[confusedteen]

I'm sixteen,
and I need help talking to my parents. I've been thinking for a long time and I think it would be beneficial for me personally if I could talk to a therapist. I'm having a lot of trouble with my emotions and really letting them show and I would like someone to talk things through with. Like all the everyday struggles and the deeper stuff that I'm afraid to talk to my parents about. Sometimes I just feel so down and I feel so alone but others times I'm so happy and want to be around people. I want to work out all the mood swings and all the anger I have kept inside me and I think talking to a therapist would help me figure out who I am. But how do I say all this to my parents when it scares the living crap out of me?
Any advice?
Parents what would you want your child to do???
Sincerely,
confusedteen <3 <3

[lmg103]

Hey so I don't really have much advice for you...but when I read your post it made me think of me. I was in the same position just a couple months ago. I knew I had to talk to a therapist but didn't know how to tell my parents. I thought they would look down upon me but eventaully they found out I was depressed and talked to me about it and were surprisingly very supportive about everything. So if I were you I would just stick it out and tell them that you are having trouble dealing with some things in your life right now and you think talking to a therapist would benefit you.

Sorry if that didn't help at all.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk

[sunrise]

Hi confusedteen. I am the mom of two teenage girls and I would want my girls to go to therapy if they felt they needed it. I think I would especially want them to go if they were depressed. If you do tell your parents you would like to see a therapist, be prepared to tell them why. They will be concerned and want to know.

However, some parents might not like it. But what is the worst that could happen if you tell them you would like to see a therapist? Would they be angry? Become defensive? Say no? Try to talk with you more about your problems? Are any of these that bad? Worse than not risking asking your parents at all? Your parents might try to tell you that being moody and so on is just part of being a teenager. But don't let that reason discourage you from therapy. Just because many teens may experience shifting moods doesn't mean that it won't help to talk with a therapist. If you think you will meet with a "no" answer from your parents, I suggest enlisting the aid of other adults (sometimes parents will listen to other adults when they won't listen to their kids). For example, your school counselor or family doctor.

You could seek the advice of your school counselor. Tell her what you have written here and ask her if you think seeing a therapist would be helpful. Then when you tell your parents, you can say that you spoke with your school counselor and she thought seeing a therapist would be a good idea. You could even suggest to your parents that they call your counselor to talk this over (get the OK on this first from your counselor). If your parents don't believe that you need a therapist and your school counselor does, she might be able to get your parents on board with the idea.

Another person to share your concerns with is your family doctor. At your age, you are probably alone in the room with your doctor most of the time rather than having mom or dad present. (If not, you can tell the doctor you have something you'd like to discuss alone, and they will readily accommodate you and ask mom to wait outside.) Then describe what you've said here, and doctor will probably give you a referral to a therapist and can help tell your parents too. The doctor might also ask you some brief questions aimed at detecting depression.

My youngest daughter, age 15, has been in therapy for 2 years. I think it's been very good for her, in subtle and intangible ways. (So if your parents do agree to let you go to therapy, they shouldn't have expectations for overnight resolution of your problems.)

An appropriate sort of therapist might be a Family Therapist who has experience working with teens (in contrast to a family therapist who emphasizes couples counseling).

But how do I say all this to my parents when it scares the living crap out of me?

"Mom and Dad, lately I've been having a lot of trouble. I'm so moody and can get upset by the littlest things. Sometimes I feel down and so alone. But I don't feel I can talk to you about what's going on with me, even though I know you would want to help. I talked to my school counselor and she recommended I try seeing a therapist. I think I'd like to give that a try. What do you think?"

What you say doesn't have to be long or detailed. If you are unsure what to say, write it out beforehand. Practice it. If you can't get the words out, hand the paper to one of your parents and have them read it.

If you get emotional when telling your parents, or you cry, it's OK. It's a stressful thing to do, and tears help rid our bodies of stress chemicals.

[ECHOES]

Tell them, at a quiet time, what you've posted here. That you want to understand yourself better so you can live the life you desire, and can be the best you can be!
I know you are 'only' 16 , yet you are nearly at adult age and moving toward that can be overwhelming and frightening. So on the one hand, you are 'only' 16, but on the other, you are 'nearly' an adult and you are thinking about important things and making a sound decision. Of course you want to understand yourself better, feel better, and feel free to be yourself and show your emotions. You want to be the best you that you can be!

They may not understand why they can't fulfill the therapist role for you.
They may feel threatened or judged as not good enough parents.
So let them know that this is about you and not about them.

If they are resistant to the idea, you could negotiate/request a trial period to see how it goes.

How do you imagine they will respond to your idea?

[turquoisesea]

I'd like to echo the great posts here.

Your parents are likely to help you. The worst they can do is say no... so worth trying to get what you feel you need.
good luck