Not alot in common

Hi Everyone

I made a friend at college during the Fall 2008 semester. She is 10 years younger than me. She is very sweet, down-to-earth, and kind.

All we ever talk about is school and her going to church.

I don't know how to keep this friendship going because I don't want to talk about school and I am uncertain about my religious views. I am not against church....just don't know what I believe at this point in my life.

I try to bring up new topics during our phone conversations but we usually get back to talking about college and church. I don't like talking about school...etc. It does my head in.

Any ideas?

Well... there is the option of explaining what you would like, you should be upfront about stuff like this. If she's like you said, then she should, in theory, understand. You don't what to blow up in anger because you simply didn't say something earlier and you become fed up with an otherwise great friend.

She can't be a better friend to you, if you don't speak your mind.

I would have alot of difficulties opening up to her. She is a very very very private person with her emotions and her life. Going out for coffee with her one time was so painful it was as fun as watching paint dry.

Tell her about your day ? What you have been doing ? Anything happen to you recently that was funny ? Make notes during the day and use that as pointers to add into the conversation ....

Hi Zen888

It's possible that your friendship is a situational one in the sense that the only common ground between you two is the fact that you are both college students.

Another example of situational friendships are friendships with co-workers.

Many times co-worker friendships cannot get into the realm of true friendship because the only commonalities are the job, the company, the boss, etc. When one friend leaves the company or moves to another department (if it's a large business), the friendship often ends.

Sometimes though situational friendshipships can become more multidimensional and can venture into the realm of a true and longer term friendship, but this only happens if you and and your friend are willing and able to explore other interests.

For example, in your case... if you find yourself in sort of a rut when it comes to your conversations with this friend (you only talk about church or school), perhaps you need to find some activities that you both would enjoy.

So.... what sort of interests does your friend have?

And what are your interests?

Perhaps you could go shopping together sometime, or go visit a museum or art exhibit.

Does your friend like participating in any sports? Perhaps you could play a game of tennis or something. Or maybe you could take a fun class together -- like learning to cook Chinese food or craftmaking, etc.

Also... does your friend like movies? That's always another fun thing to do with friends.

Anyway... don't give up on this person just yet.

Even true friendships can have moments where they are a bit boring... but I have found from my own personal experience that it helps to jazz them up a bit by finding fun activities to do together.

After all... too much talking (blah, blah, blah) does get old after a while even if you happen to have a lot of things in common!

Anywho... good luck!

Peppermint Patty

Why would want to continue a "friendship" like this? It sounds like a very uncomfortable situation, not a friendship. Maybe she needs some help, but you aren't a therapist. Friends are people that you enjoy being with and have much in common, feel free to be yourself around. Friends aren't people you only feel sorry for.

You might try some of the very good suggestions made by other people here, especially Peppermint Patty. But if that does not get her going and coming out of her shell, then the best you can do, if you feel comfortable enough, is tell her as kindly and constructively as possible how you feel. Suggest she may want to see a therapist to help her explore her feelings more, to be able to open up to other people.

If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then I would just let the relationship go, don't be rude. Just be "busy" when she calls, try to find other people to sit with or talk to at school, or say you just feel like being alone, you have a lot of work to do.

If this happens to her enough she may start to question if she has a problem and seek help for herself. Or she'll simply find other people who only want to talk about school and church and they'll all be very happy and interested in that together. It does not sound like you are.

I left a voice message saying I'd call her back when I am feeling better on Friday. I had sinus allergies and PMS....now I have my period.

I have no desire to call her at all. She bores the you know what out of me. I think I should just let this friendship die a natural death instead of trying to make something out of nothing.

Good for you.