[Zen888]

I'm so confused. I only have one close friend that I can share everything with.

I started up a new friendship with this lady at college. She is sweet, friendly, respectful, kind...list goes on. We call each other on the phone when we need help with homework...etc. I will be going to church with her on Saturday. Over Christmas holidays...I went to a dinner party and Christmas party with her.

So where is the confusion??

She sometimes holds her emotions or feelings close to her and it's hard to read her. I feel at times distant from her. She is a private person.

How do I become a better friend to her without crossing boundaries or messing things up? She is truly my only friend at college.

[madisgram]

it sounds like you have made a good friend. she may be cautious for reasons unknown to you at this time. in the future perhaps she may wish to talk about herself more and "let you in". i don't think you will "mess" this up...just be yourself and in time she may open up. obviously she values you. i'd say enjoy the journey and the time you all spend together.

[rasak44]

Agreed, I wouldn't push it because a good friend is a great thing to have, but if you try to get into a relationship and something goes wrong you could be out of luck on both fronts.

[StrawberryFieldsss]

Originally Posted by Zen888

She sometimes holds her emotions or feelings close to her and it's hard to read her. I feel at times distant from her. She is a private person.

How do I become a better friend to her without crossing boundaries or messing things up? She is truly my only friend at college.

Respect her feelings.

[turquoisesea]

sometimes people are reserved... that doesn't always mean they don't consider you a good friend,

Here's a personal experience of mine that might help...
I think I might have been in a similar situation with a friend of mine, but I was in the opposite position. I really love that friend, one of my best friends. But I was in a spot a year ago where I would listen to everything my friends would say, and never say things too personal back, not because I didnt care about htem. To the contrary, one of BEST friends. They felt I wasn't open on my end

just remember, some people just are at a spot where they can't be as open .. doesnt mean they dont like you as a friend

[skymonk]

Take it slow, learn about healthy boundaries&let her have her space. I've known many people like this who start out inviting me to everything they do, call frequently&e-mail frequently only to have them totally back off because I expected more than they were able to give. I've remained "friends" with many of these people, but I refer to them as fair weather friends. Sometimes it's hard to understand people who don't follow your lead in relationships. (i.e. spilling your guts to them only to have them tell you that you depress them or they never spill their guts to you.) Good, solid,lasting friendships are hard to come by-so hang in there&if she's really the good friend you see her as, she'll open up to you too.

[TearsOnMyPillow]

Originally Posted by skymonk

only to have them totally back off because I expected more than they were able to give. I've remained "friends" with many of these people, but I refer to them as fair weather friends.

I liked when you said "expected more than they were able to give" because I have felt that way on the giving end. Being a person who battles social anxiety, it's very hard for me to open up even if I want to.

To me, "fair weather friends" are people who are only friends when times are good. To say people are these types of friends because they won't open up is not right. This person may be dying inside to share with you, but being reserved, cautious, etc. may mean they are just afraid of being judged and maybe losing you. I experience those thoughts almost every day!

You said it yourself she is a private person....

Some people really find it hard to open up while others (like me) will tell you their life story the first time you meet, it takes all sorts to make the world go round.

Give her time she may open up a bit more she may not but that does not mean she is not a friend, at least you know she will not gossip about anything you say to her !

[UnsureC91]

all of these are true, as ive been in the same situation with different people, different friends choose to open up differently. Different times, different place, etc. It all depends on the type of person he or she is. So i wouldnt worry about it personally, if u feel like you can trust her then do so. Dont push. Just let things flow. I know how you feel with the frustration and confusion but there really isnt any you can do. (You cant force the girl lol) I think you get my drift and what im trying to say .. right? i hope so. I hope this helped. When she feels ready, she will open up. Dont worry!

[Zen888]

I called her today to touch base with her and she came across as fairly distant and alouf.

I then emailed her to ask if I had done or said something to upset her.

I am so confused.

[Zen888]

***UPDATE***

I called her back again and she said she has her period and is on medication that makes her feel sleepy.

[turquoisesea]

trust me... periods do weird things
so do meds