[Taonuviel]

i've been curious about online dating and filled out profiles to the point to where they cost money to see what kind of results i get before. i filled out one tonight... curious... you know? i see interesting people on there, would like to check it out (paid portion), but i'm not sure i'm ready to try it right now... i'm afraid i'm too unstable, and i've always wondered if i should have friendships before a potentially romantic relationship - and i haven't had friendships. and i'm really nervous about... everything to do with relationships... and i'm really hopeless...

i can't decide whether such a move would be harmful or beneficial to me right now. could give me one more thing to be down about and/or stress on me, or it could, possibly (very small possibly) help me connect and move forward.

i think i'm not healthy enough/ready, but i just don't know.

[robin620]

I met my husband on-line, but I also met a lot of jerks on the same site. There are some that don't cost anything, but you can't do as much with them either. I've seen one that has weekends where you can do almost anything for free. I've tried a lot of different ones, and got lucky with one. In the end it's the same as any other way of meeting people. You can meet a lot of people - some will be friends, some will be jerks, and sometimes you get lucky and meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. At a bar you have to buy drinks, on-line you have to buy time to communicate with people.

The biggest question is if you are ready for dating or not. Once you decide that, then you can start thinking about how you will go about it.

[seeker1950]

Hi, Tao....
Yes, you could actually meet someone worthwhile, either for friendship, or potentially romantic.
You said, "but i'm not sure i'm ready to try it right now... i'm afraid i'm too unstable, and i've always wondered if i should have friendships before a potentially romantic relationship - and i haven't had friendships. and i'm really nervous about... everything to do with relationships... and i'm really hopeless..."
I always felt that way myself, when i was venturing into the online dating scene. In truth, I probably wasn't stable enough to have done it. My experiences were bad, including the men I dated for substantial time from meeting in this venue.
In my opinion, for what little it's worth, you need a healthy head of self-esteem to embark on the internet dating scene. You need the ability to discern, very much so, into what is real and what is illusion. You need the ability to say "NO," to some you meet, and trust your gut instincts.
Another thing I experienced in every contact, was pressure from them for face to face meetings (dates) before I felt ready. I wanted more time corresponding...even before receiving phone calls from them. My experience was most men didn't want to do that.
The face-to-face meeting really amounts to scrutinizing each other. If you feel enough self-confidence to subject yourself to this, to possibly rejecting the person you meet (i.e., hurting feelings), or to being rejected (not hearing from them again), then maybe you are ready. Then there is the person you meet, whom you see again, though you're not sure. This was where i made my mistakes, because my gut told me I was unsure, but they seemed to really like me....Ahhh...they liked me,and they chose ME!
In the end, I should have been more discerning. That is the key.
Please let us know what you decide.
Patty

[turquoisesea]

I'm so unstable right now. But I have a bf. And he works through things with me. It's ok. It'll be harder to deal with than a "normal" relationship - but at the same time if it's out there on the table from the start, the guy will have to care, and will know what he's getting into. To do that, he'll have to love you. That's what you want
For what it's worth, i dont think you have to be totally stable going into a relationship, as long as you are open about it, and as long as you're TRYING to get better (which I know you are *hugs*

Second, I DO think you need friends. Mainly because, i'd hate to have anything go wrong and you not to have a support network. (laughs because ... my friend support list is rather limited x.x)
So... maybe you could go look for some friends as well as a bf?

just my two cents

good luck wichever and all ways you decide to go *hugs*

[bluesugar]

I do online dating all the time. I have good and bad results with it. I just joined one where you have to pay and I meet someone tonight that seems really nice and fun to be with and someone that has his head on straight and not out for money. We are starting out slow because we are both coming out of bad realationships. Can't believe it. No sex on the first date because he had a family emergency. I hope to see him again but I think the drive might get to him because we are an hour away from each other and I don't drive. We'll see what comes out it. The last one I want to kill. He took me for all my money and he is using everything against me. So we will see how this all works out. Natalie

[MollyPop]

I met my last bf via online dating. We were together just over a year. We broke up 3 weeks ago. Now I'm also wondering if I should give it another shot. I met many, many frogs last time around... also not sure if I'm ready to start again.

How do you know when you are ready?

use plentyoffish.com, its free.
i met a lot of really neat people on there.