[OldSoul19]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and about 2 months ago we moved in together. He is 29 and I am 19 but our maturity level meets in the middle for the most part. We got along pretty well the first 9 months of our relationship and then after we started living together is when things started to get out of control. I try to blame our distance on stress of school and moving into a new city where I know no one and of course my depression but I figure it should be the opposite. He's the only one I have to talk to and spend time with but I seem to push him away and want nothing to do with him. Most of time I can't even stand to be around him, I'd almost rather be alone with my cat.

Is this part of my depression or is our relationship not meat to be? I'm not the type of person who is going to be a relationship if I'm so unhappy but I don't want to send him off, he has no where to go and just started a new job in the city and can't afford to live on his own right now. He says he'd be fine but sometimes I just wish he would dump me so I don't have to be the bad guy. We don't even touch eachother.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

[SpottedOwl]

((OldSoul19))

First, moving is a very stressful event -- even under the best of circumstances. So it might be difficult to determine whether it is the stress of moving vs. the stress of living together.

No matter what you decide to do with your boyfriend, I would spend as much energy as you can meeting other people and focusing on your own life. Pick up the phone, or use email to reach out to friends and family. Look to see if there is a group at school, or even a counselor at school you can talk to.

Bottom line, take care of yourself. The better you feel, the more support you have, the easier it will be to make good decisions for yourself.

One final note: Your boyfriend is an adult. I know you care about him, but you have to take care of yourself first. He may not be able to afford a place on his own, but that is NOT your concern. If you decide you need to live alone, he will adapt and survive.

HTH

[salukigirl]

i did the whole guy 10 years older than me thing before and what i discovered is - if he is able to get along with a teenage girl to the point of living together then he has his own issues. not saying youre immature or anything like that but some things just dont happen until youve hit certain markers. even though i was considered mature at 16 and 17, those couple years between then and say 20, 21 made a huge difference. at that age, 10 years is a huge gap. once youre in your 30s, 40s etc... its not so much of a difference. but between the ages of 16 and say 25... so many things happen and so many things change that its not expected of you to be at the same mind state of a 29 year old.

so for me, personally, i think that if a man of almost 30 can be in a relationship with someone probably fresh out of high school, he has some mixed up priorities and concerns. even for me now, i wouldnt be able to be with someone more than a year or 2 younger than me because when youre this young, that year or 2 still makes a huge difference in mentality.

and i agree with spottedowl. you need to think of whats best for you. you cant spend time worrying about how someone else is going to live because if you do, youll stop worrying about how youre going to live.

and i really hope you dont take this post as offensive or name calling or anything. i hope it comes across how i want it to because i dont mean any of this as an insult to you.