It's a Twin Thing...

So, I don't talk about this a lot...or at all for that matter. But I feel like sharing it today. I have a twin and do you know what the common question is that I get from people? Do you have that twin thing? You know, can you feel what she's feeling? Do you know what she's thinking? If I hit her would you feel it...I want to say no, but if you hit her don't be suprised if I hit you back. My answer to these genuine, but annoying questions is always no, which is a lie. Some of it's true, some not. I can't feel it if someone hits her, though if something terrible happened to her (G-d forbid) I would probably sense something, but thank goodness I have not had that experience and hope to NEVER have that.

The connection I have with her is unique and the questions people ask are genuine, but I feel like they wouldn't understand (if I took the time to explain it to them). And part of me feels like I don't want to let them in because it has nothing to do with them...it's about us, ya know? But they are sincere in asking nonetheless...

The connection is crazy different than the connections I have with friends. I have older sisters who are twins as well and I see that they have it, I am not sure of the extent to which they have the "twin thing" but I have seen it. With my sister and myself though..I will try to explain:

Do You Know What the Other is Thinking? : To a certain extent yes and no. I talk to her a lot. Email, texting, IMing, phone. there has been more than one occassion where we were both texting or IMing at the same time, we both hit send and get each other's text and there are variations in wording but the thought is the exact same. And its not just a simple word like "hi" its a full blown sentence, thought or opinion.

Then there are times when we are in a room with other people and if I want her attention or if she wants mine, sometimes all we have to do is think the others name...almost like calling her without saying anything at all. I usually have to do it a few times and it doesn't always work so I have to maybe add a minor gesture in with it like a wiggle of the finger or a tap of my foot on floor then I've got her attention. After I have her attention or she has mine we have these gestures, nods, pokes (if we are in the same vicinity of each other) eye/facial movements we do. I can't explain what they mean, but we know and understand what each one mean. There are even times when all we have to do is barely move our lips to say something and not have a single sound come out mouth and we know what the other is saying. I know it sounds crazy, I think it sounds crazy as I am re-reading this but it's real.

There is also this dream that we've both had (recurring). One day I was was telling her about it. She wasn't really paying attention to what I was saying and before I had the chance to finish telling her what the dream was about she looked up and finished it for me because she had the exact same one...and I mean exact to every single detail.

I don't know if I can feel what she feels. I remember when she came home one day from the eye doc and the doc told her she could no longer wear contacts, I know she was devasted, sad and I was devasted and sad for her, it really almost hurt me like the doctor had told me that I can't wear my contacts anymore.

So that is it in a nutshell. Again, I know it sounds weird almost crazy, which is why I don't like to talk about it or explain...this is actually the first time I have and I might not have done a great job doing so, but that might be because of the uniqueness of the relationship. I also that we say we don't have "twin thing" because for the most part I believed it or I just never really noticed it until I sat and really thought about the relationship I have with her...it probably sounds a bit incestuous (sp) but we are connected in ways a lot of people aren't (just like other sets of twins across the world are connected. Their experience are definitely unique to them) So I think if maybe another twin read this, maybe he or she would understand a little better.

I don't know. I tried for those who may be a bit curious about this topic. If there are any other twins out there and have their unique experience to share, please do so. I am very interested in reading about other stories.

Ah! Lifelesstravelled! What a special and unique bond twins have. I have twin grandsons, age 6. It has been my priviledge to get to know them since infancy. I have observed them in the way they communicate, and seem to be protective of each other. The more assertive one of the two has said, "You leave my brother alone!" when he feels an injustice happening.
An elderly gentleman stopped my daughter one time while she was with the twins and said, "There is no closer bond!" And I believe this is true.
I had the fortune of knowing a fellow grad student at Marshall Univ. who was one of twins. He is confined to a wheelchair, the twin who suffered oxygen deprivation in the womb. He was adopted out to a family, away from his healthy brother. They were only reunited in young adulthood. And he told me that he and his brother, surprisingly, had many of the same interests and tastes in things.
I'm so glad that you posted here about the nature of twins!
Patty

i would have been curious but only asked you if we were good friends because i understand it is private. it was explained well by you and i did get what you meant. to me it is a close bond of empathy and something else that is like shared personality.

the thing is that people can have a version of this without being a twin. my mom and i and my daughter's and i share a version of what you said, just maybe not quite as strong. we do the same sentence thing at the same time. the call at the same time and some pretty cool non-verbal communication. it is not necessarily the same as the "twin-thing" it just has that flavor. personal loving bonds are just really cool!

