[Miracle1986]

My husband and I are now staying with his parents.

Basically, we had to move out of our apartment because my husband lost his job back on October 1st. and we have no money to pay rent.

So now, we are staying in a house with his parents and brother and sister. Their house is a three bedroom/two bathroom (aka TINY) house.

My husband and I am having to sleep downstairs in the living room - me on the sofa and him on the floor. Which means we can't go to bed until everyone else does...
which could be after 2am (because brother is up playing WoW)... and get woke up when his mom gets up at 4:00. And again when his sister and daddy gets up for school and work around 5:30. So needless to say, I have gotten very little to no sleep over the past few nights. *yawns*

And the temperature in the house stays at 60 degrees (or lower)... no matter how cold it is outside. And if we even mention that "it's cold in this house," daddy cusses, *****es, etc.
(the world revolves around making this man happy... I swear)

This family has a tendency to yell instead of talk, and that is one thing that I was raised around, so it tends to make me feel me like crying, etc.

We have been here 2 days, and I can't stand it... I just spent like 15 minutes... hiding... in the bathroom. *cries*

How do I survive this?!?!

[cantstopcrying]

Ah surviving the in-laws!! Or even your own family. The saying "you can never go home" is true. It's hard. Of course I'm obligated to give you the "be thankful they are letting you stay there" comment and "it's their house, etc" regarding the heat. There....that's done. Because honest to God it is hard. There is nothing worse than someone offering to help you on conditions that they set. Mitch Albom (author) has often said if you are going to give money to the homeless beggar on the street, you have to give it with no conditions (such as--I would give him money but he'll just spend it on booze). Give the money because you want to help and not because you want to control what they do with it. This relates to any help we give. It's hard to do and I'm sure his folks haven't learned that yet. "It's my house, I get to say what the temperature is." With no concern that you may be uncomfortable. Unfortunately, for the time being you may have to put on three sweatshirts and four pair of socks and learn to crochet so you can make an afghan; learn to fall asleep sitting up so you can sleep with others still up and learn yoga to help calm your nerves!! Maybe when you're ready to go to sleep you can gently and politely say, "Guys, do you mind if I lay down? It's been a really long day." I empathize so much with! I had to live with my folks and my two little girls years ago and it was horrible, though I was grateful for the place to stay. Sit cross-legged, extend you arms, touch your middle finger to your thumbs and say "oooohhhmmm....ooohhhmm..."

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by Manda86

How do I survive this?!?!

By creating a genuine heartfelt gratitude list and reading it often.

It could be far worse Manda..you don't need me to tell you I'm sure.

Anything is possible with a Gratefull heart...it is obvious to all about you and simply makes you attractive to everyone including job prospects which is what you need to change your situation.

IMHO.

Lenny

[Miracle1986]

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

I had to live with my folks and my two little girls years ago and it was horrible, though I was grateful for the place to stay.

oh, don't get me wrong, I am soooo grateful to have a place to go, but still... I wish we didn't have to be staying with them... arrrghh!!!
And it is soooo hard trying to have two families live under one roof. And to to "blend" the households.

Sit cross-legged, extend you arms, touch your middle finger to your thumbs and say "oooohhhmmm....ooohhhmm..."

lmao... thanks for that...

[Lenny]

Be part of the solution..not the problem..

Imagine what you will learn in this situation,,that someday you will teach.

With Care,

Lenny

[e_sort]

Originally Posted by Lenny

By creating a genuine heartfelt gratitude list and reading it often.

It could be far worse Manda..you don't need me to tell you I'm sure.

that seems insensitive. yeah, it could always be worse, but freezing, no privacy, no sleep, in a hostile environment is already pretty damn bad.

i'm all for gratitude but let's acknowledge that she's not complaining about the color of her silk sheets eh?

manda, i don't know what your situation is with regards to work or where you live or anything, but if it were me I would do anything short of prostitution to get in any sort of environment other than this one. I'm sure you are doing everything you can. I'm just saying for me this would be intolerable. I would sooner sleep in a car. Just to give you some sympathy.

