I am completely broken. He has broken me. I no longer have the self-confidence that I once had. I have been isolated from my friends and family. I am trying to pick myself up and walk out…my lack of self-esteem is keeping me from doing so.

Zoloft has masked my true feelings for the past year. I discontinued in October and can see things so clearly now. He says I’m clinically depressed but I’ve never been depressed until I got in this relationship.

The emotional abuse and head games have gone far enough. I’ve been with him for almost 4 years. We’ve been engaged for 2. We broke up once and he begged and pleaded for me to come back. He swore he would change and honestly, he has gotten better than what he was before.

We are just two different people. I used to be fun and outgoing. I still try to find the good in everyone. He is a VERY negative person. He thinks everyone is stupid. I should have gotten a clue with the way he treats his mother. He has always clashed with her over the smallest issue. She was diagnosed with colon cancer recently and every time I ask about her, he says, “I don’t know; I don’t like talking to her because she whines too much about her cancer and it’s annoying.”

He makes me feel guilty about going out with friends. He always says, “Oh. I thought you wanted to spend time with me but apparently your friends are way more important.” This is why I am isolated because I just want to avoid the guilt trip and head games so I don’t even hang out with anyone anymore.

I need to find the strength and confidence to leave. I’m so scared and I don’t know why. I’ve been through this before and he broke down and I felt bad but why should that matter? He makes me feel bad constantly. His negativity is draining.

[youOme]

I lived in a very similar relationship for 6 years and it was pure hell. I look back on it and realize I wasted to much time with him, I was seriously misreable and depressed to. Don't make the same mistake, already 4 years has gone. You can be happy and you deserve to be. Why sacrifice your happiness for some one who doesn't provide you with basic emotional needs? I hope you do find the couarge to do what you want and to leave.

[trevorzero]

What has been broken can be put back together.

You know what to do.

You know why you need to do it.

Enlist the aid of someone who will back you up when you walk out the door.

Do you love yourself enough to do the right thing?

[valexand]

Wow. You know...recently I was describing in this forum similar things to yours. I was also with this guy for 4 years. I fell in love with this man because of his great sense of humor, his (initial) kindness, his wit and his fantastic talent in photography... BUT he loved his own opinions...a bit too much. He also loved himself more than anyone else. However, it took me sometime to figure him out.
Here were my observations: he never supported me with my work and my horrible boss, he never comforted me when a family member of mine passed away, he never appreciated my dad's help around the house who always came to help with handyman stuff, he would tell me to "dress better" around the house because I was turning him off with the baggy clothes I was wearing, he would mention to me that I've gained weight and comment on me having 3 chins, in our 4 years together he never told me that he loved me (not once).
We were both in science so he frequently mentioned that based on my character (being dramatic, emotional, passionate and romantic) I should not have chosen this field because "most likely" I won't succeed in it. When we were with friends (without them knowing that we were "together" cause he wanted to keep it a secret) he spoke ALL THE TIME and his opinions had to be the ones to win the conversation.

Here is what I suspect: I was prettier than him and smarter (did better at my job despite having it tougher than him). Actually he really was an unattractive man. He felt uncomfortable standing next to me, I was able to feel this. Sometimes he had also mentioned this as well. But I always comforted him about this. There were other things too about him that made him feel insecure.

Both you and me got involved with insecure little men. In order to keep us near them they belittle us by making us feel inferior. They stand on our weaknesses and point them out to us as if they don't have their own faults. I'm pretty sure that if you take a closer look at him, you will find 20 times more faults that what he finds in you.
A person that loves you, loves everything about you, the good and bad. Life is short so the person you spend most of you time with, the person with whom you share love, should MAKE SURE that you feel good and loved.
I've been thinking of all these things this week myself because of the people that responded to my thread. The things they said woke me up. My brain is starting to look at the math of things.
I was always afraid to leave him. Afraid to be alone in my life. He had crushed my self confidence so much that I had told myself several times "wow, I so look like crap, I so suck at my job, my life is so bad and....thank God at least I have him". Seriously, was that a woman with a brain?

My life before him was great. My life after him (yes I did leave him) is much better as well. I will always carry scars from that experience but I'm working on myself to try and forget. I'm trying to repair myself. Yes, I'm alone (single for 4 years now) and yes it is tough but not as tough as it was with him.
Good luck.

[turquoisesea]

*hugs*
I'm sorry.
I'm glad you can see clearly now.

so many people hold fast to anything that they are used to, it is secure, known. the UNknown is a scary thing.

But in this case, it sounds like the unkown, although scary and different is better than going through this.

You can do this.

[bonaire]

You kind of describe where I was in the couple years before marriage. I love my wife and love my kids but wasn't happy much before we got married (kind of like your situation). My wife lived with me for almost five years before we got married. I was cynical also at the time (not as bad as you mentioned above). But there was a catch. I felt I had to get married - rather than having a strong desire to get married. Been married now almost 15 years, two great kids, good home, etc. But, we're definitely different people. We are in much different situation now than before we got married. She's now almost disabled (bad back, headaches all the time, other health issue) and I've let my health go too. We get into disagreements over little things all the time. We don't really have much of a relationship other than our history together.

What I'm trying to say is if you don't have the strength to get out now - when you're married, 10 or 15 years out, you'll look back and think "my life - what happened?" You need to make decisions now that guide your life in the direction you want to go. You shouldn't stay in a relationship because of the other person. Especially if they don't treat you well.

Friends? You deserve friends. Happiness? You deserve happiness. The only way to make it your reality is to ... make it your reality and do what your gut feels is right.