[Kelly3]

Hey,
The following is something I've noticed alot, and wondered what people's opinions are on the matter.

I'm 15, and my mum and dad are undoubtedly my best friends. We're constantly messing about like friends do; Hugging, poking, sticking tongue out, ruffling hair, you name it. We've never had an argument between us, and if we disagree with something another says, we tell them rather than shout it out.
I consider myself extremely lucky to have such a pleasant family life.

But here's the thing; whenever I go out with mum, (dad's usually at work) It's no different. If we stand in a queue, I usually stand behind her and hang over her shoulders, hugging her (I'm tall), When we walk down the road, I'll often grab hold of her hand, If we're in a silly mood, we'll walk along side eachother and walk like in a three-legged race, without the ropes, And if I've been at a friend's, when she meets me in town to pick me up, I'll run up and jump hug her.
I don't see this as odd at all;
but mum and I have noticed that whenever we do such things in public, people look at us like we're mad.
We've even been at the bank, and whilst I was hugging her, the cashier said "mm, what does she want from you?" to mum.
I find it quite exasperating that people automatically assume I want something from my parents, purely because I'm showing affection!

Even certain professionals in the mental health service view our relationship as "too close"
Can you BE too close? I think not, personally.

Do you think our relationship is unusual?
Or is it how parent/child relationships should be, and that most families have become further apart, so can't comprehend or understand a close relationship with their child, so therefore automatically assume that a hug is a means of manipulation of some sort?

Your opinions would be much appreciated

[cantstopcrying]

My girls and I are the same way!! They are 15 and 16. Kaity (15) was hugging me in the store and a lady walked by with her daughter and said, "see, they hug each other!! Gimme a hug," and her daughter rolled her eyes! I think you and I are blessed!

[selfy]

well.

imo. your mummy and daddy are awesome ^^

i think, that half of my friends parents are so caught up in their jobs, and their life, that they forget the have children almost. they dont show affection nearly as much as they should. i think people should have a hug in the morning, a hug in the evening, and lots inbetween.

my family arent as tactile as yours, but then thats cuz henry is aspergic, and has contact issues, and dad feels uncomfy with lots of human contact. its a personal preference.

some people might think that kids only show affection to get something from their parents, but im not quite sure that people realise that children arent as cynical and manipulative as adults. if i hug my mummy its cuz i love my mummy ^^

i finks, the mental professionals are nuts. they should enjoy seeing such a good relationship, as apposed to trying to find a problem with it. people are so negative now.

i think theyre being silly ^^

that close a relationship is good, because i think it would make you more comfy with telling your parents stuff.

hugs are good ^^

[Kelly3]

I'm glad to hear it. Keep close to your babies!

Originally Posted by cantstopcrying

My girls and I are the same way!! They are 15 and 16. Kaity (15) was hugging me in the store and a lady walked by with her daughter and said, "see, they hug each other!! Gimme a hug," and her daughter rolled her eyes! I think you and I are blessed!

[cantstopcrying]

At their age, they still call me mom, momma or mommy, I still get goodbye kisses in the morning--even in front of their friends and they still like me to "tuck" them in at night. It's awesome!

[Blue93]

probs cause most kids around our age don't show affection in public to their parents cause that's not 'cool' or whatever...
So i guess people think its odd when they see do someone hug their parents.
and i guess its natural to rebel against your parents abit during puberty as we can't rely on them forever... gotta stand on our own two feet eventually.
Not saying that your relationship with your parents is unhealthy or something... It's just different for different people i guess? --> but what do i know with the fcked up people i had for 'parents'...

Blue

[Kelly3]

^_^
I love you, dot. and your family. They're cool. ^_^
+ I'm glad you agree.
xxxx

Originally Posted by selfy

well.

imo. your mummy and daddy are awesome ^^

i think, that half of my friends parents are so caught up in their jobs, and their life, that they forget the have children almost. they dont show affection nearly as much as they should. i think people should have a hug in the morning, a hug in the evening, and lots inbetween.

my family arent as tactile as yours, but then thats cuz henry is aspergic, and has contact issues, and dad feels uncomfy with lots of human contact. its a personal preference.

some people might think that kids only show affection to get something from their parents, but im not quite sure that people realise that children arent as cynical and manipulative as adults. if i hug my mummy its cuz i love my mummy ^^

i finks, the mental professionals are nuts. they should enjoy seeing such a good relationship, as apposed to trying to find a problem with it. people are so negative now.

i think theyre being silly ^^

that close a relationship is good, because i think it would make you more comfy with telling your parents stuff.

hugs are good ^^

[Berries]

I don't find it odd!! I find it utterly REFRESHING & SWEET!!!!

[Kelly3]

Lol "because it's not cool" < That's always made me laugh.
Hon, you can't control who your parents are. I, for one, think you should be bloody proud of the person you are, with no thanks to your parents. I don't think you realise just how wonderful you are.
*hugs*
xxx

Originally Posted by Blue93

probs cause most kids around our age don't show affection in public to their parents cause that's not 'cool' or whatever...
So i guess people think its odd when they see do someone hug their parents.
and i guess its natural to rebel against your parents abit during puberty as we can't rely on them forever... gotta stand on our own two feet eventually.
Not saying that your relationship with your parents is unhealthy or something... It's just different for different people i guess? --> but what do i know with the fcked up people i had for 'parents'...

