boundaries

How do you keep healthy boundaires in relationships...I'm not really sure how this is supposed to work. Whether it be between your parents, boyfriend, teacher, friends??...help please??

Hi Myoasis,

I think biggest part of setting healthy boundaries in relationships is knowing who you are, what things you like, and what is you want out of the relationship or even out of life in general.

I also think the other part is making sure you communicate your needs and sticking to your guns if the other person tries to change your mind.

Sometimes we have a tendency to let others violate our boundaries because we cave into what they want us to do, rather than what we want to do... so I think being to stick up for ourselves is something that requires a healthy dose of self esteem.

thanks Peppermint, this helps me realise how people have treated me...and how I haven't stood up for myself...like standing up to my parents, friends, teachers, managers...this really helps...thanks again

Hi myoasis,

There's a very good book called, "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty". It's a book on how to be more assertive. Sometimes part of standing up for ourselves involves learning how to say "No" and not caving in when others want us to say "Yes".

Keep in mind though, that even with better assertiveness skills, you may not always get everything you want. However as long you clearly communicate your needs to other people, and stick to your guns when necessary, you stand a much better chance of reaching a workable compromise without feeling like you were trampled on in the process.

I believe that comprimises are a healthy part of a good relationship