[savingjanedoh]

I'm addressing different areas of my sanity score because all of it has been on my mind anyway.

Life Events. My most recent dealt with my past relationship. And now that I'm in a new one, I find it even more reason to be dealt with.

I had some terrible things happen in my past relationship. I was with a controlling, couldnt finish anything, womanizer, "victimized", lying bastard who thank God did not ruin my life, but he damaged my heart.

He almost killed my dog and the night I broke off our engagement was the night he scared me so bad I was trembling. I've never trembled like I did that night. I was so angry and terrified at the same time. Terrified somehow because I didn't want to do anything I would regret. My roommate might as well have saved my life.

Anyway not too long after, he came to me and begged and pleaded...FOR DAYS. Until it became so ridiculous I couldn't stand it anymore and just walked away when he was on his knees crying to me. Emotionless and no eye contact. Later, he attempted to cut at his wrists.

I never told him what I felt about how much of an asshole he was because I was concerned for his own well being and just wanted to be a good person. The problem was I didnt get ANY closure from the ordeal and the last time I spoke to him I was STILL nice. Not that I feel guilty for his own mental issues, but I guess I didnt want to enable it.

I'm stuck in between forgiveness and expression. I want closure, but not sure how to get it. I see the pros n cons of both of these.

[sabby]

(((((((((( savingjanedoh ))))))))))))

I'm so glad you got away from your ex when you did. You had the common sense to know that it was not a good situation and you did wonderful self care.

I don't know how long it's been since you walked away from him. But I do know that forgiveness takes time. It takes time to get your heart and head together to think and feel the same way. It sounds to me like you are on your way to closure though. You are thinking properly and realizing that you should not feel guilty for his illness(es) or his actions.

I think we have a tendency to wonder if we had done things differently we may have been able to change the outcome....and while I think it's good to think of different ideas that we could have tried for future use, more than likely they wouldn't have made that much of a difference in the final outcome.

I too, have been struggling this past year with closure of my marriage. I have questions of my ex as to why he did things the way he did, but I will never get answers from him. All I want is to have some understanding of what happened, what went so terribly wrong. All I can do is guestimate what happened. It's been a bit of a struggle coming to grips with it, but I have made good progress and time really does help.

So, I guess what I'm saying is to give yourself some time. The break up of a relationship puts you into a grieving process....we grieve the loss of what we hoped would be a loving and giving relationship. Time is on your side. And I think you have a great attitude and a logical mind to get through this.

Wishing you well!


sabby