help communicating?

*sigh*

so here goes. i can't talk. i open my mouth and the words just can't come out. whenever i need to talk about something important, i can't. i can write it (just like i'm writing this now), but when it comes to physically verbalizing, i can't do it. what is wrong with me? how can i get rid of this brain-to-mouth blockage?

your help and suggestions are appreciated...

Hi Ghost --

You can overcome this, if you want to.

I used to have trouble communicating. In fact, in my 20s, my friends -- mind you my friend called me The Sphinx bec. I was silent if a group got bigger than say, Oh me.

Or at least, me and one other person. And even then I mostly listened.

I became a reporter, and one day when I was in my late 30s, a bunch of us got talking, and all of us got into newspaper because of a newspaper column we'd read by a guy now dead (Norton Mockridge) saying that being a reporter helped him to overcome his shyness.

Eventually, I became so interested in facing up to my communication challenges, that I became a communication professor. Among other things, I teach public speaking and lecture to classes of 100.

One of the things I did along the way to confront my fears was to join Toastmasters. Our group would generally be around 20. My hands would shake when I sat down after a brief speech of a few minutes.

Research shows that most people fear public speaking more than death.

For some of us, even small groups are terrifying. I still don't like parties and meet-and-greet events.

You can take steps to change, if you want to.

And keep writing. That's a perfectly legitimate way to express yourself, too.

I don't have any solutions but I wanted you to know that I have the same problem. Good luck learning to talk. Sometimes i just try to preplan what I'll say. it helps.

This has been a problem of mine as well. It is awful sitting there with something to say and open your mouth only to have your chest tighten and throat constrict and no words come out. I would sit there trying to speak and just not be able to do so. I think for me it had to do with abandonment. If I said something that displeased my parents I didn't get in trouble, I got ignored. They wouldn't talk to me. As a young child this was unbearable. It felt like I became an ghost. I lacked substance and could disappear at any moment. As an adult I realize that they didn't do this on purpose. They were just messed up human beings. Anyway...

Things are getting better though. I am working hard on it in therapy. I started by writing stuff out and having my T read it. Then I would write it and read it out loud. Now, with a little bit of coaxing from my T, I usually am able to say it without writing it. I am also able to get into a seperate state...persona...that allows me to talk about job issues with my boss and such.
Carrie