[Angostura1919]

Hello All, New to this so here it goes. Been with my Fiance for 3 years now and we've been through everything a relationship can go through. And still we've always managed to keep it together and never give up and let go. She has a son 5 and i have a daughter 8. We live seperately but are together all the time. The majority of the problems we have had stem from my moods, attitude, and just over all not communicating my feelings and holding them inside. I've seeked help in the past and took meds for mild depression for about a year but stopped because i realized nothing changed really long term that is was more my attitude and lack of communication. I change how I do things and communicate and it lasts for a few months at a time then i seem to get comfortable or just not as motivated to recognize that I need to step it up and we sink back into what seems to be the end for us. This has repeated over and over and I really need to get a grip on my situation because she is the best thing that has entered my life since my daughter and I do not want to lose her. I dont like who I am today, compared to who i was quite some time ago.. i know my faults, and want to be free from this silence that i resort, and the sinking into myself with no energy or motivation, and be able to commuicate my feelings better, and really show her that i am the man she fell in love with, and not just someone who is tearing her apart emotionally.

so much to get into but here's the basic... I grew up in a home where everyone kinda kept to themselves, didnt communicate. My mom had pscitzophrenia, so i grew up through all that around me, my dad is quiet and i get that from him. and I just want to break this that has been holding me back. for her, my daughter and myself. To become the man I know i am, and have been in the past. I've started by looking for help on this site and want to make sure i dont fall back this time... any suggestions? advice?

Thx.

[Doh2007]

Hi and welcome to psychcentral. I can relate to your post. I had a very unhappy childhood and when I grew up, I didn't have many problem solving skills.

I found therapy to be very helpful. It helped me change the way I communicate and also see that I wasn't as bad a person as I had been led to believe.

I also went to a marriage counselor. She helped us deal with emotionally laden issues and brought us to a safe place where we could reconnect. I see so many couples who break up because they've let too much go by and built up resentments.

Again, it came back to tools. I was able to learn how to identify and then express my frustrations. I used to not even know I was angry for several days.

Best wishes. I hope this forum gives you as much as it has given me.

[claudiac]

Hi... I'm new too. Just reading about everyone's difficulties, so many different things, yet causing the same discouragement everywhere.

When I was little, my dad never talked to me about anything and he kept everything inside. I still don't really know who he is or what it is in his childhood that caused him to be the way he is. I see how my brother has taken on some similar behaviors, because he didn't have the proper role model.

I learned to communicate (because i didn't have much of a clue either) through educating myself (ie. university, college, therapy: group & individual, anonymous groups: EA, SLAA, through church: prayer groups). I didn't know how to express my anger & frustrations properly, which tended to affect my relationships, so I have an idea of what you are going through.

Be patient. Inform yourself as much as possible through this site, because it has invaluable information. It takes time to learn all this, but there is definitely hope for a normal future, so take heart.

[kmarshall1969]

I was once asked, "Why are you so sad?" I replied, "I don't know." Then I was asked, "When were you happy?" I replied with surprise, " I can't remember." Then I asked myself, "Why don't I remember?" It was then that I began to search back into my life to when I was the happiest and I began to rebuild on that moment in my thoughts. Each day I would take time to sit and think about that moment of happinest and each day I incorporated that feeling into my attitude. Today, although my life still has some bumps, I am happier than I have been in a long, long while.

Originally Posted by Angostura1919

Hello All, New to this so here it goes. Been with my Fiance for 3 years now and we've been through everything a relationship can go through. And still we've always managed to keep it together and never give up and let go. She has a son 5 and i have a daughter 8. We live seperately but are together all the time. The majority of the problems we have had stem from my moods, attitude, and just over all not communicating my feelings and holding them inside. I've seeked help in the past and took meds for mild depression for about a year but stopped because i realized nothing changed really long term that is was more my attitude and lack of communication. I change how I do things and communicate and it lasts for a few months at a time then i seem to get comfortable or just not as motivated to recognize that I need to step it up and we sink back into what seems to be the end for us. This has repeated over and over and I really need to get a grip on my situation because she is the best thing that has entered my life since my daughter and I do not want to lose her. I dont like who I am today, compared to who i was quite some time ago.. i know my faults, and want to be free from this silence that i resort, and the sinking into myself with no energy or motivation, and be able to commuicate my feelings better, and really show her that i am the man she fell in love with, and not just someone who is tearing her apart emotionally.

so much to get into but here's the basic... I grew up in a home where everyone kinda kept to themselves, didnt communicate. My mom had pscitzophrenia, so i grew up through all that around me, my dad is quiet and i get that from him. and I just want to break this that has been holding me back. for her, my daughter and myself. To become the man I know i am, and have been in the past. I've started by looking for help on this site and want to make sure i dont fall back this time... any suggestions? advice?

Thx.