[1confused]

im not sure it was good for me, we broke up a coulpe months ago,she went from wanting to get married to im not sure if i can do this relationship for about 1 month, then broke it off, then stopped talking to me. recently about 2 weeks ago she started texting me and answering mine. ive made it clear im still in love with her. so friday night she calls me and says she wants to see me. i was at my sisters about an hour away from her and she said never mind we'll do it another night. so we set it up to see eachother the next night. so i see her .we are sitting on the couch watching movies, im nervous i want to hold her , hug her but im afraid. eventually her leg leans on me and ive got my arm around her leg, then she takes my arm and puts it around her. so we are like cuddling on the couch, holding hands. i start to talk about our relationship and how ive been in a string of really bad ones for the last 10 years. i told her she was the first woman that just consistently loved me and that i usually date people who are very closed off. i tell her i want that again, i dont get how after a year and a half of being completely in love with me she just shuts down. she says we are friends thats all it can be. im hurt i want to leave but i cant, what if i dont see her again. maybe shes just holding feelings back, maybe she does care but is afraid to tell me, thats how she was in the beginning and all the sudden she just poured out her feelings for me and stayed that way for almost 2years. im lost, confused scared.
so i drop it back a notch, start talking about our sex life and make a joke about i guess we are not having sex then huh. again she quotess the just friends thing. something in me just makes me grab her hold her and kiss her. things got heated and we are about to intimate, she stops and says, if we do this, you have to know this does not mean we are getting back together. then she says this will happen under one condition, you can not tell you love me. it broke my heart, i keep hearing it over and over. i wanted to leave and probably should have, but i went through with it, i thought i just needed to feel close to her again. we fell asleep holding eachother and i stayed the night. in the morning shes still the same, no feeling. she hugs me gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and says goodbye. i asked her sunday if she felt anything saturday night, any feelings for me other than friends, she said, no im sorry. does any of this make sense? can i get some input from any women on here? this is killing me, but i just cant let her go. i keep hoping that she will just open up one day and tell me shes crazy about me like she did when we first got together. maybe im chasing something thats allready gone. i just dont know. i told her i would take a step back and hope she takes one forward and ii not then i guess its not meant to be. i told her not to forget how mch i love her, and that even if we have to start from the beginning im fine with that. i also said i would be there for anything, even if its just friendship. i hope im doing this right, i hope im not just putting myself through pain and hurt for nothing. any advice or input would really be appreciated.

[cantstopcrying]

Woman's point of view: Ggggrrrrrr! I don't like it. It sounds to me like she knows your feelings, knows you are available for her, knows you won't tell her no and needed to feel wanted. You care too much about her to be able to hold it back at only sex when she wants it with nothing else. For whatever reason, she has moved on but knows you haven't and knows that if she gets lonely, you will tell her you love her, she is desirable, you want to be with her--all the things an ego needs to hear. You are there for sex, which is also what she needed. But she is missing the emotional attachement, the emotional part of what you had she no longer feels, again for whatever reason. Just based on what you have said, you are setting yourself up to be hurt and that is wrong. You deserve better. Please take care of yourself and be gentle.

[multipixie9]

I've always heard things about how men can separate their feelings from sex - compartmentalize things. That is what this woman seems to be doing. To me she is being dishonest and being a "user". She is not willing to go the whole distance and commit to a relationship. She just wants to have some "no commitment sex" - or "have her cake and eat it too".

I'm pretty sure you are going to come out of this with deep wounds if you go forward, accepting the scraps the throws your way, when you will only be ok in a genuine loving and committed marriage.

I am speaking pretty bluntly here, but it seems to me she is just "using" you and I think that is wrong for a man or woman to do to someone else. If i were advising you I would say, "walk away and look for someone genuine". This woman is a cubic zirconia, not a diamond. with sympathy,

leslie and her pixies

[BlueFaith]

I have to agree with what the other ladies said here. Get out and leave the whole situation behind you.... even as hard as it may be. She doesn't want what you want. She doesn't feel what you feel. And, she made it pretty apparent that she's not going to change her mind about that. She's using you, in my honest opinion. She knows how strongly you feel for her, and she's using that to her twisted benefit. I'm sorry you are hurting.... I know this must be hard for you. She's sending some mixed signals, and it's easy to be irrational and want to believe she will magically open up one day and be all that you want her to be. But, she's already stated the facts to you, clearly. Get out now. Find someone that will love you unconditionally... someone that wants a real, true relationship with you. You deserve nothing less.

