[gmsg]

Whenever there is an issue that needs to be addressed my husband always (yes always) becomes defensive. No matter how mild mannered I am in my approach it turns into an over exaggerated arguement. He becomes loud, uses profanity and shows no respect towards my emotions.
For instance, last night I calmly asked him about the purchase of a new oven, because mine has been broken for 6 months now. This was only after he went and purchased a Xbox 360 for our boys' Chrismas and he also paid $300 towards over oldest son's paintball trip to Orlando. Thankfully the stovetop works, but the oven does not. I have been patient in waiting for him to initiate buying one, because if I do then we never have money. That is not true, but I have no control over household expenses...
Immediately his tone of voice became loud. He said, "then you go and take it back and when I get more money to add to it then you CAN buy one." I told him that I would not take it back, because I did not buy it. "Well then, you have made your choice and I don't see why you can't take it back," he says. I told him that I have been more than patient and have not mentioned it until he shelled out almost $600 the past few weeks.
I could not help but cry and he called me a whiner. I mean it's enough dealing w/having bp I and no support emotionally from him, but when things such as this arise I am so hurt. I feel disrespected, less than and so ugly.
I have no support from my family and am alone to manage all that I do. I had to go back to work fulltime after our year long separation, because money became a forefront with him. I do all the housework, grocery shopping, kids' activities, cooking, washing, etc... I am becoming so overwhelmed and do not know what to do anymore. On several occassions I attempted speaking to him about being overwhelmed, but that turned into something it never should have and as always I am wrong. For what? I really don't know, but I am beginning to wither away.
I just don't know what to do or say anymore...

[Capp]

((gmsg))
such a tough situation you are in! I can understand why you are feeling so overwhelmed...
are you in therapy by any chance? if so, perhaps your therapist can be of help in resolving some of these issues.

I hope you find guidance here--this community is full of caring and supportive people.

Cap

[sunrise]

It sounds like there are a lot of communication difficulties between you. He sounds belligerent and hard to get through to. I think you will be beating your head against a wall to try to reason with him or get him to see a different point of view. Therefore, I think you need a trained professional to help you two learn to talk to each other and listen to each other. Can you ask him to go to couples therapy with you for the sake of your marriage and household harmony? From your description of him, I think it would be helpful if your couples therapist was male. My H (soon to be ex-H) was an "I'm always right" kind of guy and didn't listen to me or really women in general. Our therapist was male and this helped my H listen to what he had to say and respect him.

About the oven--it could be that you don't need a brand new one but just some less costly repairs. My oven went out twice (and stovetop worked just fine). I was able to get it repaired for under $100 each time. Eventually it was unrepairable and I did get a new oven, but if money is tight, you might want to call the repairman first. I know it's hard to reason with your H, but perhaps suggest you will start saving for the oven by taking $100 out of your joint checking account each week and setting it aside. Soon you'll have enough for the oven. Something tells me your H won't like this, but maybe it's worth a try....

Best of luck.