Troubled sister

My sister is 47, (3 years younger than me). We both reside in the same city, only a few miles apart. We haven't been apart much throughout our entire lives (always managed to remain fairly close to each other).

She married quite early at 17, had a son immediately after marriage and has managed to remain in the same marriage all these years despite all of the changes they have endured.

Her son is now well grown and soon to turn 30. Regardless of all her efforts, she cannot seem to encourage her son to move out. She has resorted to kicking him out twice, both times her hubs undermined her efforts by allowing him to move back in. Needless to say, she's tired of playing the "mommy" role to an adult who should already be leading a life for self.

She has reached a crossroad regarding her marriage. The fact that her hubs has undermined her as he's done has only resulted in compounded issues in the marriage. For the most part and throughout the duration of the marriage, sis has been pretty much "on her own" regarding her own self. Hubs have never really been supportive of her especially as a person. He is a great provider, but the "invisible" father figure. Sis was mom AND dad to son.

With the results of aging now becoming a realization, she now has physical issues which require medical attention. Again, her needs are unacknowledged by hubs or son.
With pressure and stress at an all-time high, loneliness and fatigue has become the center point of her life. She feels extremely neglected, abandoned and unimportant to the two people who she devoted her entire adult life to.

I have made attempts to availing myself for her in case she ever wanted to discuss anything. Yet, she remains inverted and unwilling to open up.
I've expressed my concerns to her. I have told her of the changes I have noticed in her, that i feel she has fallen into depression. However she insists that she is not depressed....just unhappy.
She has expressed desires of just "running away" and leaving. And I believe these are quite well thought out considerations of hers, as she has told me of various ideas she has, which would only require sersious focus of attention.

Is it a fair assumption of mine to understand that with depression comes denial? And if so, how do I guide her away from this? I am very concerned for her. She is not suicidal, far from it, however she is at such an emotional low that I oftentimes find myself crying out of concern for her. It hurts to witness my sister suffer like this. But all of my efforts of assisting her have failed so far.

Does anyone have any suggestions that I may try in helping her? I feel I am reaching an end to anything that may prove beneficial in supporting her.
Thanks for any help. I appreciate it. (Sis does too, whether or not she realizes it).

Shangrala

hi shangrala
i have been in a similar situation with my family
the only thing yuou can really do is just be there for her.
when and if she is ready she will ask for help, but there is noting you cna do to get her to that stage.
so just be there for her ready.
i am sure she will one day, but you will never know when that is. it might just happen. it is really hard but that is the best thing you can do for her right now.
i think some kind of denial comes with depression too.
hope you are looking after you though.
xx

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it. And I suppose your right, no one can force change for anyone but our own selves.

I can only hope the best for her and remain available.

Thanks again.

i only wish i had ever had someone like you in my corner. your sister doesn't realize what she's missing. but she will have to come to that understanding for herself.

after living with neglect and indifference for a long time she may not even recognize her own needs any more. it hurts so much that people often do deny the truth others can see so easily. it seems much easier than to acknowledge the lack of love in our lives. i've lived that way my whole life and it is hard to get past that. i hope your sister does, for both your sakes.

i wish you both well,

leslie

(((((((((((((((( Shangrala ))))))))))))))))))