Blue

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by Kelly3

Hey,

Do you think our relationship is unusual?
Or is it how parent/child relationships should be, and that most families have become further apart, so can't comprehend or understand a close relationship with their child, so therefore automatically assume that a hug is a means of manipulation of some sort?

Your opinions would be much appreciated

Maybe not unusual but not near as common as it once was...

Independence comes earlier these days and generally not as a result of choice by the children...our culture has taught parents to "want" more and as a result the raising of children is a lessor priority especially once they have some independence....

You have wonderfull parents who spend time with you and this time allows you to gain mutual respect which is one important of healthy long term relationships...Also affection is expressed in candid and comfortable ways,,without shame or fear....

The looks you see from folks and the comments expressed are envy....

You guys have done well...and these tools of Love will be passed to your children...

A grand family you are.....

Lenny

[Kelly3]

Aw, thanks, Lenny!
See, I'm perfectly able to fend for myself, and am not completely dependant on my parents, as you'd think. I just happen to like spending time with them.

Originally Posted by Lenny

Maybe not unusual but not near as common as it once was...

Independence comes earlier these days and generally not as a result of choice by the children...our culture has taught parents to "want" more and as a result the raising of children is a lessor priority especially once they have some independence....

You guys have done well...and these tools of Love will be passed to your children...

A grand family you are.....

Lenny

people will probably look at it oddly because it's not common anymore. i know if i say a relation that tight i'd probably find it a little uncomfortable- i only have my own experiences with my parents to base it on, of course.

if you're happy with the relationship you have with your parents, though, then there should be no need to worry about what others think. it's good to have a loving relationship with the people who brought you up.

[selfy]

luuuuucassssss!

you're fantastic. and only you are to hold responsible for that.

so is everyone else.

uber huge huggles for you all ^^

xxx

[bebop]

oh kelly hon reading this brought tears to my eyes! you are one lucky girl! don't worry what people think about a wonderful relationship with your parents. it is as it should be hon. I am glad to know there are parents and kids that do this!

[AAAAA]

Oh I think there is a such thing as being too close, but I don't think you're anywhere near that line from what you described. I think it's wonderful and natural that you have such an affectionate relationship with your parents.

Some people have issues with things like this. While my mother's side of the family was very huggy, a kiss was a rare thing (unless dealing with a child of course) usually on the cheek. On my father's side of the family, they greeted you by giving you a kiss on the lips which made my mother uncomfortable.

I confess when my husband and I got married I found it odd that his cousin was 17 and came in and sat on her father's lap. But once I got to know them I realized there was nothing untoward about this situation, it was completely normal for them.

My own family is very affectionate, my kids still give me a hug and a kiss when they leave (whether friends are with them or not). We enjoy spending time together and I hope it remains that way forever.

[Kelly3]

Aw, hugs to you, Bebop.

And you too, vince.

Thanks guys

[Kelly3]

Cool, thanks, AAAAA
And yeah, I hear you. My aunt, for example isn't a very huggy person, and if I ask for a hug, she looks at me funny before she grabs me, lol.

[melissa1202]

i don't find that odd at all. I hope my young children stay as affection when they are teens. Your mom and dad are very lucky to have you.

[mlpHolmes]

So Beautiful Kelly !!!!!!!

Live in Love,

Holmes

[turquoisesea]

my opinion is you can't be too close

typical opinion is you can.

oh well what do I know

if you're comfy with it... good
I have a feeling that lots of people think you can get too close because some really close relationships aren't positive ones???? Again, beats me

I say, MORE HUGS FOR EVERYONE, YAY!

[AAAAA]

Too close is a relationship in which neither child nor parent seek outside company. Parent uses child to fill a void and does not want the child to seek outside relationships even into adulthood. I have an Aunt that was that way, saw her children's spouses as rivals for her child's attention. She expected to be first in her child's affection and said so on a regular basis, even above their own children. Her husband's parents died shortly after they married; she created a tale of horror (completely untrue) about her own parents and family so that her kids were never really close to anyone but her growing up.

I haven't spoken to Kelly directly in quite a while, but she is very sweet, friendly and scarey smart. Which tells me she can and does seek relationships outside of her immediate circle. That tells me that her parents have given her a strong foundation of both roots and wings.

So Kelly, the next time someone makes a comment like "what does she want" feel sorry for them because in their own experience their children are only affectionate for a reason, feel sorrier for their children.

[Behindthemoon]

well,people tend to sterotype everything in a sterotype world in which case everything to much or too little seems harsh for their eyes. But can you tell how close is too close?Or shall we perhaps have something closeness index to measure it?
Every time i do a Minnesota personality test i am wondering : so you think these silly multiple choices will include and differentiate all the people?
Your relationship is not odd at all. This is a modern world and things just differ. Enjoy your threasure buddy.

[Kelly3]

Aw, thanks AAAAA and Behindthemoon

Yes, I agree, AAAAA, The situation you described IS too close, but then again, if a relationship is so close it's negative, can it really be considered a close relationship? When I think of a close relationship, I think positive and loving, rather than negative and possessive.

*shrugs*

Idk


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