I don't want to go visit my parents (a rant)

There, I said it. I guess I'm being a jerk. My parents live across the country and we're not going there for xmas, we're going to my husband's family instead (not that either of us wanted to do that either but circumstances kind of require it). So, feeling guilty, I said that I would go after my qualifying exam was over (end of Jan). Then I regretted it.

The fact is I do not want to go there. it's really expensive to fly there and our financial situation is unsure after this coming May, not to mention that it's basically just disrupting to my life. And I talk to them on the phone all the time, we even use Skype to videoconference now. There's nothing that can't be said on the phone. Half the time when I'm there they're at work.

So I don't see why I need to go. But they make such a huge deal out of my actual physical presence, I feel guilted into it, then I feel mad about being manipulated.

Partly it's that I feel there are all these judgments being made on my life, and moving so far away was just the first one of many allegedly bad decisions they think I've made. My mom for some reason has it in her head that my husband and I don't spend enough time together, not that she has any way of actually knowing if this is true, which 1. it isn't and 2. it's none of their business anyway. Oh and we didn't get a christmas tree. we were busy and we're not going to be here to enjoy it for most of the holiday, but to my parents it's this giant demonstrated lack of happy family behavior.

Previous bizarre misapprehensions have been that I was on drugs, and that I was a lesbian. My brother tells me these things, which means there are probably ten million other weird things someone isn't telling me.

I just don't feel like dealing with it. and I don't feel like addressing it, or correcting it.

Don't let your family guilt trip you into doing something you don't want to do&can't afford to do. They should be thankful you call, etc. I think a lot of parents have a hard time realizing they have no business trying to exert the level of control they had over you when you were a kid now that you're an adult. So they guilt trip&manipulate you emotionally. If they're doing something that's making you uncomfortable&unhappy-don't do it! Just because you're family doesn't mean you "owe" them anything. How would you feel about this kind of behavior being directed at you&your spouse by someone who wasn't family? You probably wouldn't do anything you don't want to do&not feel bad about it. We're "socialized" to obey our parents every wish as a kid&it's hard to get away from that old unhappy making behavior as adults. If you're parents can't understand that you're your own person now-too bad for them. Don't let them blame you for their unhappiness with being unable to control you anymore. Do the holidays your way-be happy-we all deserve to be&especially at this time of year.