at yourself for wanting something that's perfectly reasonable, and don't get mad because you have a hard time expressing yourself. You're definitely not alone on that front.

[stranger182]

Your not wrong.
It totally sucks.
Espiacally for the fact that she picked him over you after missing
your birthday.
It can make anybody want to cry forever and feel let down.
Here's what you should do, next time you see her or so talk to her, let her know how you felt about what she did and dont feel wrong in anyway.
I'm sorry that you felt like that. It really hurts when some one does these kind of things like walking all over you.

[Miracle1986]

((((maymie))))