I wasn't sure where to put this, so I stuck it here, feel free to move it if you want.

And I'm not sure if this may be triggering to some people or not so be careful just in case....

So I have an older brother, he's 19, I'm 17. Yeah.

A lot of times I don't know if he loves me, or hell, even likes me. I know it's stupid and that he loves me dearly, but he can be so mean at times. My parents don't notice because he either tones himself down several notches around my dad, and over at mom's he's not allowed to say hateful things and isn't allowed to reach that point of anger.

Basically when he gets mad over anything he's on a warpath, and if you know what's good for you you'll avoid him. I'm pretty sure once we were in our teens he stopped being physically violent with me, but when he's breaking things, slamming doors so hard it shakes the whole house, and screamin' profanities at the top of his lungs I just don't know what he'd do to me so I'm still wary of that and hope he doesn't come anywhere near me. On the off chance that we do cross paths when he get's like this he is more or less verbaly abusive the anything.

He's never like this when dad, mom or my step-dad are around, he actualy keeps his cool....somewhat. So the reaction I get whenever I tell them this is pretty much "I know it's bad but there is nothing e can do about it so you'll just have to put up with it" or "I'll talk with him about it" (which never helps) or "all teenage boys are like that when they get angry; it's all the testosterone"

and that's just when he's angry. other times he is overally critical of me, and when he is niether of those things he is nice. It's so weird when he is nice to me. It feels so unnatural when he follows me arround asking for hugs, saying he loves his baby sister, etc.

But it's like after today I just can't take this crap much longer. I want to love him but it's really hard when he can be so incredibly rude and hurtful to me and then turn around the next minute begging for my affections.

[rappacinisgarden]

I can understand that your brother has triggered in you contradictory feelings and you are kind of lost in knowing if he really professes you brotherly love. I personally think that your brother is abussive towards you and this is not the right way to love someone. This applies at all levels: your mother, your father, boyfriend, friends or whoever... And I don't think he has a tetosterone problem, i think it's something more deep that he can't control anymore. Of course, the ideal thing is that your parents try to stop this attitude he has with you, either talking with him or other measures...But if they don't do this it is quite difficult. You are going to have to keep out of his way if you can't make him consciouss of his abuse. If possible, could you live in separate homes? Maybe you should find a way to be separate(be diplomatic but steady). Try to explain to your parents why you want to separate from him so they take it seriously because it can really affect you. It is logical for you to feel kind of lost in how to love your brother. i have a brother, and yes, we used to fight alot when we were small but my mother would always separate us, she never let us cross the line. I remeber when my brother was a toddler, he's three yrs younger than I am, and he had a biting problem. He bit me so hard one time he left his teeth marks on my arm! Yeah, he was a toddler, but my mother ran over and smacked him on the mouth(sometimes it is necessary); I think he never did it again... Anyway when we were both older, maybe I was 15, we got into this fight and he punched me in the eye so hard it was purple the next day. My God, i cried all night, I was petrified. The next day he was totally embarassed, and he said he was really sorry. Never again did anyhting of that sort happen. And I have to say I kind of pinched him when we were fighting and I made him really mad. My father was there when he punched me, and he grabbed my brother really hard that time. I think my brother will never forget that also. We never talk about it because it was clear that he was sorry and I was also. I gather that your brother can't control his frustration or whatever and he puts it on you. This is a big mistake because soon it turns into an abussive way to deal with frustration. And I know it really hurts because it's your BROTHER and u truelly love him. So caution, next time try to make him relax or be consciouss of what he is doing or saying... It's not your fault. Good luck, rap

[AAAAA]

There is some unwritten law somewhere that brother's and sisters must fight. I know my brother and I did when we were young and my own children do as well. I've tried very hard to raise them to understand that a sibling relationship is extremely unique and special. No one else on the planet is related to you as your siblings and no one else understands your history quite as well as someone that grew up beside you.

Once in a blue moon all hell must break loose. I explain to them over and over that they wouldn't say the things they say to one another that they say to other people. That being said at 19 he's quite old enough to control his temper and behave. Try talking to him when he's calm, let him know how this behavior makes you feel.

[bonaire]

I was an only child, but my two kids get along pretty good. They're 13 & 11 now. They do "bicker" from time to time but never do anything like you say your brother does.

Now, when you say your parents say "nothing we can do..." that is the source of the issue. He got this way by his (your) parents not working with him when he first started doing it. Definitely not your fault - he has anger issues, needs parental help and also probably professional help. Knowing this, you can start to either be part of the help (give him empathy, love and some boundry rules he has to respect). Parents also have to use boundaries and parenting to help him through this. Like any disorder, it can be helped but only if he finds that he is the source of the problem and is willing to help "you guys" help him.