I have twin sisters and for me its not a nice thing at all, they leave/shut the rest of us out and somtimes trying to join in a conversation is just a waste of time.

I feel really sorry for my brother who is just 18 months older than them as he is a real outsider the the whole family now and I am sure most of his problems stem from being a little lad who was left out.

Hey Lifelesstraveled,

WOOHOO!!! I AM AN IDENTICAL TWIN TOO.

My sister and i are extremely close but we are 2 seperate people, with seperate intrests and likes. We also have an older brother (4 years older) and although we have the bond we also included him and we are all extremly close. We never really had "THE TWIN THING" we complete each other's sentences a times, sometimes know what the other one is thinking. My sister has ME and has endured pain from the age of 8 to the age of 16 years old. I cried when she had her lumbar puncture as she was in so much pain. She was never at school and i felt sad. But I HAD TO MAKE FRIENDS. Ironically last night i said to my sister "how many sweets do you want" before she answered i had 3 in my hand and walked to her as she said "3" spooky!!! :P

We have our own friends, likes and intrests. We have our own careers and lives. We use to hate being twins at times when we were younger. People use to stop us in the street and saw "awe twins are the best, they share that special bond". Due to us being IDENTICAL TWINS i was always called her name as was she mines. People think you will still answer even if it is not your name- eh no my name is Laura not Rachel!!!!

Rachel hated the names associated with being twins. "Twinney", "Twinnies" "The Two Twins" Sorry but we are twins as there is only one set. Our brother calls us TWEENIES heehee as a wee joke, which she can tolerate just.

I think getting back to original question- there are more to being twins than the "sixth sense feelings" Yes the bond is strong and hell mend anyone who gets tangled in it. Yes we have our own language but remember twins are constantly together 24/7. Its a life long relationship.

Rach and I can not wait until we reach old age we think it will be fun heehee!!

Hi,
I am sorry about your experience with your twin sisters. I have read somewhere that some twins tend to isolate themselves from the reset of the family because of their connection. So you are not alone in this. But it's not done intentionally. In fact they may not even realize they've done this, you know? Have you talked to them about it?

I am sorry about your sister It can be sooo hard to see the person closest to us in pain.

We used to HATE being twins growing up. And I am not not saying I love it now...Nor do I hate it. It just is. It's a relationship I have learned to accept and love (very recently).I hated all of the annoying questions and I still hate it when people refer to us as one person...it irritates the s*** out of me. Kind of like if Jess said something, then someone would relay the message and say well the girls said XYZ... I have to jump i and say NO, not the girls, Jess said it, we are two differnt people please remember that...We have our separate lives and live in different states (400 miles away) We even went to the same college and hung out with different people for the most part. But that never affected our relationship. And yes I HATE it when people call us by the others name...The only way I will answer is if they are looking at me and Jess and I have to tell them no, i am not her. On campus people would wave at me or smile (they were her friends not mine) and I would just walk by and when I ran across them again in the cafeteria they would come to me and say, you're not jessica are you? i say no and they smile and say no wonder why you didn't say hi to me the other day...It's an honest mistake but definitely annoying (mind you we are not identical either).

And I think our bond is strong because of the way we grew up. We tend to isolate ourselves from our fam... It was just the two of us after our two older sisters left for college when we were 6 (they were 18) and we lived in a very socially isolated non-interactive family and she was all I really had to play with growing up (my parents didn't really take a vested interest in us and therefore to this day I really do not have a deep relationship with either of my parents---instead it's shallow almost like life long acquaintances--like "how's the weather today" of thing) and talk to outside of school friends. So maybe the bond depends on how the twins grow up. Maybe it depends on how a set of twins grows up. For us all we really had was each other, others who's parents are completely involved in their lives may have a bond, but not as strong as say a set of twins who grew up similar to me. And the bond is different if they have other siblings close in age. Who knows. I am just speculating right now, trying to sort out some personal things.

My sister and I are extremely different too. We have two completely different personalities and different interests(she's more outgoing and loves clubbing and dressing "provactively"--cleavage showing, belly showing . I am more reserved and hate clubs and love art and culture and preppy/trendy clothes)...But our differences/separate lives don't affect our bond-- I didn't intend the original to be the main point of being twin...it is just one aspect that the marjority of people ask about.

I think it's great you have the closeness with your mom daughter. I think it's amazing that you guys are that close. I must say I am a bit envious of it, as I don't have that with my parents and at times want it. I think its a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing this!