Boundaries of a friendship

I am having a personal struggle making a decision about a friendship that has gone on for several years. There are many things this person and I have in common and I do love them but our approach to life and problem solving have big differences. I feel that my friend is in a constant state of crisis and that I can no longer handle it. I don't know what to do because my friend has a debilitating health condition and is severely depressed. But, I get long angry letters and emails that outline all her problems and sometimes I am depressed for days afterword. When I told her to get professional help she went once and then walked out on it. I didn't get any felicitations from her on my birthday or Xmas or any other special occasion. For some reason I have just let things get to this point because of her illness and I can't seem to resolve what to do about this relationship. The last straw was a cryptic email telling me "something" was coming in the mail. It triggered anxiety that a bomb will be dropped on me in the form of long-winded venting and I have medical conditions of my own. Why on earth do I feel guilty..... I want to be a good friend but there has to be something positive in life and it can be habit forming to look for something in each day to be thankful for.

Hi Eagle,

I think there are several ways you could handle this situation:

1. Try to quickly change the subject matter of the conversation when your friend starts whining and moaning about her life.

2. Try talking to your friend about her need to whine and moan constantly. Tell her that while you value her friendship, her constant whining and moaning is too much for you to handle and that she needs to seek professional help for her problems.

3. If all else fails, I would start to distance myself from the relationship by not answering her phone calls, emails, or letters and making yourself less available for face to face get togethers.

While it is okay for friends to OCCASIONALLY vent about their problems, IT IS NOT OKAY FOR A FRIEND TO WHINE AND MOAN ABOUT THEIR LIFE ALL THE TIME!!!

A good, solid friendship should be about 90% fun times and 10% sad times... any more than that, and it's not a friendship.... but a burden.

Anyway... that's just my $0.02, but I hope my advice is useful to you.

All the best,

Peppermint Patty