[Dizzyone]

Geez, I'm so very sorry that you are being treated this way. Nobody deserves to have their heart played with. She knows how you feel and is prepared to take the parts of you she wants and discard your heart, NOT FAIR!!!. I hope you don't even pursue a friendship with her to be honest, she doesn't deserve it. When you are in pain, she has the trump card, "honesty". This is a loophole though, and she knows it, I know it well, it was played on me often enough when I was younger. Just because she can claim "honesty" does NOT make her honest, or decent, protect yourself from this heartache 1confused. . We here can not offer sex, but there is soooo much more important things in a friendship, like loyalty, empathy, sympathy, respect, NONE of whch this woman offers you, WE DO!!!..

[Catherine1945]

I feel for you. What the others are saying is correct. However, I'm sort of in the same situation whereas my boyfriend of 21 years (yes 21 years),has become very depressed, etc. and I feel him slipping away. But there isn't anything I can do about it and he won't communicate. This is killing me as I need him, I want to be hugged and feel that I am wanted. He has turned very cold and mentally/verbally hurtful.

It's pretty bad when they do these things during the holidays.

I am so scared and my heart is breaking to the point that I litterly feel sick.

Don't go any further with this girl, unless you want to end up 21 years later still hurting.

Good luck and God Bless.

Originally Posted by 1confused

im not sure it was good for me, we broke up a coulpe months ago,she went from wanting to get married to im not sure if i can do this relationship for about 1 month, then broke it off, then stopped talking to me. recently about 2 weeks ago she started texting me and answering mine. ive made it clear im still in love with her. so friday night she calls me and says she wants to see me. i was at my sisters about an hour away from her and she said never mind we'll do it another night. so we set it up to see eachother the next night. so i see her .we are sitting on the couch watching movies, im nervous i want to hold her , hug her but im afraid. eventually her leg leans on me and ive got my arm around her leg, then she takes my arm and puts it around her. so we are like cuddling on the couch, holding hands. i start to talk about our relationship and how ive been in a string of really bad ones for the last 10 years. i told her she was the first woman that just consistently loved me and that i usually date people who are very closed off. i tell her i want that again, i dont get how after a year and a half of being completely in love with me she just shuts down. she says we are friends thats all it can be. im hurt i want to leave but i cant, what if i dont see her again. maybe shes just holding feelings back, maybe she does care but is afraid to tell me, thats how she was in the beginning and all the sudden she just poured out her feelings for me and stayed that way for almost 2years. im lost, confused scared.
so i drop it back a notch, start talking about our sex life and make a joke about i guess we are not having sex then huh. again she quotess the just friends thing. something in me just makes me grab her hold her and kiss her. things got heated and we are about to intimate, she stops and says, if we do this, you have to know this does not mean we are getting back together. then she says this will happen under one condition, you can not tell you love me. it broke my heart, i keep hearing it over and over. i wanted to leave and probably should have, but i went through with it, i thought i just needed to feel close to her again. we fell asleep holding eachother and i stayed the night. in the morning shes still the same, no feeling. she hugs me gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and says goodbye. i asked her sunday if she felt anything saturday night, any feelings for me other than friends, she said, no im sorry. does any of this make sense? can i get some input from any women on here? this is killing me, but i just cant let her go. i keep hoping that she will just open up one day and tell me shes crazy about me like she did when we first got together. maybe im chasing something thats allready gone. i just dont know. i told her i would take a step back and hope she takes one forward and ii not then i guess its not meant to be. i told her not to forget how mch i love her, and that even if we have to start from the beginning im fine with that. i also said i would be there for anything, even if its just friendship. i hope im doing this right, i hope im not just putting myself through pain and hurt for nothing. any advice or input would really be appreciated.

[1confused]

Originally Posted by Dizzyone

Geez, I'm so very sorry that you are being treated this way. Nobody deserves to have their heart played with. She knows how you feel and is prepared to take the parts of you she wants and discard your heart, NOT FAIR!!!. I hope you don't even pursue a friendship with her to be honest, she doesn't deserve it. When you are in pain, she has the trump card, "honesty". This is a loophole though, and she knows it, I know it well, it was played on me often enough when I was younger. Just because she can claim "honesty" does NOT make her honest, or decent, protect yourself from this heartache 1confused. . We here can not offer sex, but there is soooo much more important things in a friendship, like loyalty, empathy, sympathy, respect, NONE of whch this woman offers you, WE DO!!!..

thank you, all of you. i needed to hear that. i have to stop thinking i can take this abuse. i really cant, its killing me emotionally.