[Perzephone]

(((Manda)))

I think I'd probably find a homeless shelter given the choice between living with my in-laws or being homeless. It's bad enough having to live in a house my m.i.l. owns because we've got bad credit & I'm the only one working :P

The only thing I could suggest is maybe sit down & have a heart-to-heart with the in-laws. Let them know you appreciate everything they're doing for you & that you understand having you living with them is making things crowded, but maybe see if things could possibly be rearranged to give you & your husband a little privacy, like maybe hanging up a curtain or putting a screen up, setting some hours so you can get some decent sleep, that kind of thing. Yes, you're their guests, but you're also family.

Since it's just you & your husband, do you have any friends you could impose on for maybe a night or two a week? Even if you offer to cook dinner or help clean house to make yourself feel better about having a sleep-over? You could also check around in your area & see if anyone needs a house-sitter. Some people are bound to be going out of town for the holidays.

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by e_sort

that seems insensitive.

i'm all for gratitude but let's acknowledge that she's not complaining about the color of her silk sheets eh?

Interesting comments e sort.

I have been hungry and homeless and truely freezing,,living in a hole in late October in the Northwest woods of CT.

I arrived there as a result of MY choices., not God's, yours or my Mother's and Fathers.

When I was plucked from that hell,,I realized that gifts of any size, shape or persuasion are priceless. The grandest of all was my returned ability to change my situation.

To this very moment that I type this post I am profoundly gratefull that I can.

That is the first time sir in a very long time that I have been accused of being insensitive...maybe I'm being a little too much of it now..

Lenny

[50guy]

Well, You are in a difficult situation. One that no one envy's I'm sure.

I have been homeless twice in my live and it is no fun. Although it was a short period outdoors, I lived in a Motel for a few months until I gathered enough money together to get a subsidized apartment for DW and the kids.

The best thing your husband can do is look for work. I took anything because I wanted off the street and out of the Motel. I know this is difficult but have you tried any assistance? The Salvation Army helps folks in a big way by giving them shelter, food and help with getting jobs. They have rules there, no drinking, no smoking and a curfew for those not working. Classes are to be attended, for live skills, etc. It is not the best but, it is a place of your own for 3-6 months depending on circumstances.

I encourage you to look for work, anything beats a blank, at the end of the week.

You have a tough situation, but you can overcome. Good luck in the future.

[e_sort]

Originally Posted by Lenny

I arrived there as a result of MY choices., not God's, yours or my Mother's and Fathers.

When I was plucked from that hell,,I realized that gifts of any size, shape or persuasion are priceless. The grandest of all was my returned ability to change my situation.

To this very moment that I type this post I am profoundly gratefull that I can.

That is the first time sir in a very long time that I have been accused of being insensitive...maybe I'm being a little too much of it now..

I'm sure both of you have suffered more than I ever have. But just because hers is not the worst possible kind of suffering doesn't mean it is not valid and does not deserve some sympathy. Also, maybe your choices led to your situation (and I doubt that was 100% true) but that doesn't mean Manda's did. If there's one thing we know in this world it's that bad things happen to good people.

also, it's ma'am

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by e_sort

If there's one thing we know in this world it's that bad things happen to good people.

also, it's ma'am

I appologise for the gender mistake.

Yes this is true but cause is really not as important as solution. While the mind is in cause,,ie. blame, regret, remorse, shame, etc.,,,we allow ourselves to enjoy the warm contemplation of victimhood. Sometimes indefinitely.

My shallow point is that one persons hell is anothers heaven and to not see the Grace one enjoys regardless of circumstance impedes progress.

I am gratefull for every breath for in that breath anything is possible.

With Respect,

Lenny

[ECHOES]

((( Manda86 )))

Re-write it like a Christmas letter.

"This year we find ourselves on an extended visit with Mom and Dad! And how fortunate we are, in this awful economy and time of uncertainty for so many folks.

We are cozily nestled in at Mom and Dad's--such a quaint little home they have! All of us together again and time to visit day or night! Oh my, no need for an alarm clock with so much going on. I'm reminded of my youth when sleep was just not a priority!!

The excitement created by everyone being together reaches a feverish pitch in no time at all. We are family! And Daddy is still king of his castle--he hasn't changed one bit! Being away from them for even only 15 minutes can bring me to tears.

So, here we are! Such a cool house! I don't know how we will leave here, but when we do, we will surely be taking with us truly unforgettable memories!!" Happy Holidays, all!!

Manda86, I hope you will be able to afford your own place soon. Adjusting to new situations/surroundings can be so hard on everyone.