[Wants2Fly]

My mother is 80. She lives in a world bordered by CNN news and the supermarket out on Route 7.

She called this morning as I was praying. It was the usual diatribe about how the "world is falling apart." I didn't know what to say. Sometimes I try to change the topic to something more cheerful or, at least, neutral. Indeed, I tried the weather. But my head just wasn't there for this conversation this morning.

She is good at heart, is paying some of my bills throughout this long period of unemployment for me. At one point, I was so silent, she asked me I was still there, and I said yes. I know it hurts her feelings when her children don't respond (my brother has lapsed back into not calling her at all, pretty much since his phone message to me when I was suicidal telling me to just kill myself. She told him at that time to "leave your sister alone.")

I will make it up to her sometime when I am better able to keep up my end of a lively conversation, but I feel that I let her down, didn't treat her with the love and compassion I want to give myself and all people.

Also, I am not seeing any posts from IG and I feel really bad about what happened.

Thanks for letting me share this.

[Mahali]

Wantstofly

It sounds like you give all you can and then some.

There is not any more that you can do. I am sure your mom understands.

My thoughts are with you.

[Isolated_Guy]

Hi, Wants2Fly. You're the last one who should ever feel bad about what happened. Even though you were making the same point as the others, you were still "with me". I hope I'm wrong but I get the sense I'm very much disliked here and it started long before that. If you'll notice, there are those who resist advice to the same or greater degree than I did, yet there is still the acceptance for them. I hope your showing concern for me is no reflection on what others think of you.

As for your mom, I so much understand her feeling about everything falling apart. What's worse, CNN and those other news networks only show the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the more serious concerns there are. To be fair though, the news only focuses on the negative. There are good things as well happening all the time but they, for the most part, don't seem to want us to concentrate on them.

Anyway, I do like you and I don't want to see you be such a stranger here. You have nothing to feel bad about from what happened.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wants2}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Do you suppose your mother would understand if you told her that you need to talk about brighter things than the news? Perhaps if you told her it really gets you down because you have enough personal problems of your own to deal with.

No doubt she needs to get those things off her chest, but maybe she can discuss it with friends instead of you.

Poor baby! I agree with her! I just choose to not listen to the news unless it's local.

[h0kie]

W2F...my grandmother was the same way after 9/11. My grandfather had just passed in June. She was almost obsessed/compulsive about watching the news. It got to the point where many of her children and my family were worried about her. We helped curb her news obsession/compulsion with getting her out of the house more.

I remember reading somewhere (I forget where) that the news can cause depression. I watch the local news off and on. I do know that you should discourage children (and many elderly are somewhat childlike) from watching the news. It can cause nightmares.

They say to read the newspaper with your kids...that way you control what they read (and it builds reading skills). I think I have taken off on a tangent...lol

[Wants2Fly]

Thanks SM and 1 Day for your input. I do not live near my mother. When I visited for a week at Christmas, my aunt (who had just had gall bladder surgery) and uncle sat me down for a talk about my mother.

She is isolating. She refuses to visit doctors and, if she goes, she doesn't take their advice. She has a reputation for being someone that you "just can't talk to." Very stubborn. I was elected by the family to intervene about 3 years ago, and flew home to take her to a doctor.

I pointed out that my mother's refusal to make friends, get out of the house, do something besides smoke cigs and watch TV, goes back 30 years, and that I'm sorry that she doesn't want to leave her home and do anything, but I don't know what to do about it.

"Don't take this on you," my aunt said. "I've always said that God helps those who help themselves."

When I'm with my mother, I can see how far I've come from the legacy of negativity and paraonoia. Just as I inherited these from mother, I've also inherited brains and a certain amount of beauty (when I was younger), a common sense approach to life, some pretty good values and ideals.

I love my mother very much but asking her not to talk about how she sees the world is not a boundary I'm willing to draw at this time.

I think your advice was sensible, though. Maybe when I see my T next week, I'll talk about this.

[mortimer]

You'll want to bring it up in a non threatening way I think. 'You know mom, the world does have its crappy things going on, but not all of it's bad. The news doesn't list all the good things going on cos I guess it's just not juicy enough.' Or something. I would hate to hear you have to decrease your time on the phone with her over it, it's sad that she's so sad to see all of the bad in the world. She may not want help, but she does deserve your support. And kudos for giving that, it must be very difficult.

There's only so much you can do though, remember that. She sounds like she's had a long life, and a good one if she's been surrounded by people like you, so what can you do? She sounds like a nice lady, I can see where you'd of gottan it. How often do you talk to her?

I'd get as much of the negitivity off your chest as you can before you pick up the phone again. >_< Good luck. *hug*

[Wants2Fly]

A really great suggestion, Mortimer! Maybe I can work that in sometime.

Quite often, I can twist the conversation in some other direction -- I just didn't have the energy for it.

We talk about once a week. 2 of my gf lost their moms last year and were really affected by it -- and it hit me that I don't know what I'm gonna do when my mom isn't around anymore. I'm 56, and she's always been here for me. Always. Whether we are on good terms or bad at the moment. Even if I haven't seen her for 3 years, as I did at one point (but I was in touch by phone). I was not in Antarctica -- I was a 6 hour drive away (but, in my own defense, very poor to spend money on travel).

Writing this stuff makes me see how much I love my mom, and maybe need to express that to her instead of here. Now, that's a thought!

Wants2fly, I think you did wonderful given the circumstances. We sometimes can't control the way our inner feelings affect our interactions with others. Sounds like you did what was appropriate and then some. I hope you begin to feel better soon. Much love.

Ryan