[myoasis89]

what is wrong with getting married too young,

I'm 19...what if I got married when i was 20?

I know that you need to be financially stable, be on the same page as you husband, what similar things in life, have similar goals...have the same religion or beliefs help, being able to work together and be sacrificing is important as well

If I ahve all of these things...what is there missing??...I just don't understand what is wrong with getting married if youa re willing to work hard

could someone who is experienced possibly fill me in...much appreciated thanks

[gimmeice]

((((((((((( myoasis )))))))))))))

For some marrying young is a mistake because they never get to explore things like college or other dreams that they might have and then later they are full of regrets. Another thing is that with age a lot changes so you have to be in a marriage that can adjust to these changes and what is okay for you now might not be okay with you later in life.
All of that being said I married at 19 and I am coming up on my 11th anniversary and we are very happy but I had a lot of dating under my belt when I met my hubby and I was really lucky. I think that the decision to marry is a very important one and I don't think there is a one size fit all rule system to help decide that, a lot varies from person to person.

[Rapunzel]

I got married at 20. I was not ready. I didn't know who I was, and I gave up my goals and dreams because, even though we had agreed that I would continue my education, and that I needed to have a career, it got too hard. And we had all of those things that you listed, and we were willing to work hard, and did work hard. Eighteen and a half years later, we are still married, and we have three great kids, and I am just now trying to launch my career. A lot of doors are closed to me that would have been open if I had made other choices. Five years ago the stresses of being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) and not knowing who I was or having direction in life for myself as an individual got so bad that it nearly killed me. I'm still trying to recover and find my direction.

Maybe some people are ready at 19 or 20, but I know that I wasn't, and if I could do it again, I would have waited and figured out who I was before getting married. I think that it is important that you know that you can be independent and take care of yourself and stand on your own before you begin a relationship in which your identity merges with someone else's and if you don't have enough clarity about who you are, you can be lost.

I wish that I had had someone to talk all of that through with, that I could have trusted and felt that they had my best interests in mind. My parents wanted me to wait because it was inconvenient for them for me to grow up, and I saw going ahead with it as a way of establishing my independence. But it was jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. I was also in therapy then, and my therapist told me that getting married was a bad idea for me, but I didn't listen to him either because there was no trust in that relationship and I didn't think that he understood me at all. If you have someone in mind to marry, talk it out thoroughly with someone you trust who can be completely objective before you make a decision. It is a life-changing decision.

[50guy]

Well, you all got married too old compared to me. I got married at 16.
No, it wasn't a shotgun wedding. I went in to the Marine Corps at 17.
Nearly 36 years later with many ups and downs, more downs than ups, no money from the start and no house, furniture, car, etc., we are still together. We are having a rough patch but, there is no talk of divorce.

We grew up together, I knew her since I was 14, she was 16. Now we are in our 50's and enjoying life together. I wouldn't make any changes in marrying her although I could have waited a little longer.

Good luck to you,

[youOme]

Age ain't nothing but a number. Just be sure to consider all the things you had actually mentioned and just really think.....is that what you want.

[e_sort]

It's not that it's so bad to get married young, but there's no particular reason in favor of it now. social norms have changed a lot, you can live together and all that. the thing is you really don't understand at 19 how different you will be when you're even ten or fifteen years older. I met my husband at 21, now I'm 33 and I am really just a completely different person now than I was then.

People are always going to change no matter what age they are when they meet, but it's more extreme when you're younger. Even a little more life experience will tell you if the changes are likely to be compatible.

[salukigirl]

Personally I had the same feeling. I was engaged at 19 and couldnt understand the big deal everyone was making. Then I realized that in a very short period of time (like 6 months) I changed a lot about my beliefs etc... and he hadn't. So I think the big idea of it is that at that age, we change A LOT! and I mean a lot. Especially if were in college. We are more into meeting people, finding new things, trying new ideas.... were just all around curious and adventurous at this age which isnt a bad thing. but it also means that theres more room for you to change your mind as to what you want in life. so just because you agree with your mate now on what you want in 5 years, that doesnt mean your ideas and priorities will be the same when it gets to that time. and when you get into your 20s, 30s and past that you are (typically) done with school, you have a pretty good idea of what you want in life and your priorities are pretty in check. so when you find someone who wants the same things as you, its easier to say "this person wants this now, he will probably want the same thing in 5 years."

right now im 21 and I will not get married until Im at least graduated with my B.S. and probably with my M.S. I know that in the field im going into I will do a lot of traveling, meeting new people, taking new classes etc... so Im sure I will change my mind on a lot of things between now and just age 23 or 24. I have done a complete 180 from who I was even a year ago! So I wouldnt trust settling down with someone when I know that I am going to change quite a bit in the near future.

So its not necessarily the money or anything like that. Its a lot of little things that add up. A year ago when I was engaged I was in a different major with different aspirations. So thats just someting to think about.

also, I think that once you get married your outlook kind of changes. even though its just a piece of metal on your finger and a paper at a courthouse, your whole attitude changes. things that you might have wanted to accomplish might not seem so close to home anymore. and I always hate seeing young women give up their dreams because they got married and all of sudden their dreams didnt seem so important anymore. not saying that your fiancee/husband would keep you locked in a dungeon or anything, just throwing that out there.

[Lenny]

I can't think of a specific reason not too myoasis...as long as you have all the right reasons too...

Lust,,for instance,,isn't a good one...

Trust me on that one....

Lenny

[myoasis89]

thanks everyone for taking your time to read my post and giving such detailed replies...I guess this guy was just pushing me to get married...and I realised it wasn't such a good idea...he's 26 and knows what he wants...I sitll don't even know who I am...lol I feel well informed now

[salukigirl]

good for you! it takes a very strong person to be able to say to someone you care about "look, im just not ready". I know how hard it was for me and I can imagine the kind of confusion you went through to come to that decision.

In the end, you cant do stuff to make other people happy. You have to do whats best for you! If you focus on that (I know its easier said than done) everything else will fall into place.

[youOme]

I have to note, based on what salukigirl had said, that yes, your young and will change and grow as time goes. But, I believe people learn and grow through experience and marriage can be considered a life experience, most def. Your husband and you can learn from one another and grow together or you can grow apart, but either way it's worth a shot as long as your willing to get through the rough stuff and do your best to compromise with each others feelings and beliefs.