Communicating With Neighbors

I know I'm not the only one who has this problem. Does anyone have trouble with their neighbors? Does it seem like it is very easy to get to be at odds with neighbors. I've had problems with several. Usually they offer no compromise with problems. They are always right about everything and of course, that makes me wrong. But I don't see it that way. I have tried for years to communicate with all sorts of neighbors by talking politely to them when there is a problem. What I got in return was the door shut in my face, reprisals and even threats. The problems have been too much noise by them, like music blasting or loud yelling or fighting. I have moved many times. I am at my wits end with neighbors and am at the point where I expect problems with them. They use my parking space and trash can which are clearly marked as mine, do whatever they know bothers me and then reverse it that I am the problem and report me. It's always when they have started the problem, too. Why are people who are neighbors acting enemy-like? Has anyone else noticed these things? I have been renting for many years. I have welcomed my neighbors, helped them out, fixed things for them, answered all of their questions when I did not have to, let in people for their repairs, and more, etc. I have tried really hard and feel I have failed in this sense. I have also got fed up with being treated like a nothing or a door mat. It's really hard to be a female living alone and especially with PTSD and depression and a very low income. You are thought of as insignificant often by some who would treat people that way. Ugh. Just needed to get that off of my chest. I welcome anyone who relates to me as I need comforting today! CQ

From what you say, it sounds like its your neighbours that have the problem, NOT you. I would say that you having moved many times, have been incredibly unlucky. Without meaning to sound snobby, is your neigbourhood a nice one with nice people in it?

Sometimes there are people that I have come across in life, that I just cannot live next to. They will never have any consideration for other people regarding noise and in that situation I have just made a clean break of it.

Take care, hang in there ,I am new to this forum...I hope this helps

Hi Slim,
Thanks for the reply. Actually this neighborhood is probably the one that Jerry Springer gets his guests from! No offense to Jerry. Someone else who lived in this neighborhood and moved told me that. I thought it was funny. I think I have been very unlucky except years ago I had one good place for about 3 years and then some trouble makers moved in. So, I moved and have not had a really good place in years. I want to move and am saving up the money now. I'm not even working at the moment so this move will be a difficult one to make. Hard times.

Welcome to the forum and thanks-I appreciate your concern. Seems to me that neighbors and drivers don't seem to be as considerate as in years gone by. I try to set a better example and be a nice neighbor and driver. But sometimes when I'm nice, it seems that some folks thinks that means I have a "kick me" sign on my back. You're right, it is THEIR problem. CQ

Yeah Yeah Yeah, let's get the Neighbors, before they do us, I never communicate with my neighbors...Not unless I'm fighting with them, but normally just ignore them altogether...Hey wait a minute I never commuicate with anyone for that matter, not unless it's with my Kid's school, and then were fighting.....I am very recluse now that I went underground to my fallout shelter area benieth are house....Does anyone know how to communicate with Crickets, Salamanders, Toads, and Spiders....I'd like to tell them to stay off my stuff, my computer and book's and so on...The Best way to communacate with neighbors, is to ignore them all together, and if that don't work, get a attack dog...

Eros,
That is kind of funny and a little true But I think a little drastic! Best advice I can give is the next time she moves just do not get too friendly with the neighbors, just smile and say hi or goodbye, nothing more. I had started to hate my neighbors where I lived before but did my best not to start anything with them and their annoying kids that were noisy and bothered my dog which really use to piss me off because I was on a half an acre and also had some of the area fenced in for my dog, I am happy not to be there anymore and now my dog has almost 2 acres and peace, the countryside. . . I am at peace too! Hope you will all be soon.
Take care and stay well,
"darkeyes"

Hi Darkeyes, thank you for replying to my reply, we live in wide open area of Northwestern Indiana...We have a few neighbors nearby, plus two dogs, a pit bull boxer and a black lab mix....Sure I could wave and smile to my neighibors, but then they would think I like them, I'm very private...I live on a about a half of acre of land, with my family we reside in a 96 year old midwestern pillbox house....We live just yards away from a major Railroad Junction, Candian National, and Norfolk and Western....I keep the house as a fortess as it was intended and built for, I'm it's caretaker, and in the past have had trouble with neigbors...It took 30 years for me to settle, and don't want trespassers on the property including neighbors, because they always want something, and we don't have....A couple of years ago, I had some problems with neigbors, they kept stairing at me....So I pulled out a shotgun, and blasted a five gallon bucket with buckshot, the neigbors moved away.....I'm very quiet, and have given up my weapons to the Laporte County PD, it was for a computer, I never got, after awhile I re-armed myself with a small 25 atomatic handgun and commando crossbow....I'm not a trouble maker, just misunderstood, somewhat extreme, and therefore a loner, sorry about my posting....

Well have been generally lucky with neighbours. My current set of neighbours on one side are very nice people...we get on great. On the other side we hardly ever see each other but they are fine. There are some other people across the other side of the road who are nice too, they will always invite me in for a cup of coffee. The only trouble I get living here it the house directly opposite mine. They have a dog, but they leave it outside in the front garden a lot and it barks at everything, even me when i open my front door. I can never sleep in past 8am on any day of the weekend because it is so loud it will wake me up.It drives me mad but I haven't complained once because I don't want to cause trouble. I know that if they were to refuse to keep it inside, after a discussion, I would get very nasty about it. I would soon be calling environmental health, the council, police, everyone! Once I get a idea I follow it through. I am very determined like that. So... I plan to sell up and move home soon and the last thing I want is a neighbourly dispute around my house making it hard to sell!

Well have been generally lucky with neighbours. My current set of neighbours on one side are very nice people...we get on great. On the other side we hardly ever see each other but they are fine. There are some other people across the other side of the road who are nice too, they will always invite me in for a cup of coffee. The only trouble I get living here it the house directly opposite mine. They have a dog, but they leave it outside in the front garden a lot and it barks at everything, even me when i open my front door. I can never sleep in past 8am on any day of the weekend because it is so loud it will wake me up.It drives me mad but I haven't complained once because I don't want to cause trouble. I know that if they were to refuse to keep it inside, after a discussion, I would get very nasty about it. I would soon be calling environmental health, the council, police, everyone! Once I get a idea I follow it through. I am very determined like that. So... I plan to sell up and move home soon and the last thing I want is a neighbourly dispute around my house making it hard to sell!

Thanks for the replys. I see I'm not the only one who can get irritated over neighbors. I also have a landlord who I could tell you a hundred stories about how he has been. And I know everyone else could, too. I usually say hello to neighbors and even do it first many times just to keep an open line of communication. I figure I might need to talk to them about a problem between us sometimes so saying hello helps. I even welcome them and have given some little gifts I'm proud to say. One lady I gave some veggies from my garden.

Some neighbors, though, and some landlords I completely ignore and even go out of my way to stay away from. The ones who are trying to make trouble for me in an obvious way. I will sometimes look the hallway over out my door to make sure some of them are not out there. I'm going to continue to speak to the ones I want to and even make friends with some if they are my kind of people. Like I mentioned before, I think there's a silent war going on between neighbors and drivers. When I notice stuff like that I try to make an effort NOT to follow a negative or pejorative way of acting. Setting a good example, too, catches on I noticed. They tend to take out their frustrations on each other I noticed and look for an easier target. They can't tell off their boss for fear of losing a job so they take it out where they can or think they can. That's a psychodynamic defense mech. called "displaced anger." I recall it well from my counseling and psyche classes.

Then there are genuine reasons, too, to feel annoyed with one's neighbor or anyone for that matter like SlimMan, and others mentioned. Being the target is another reason to feel irritated. Who likes that nonsense?

I have a couple of doozy neighbors now and don't say hello to them because they have treated me badly. Maybe some day that will change but not right now. I've already called someone about dogs barking continually. I didn't really want to but I needed to get some sleep. The people would leave the dogs out at the crack of dawn and they would bark for hours on end and all day long. The dogs were also very close to my window. They were given instructions on how to handle their dog by the city kennels and I noticed they started taking the dogs out in their car after that.

I've gotten real mad at neighbors and drivers, too, at times but am making a conscious effort to show more understanding these days. I try to show some tolerance and understanding because I'd, too, like those things shown to me.

Thanks again for the replys.

leave your trash cas in your garage with the doors constantly closed except the night before the trash comes. When their repair people come, pretend you are not home. otherwise try to compromise if at all possible. you might have to take them to court and if they are as bad as you say, then your other neighbors might be willing to vouch for you.

Thanks for your reply. I posted the original thread about a year ago and since then have moved. Your ideas are good ones for sure and I will use them when I need to. Thank god it is not as bad here as the last place. I thought I would go nuts and kill myself over how god awful it got there. Unbelievable torture it was-long story. I was discriminated against there for sure because they new I got help for depression and then labled me.

<font color=purple>Peace to you. CQ and the babies.</font color=purple> Please come visit my site: <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.freewebs.com/healthboards/>http://www.freewebs.com/healthboards/</A>

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