[thunderbear]

This is parts from my diary from yesterday and today. Y'all tell me what you ll think(p.s. R. is my husband)
April 7, 2009
I am so pissed off right now. I had my wisdom tooth pulled today. It hurts really bad. When I got my script for my pain meds filled, i gave R. 5 right off. Now he wants 5 more. I only have 10 left. If i don't give them to him he will get mad at me.. Sure he gives me some of his when he gets them, but he gets 60 every 18 days and I only get 16-20 of them. Not half of what he has. I just gave him the 5 now he' s all bein nice and talkitive to me. **** that. Now even though I am in alot of pain, I can't take no meds because I don't have enough. I will need then for tomarrow. I am pissed that he thinks so less of me that he would do this. Just wait till he gets his next week. I don't care. Even though I won't take them I will ask for 10 a day. R. pissed me off anyway today he finally got an interveiw and did'nt go. his reason? He did'nt want to ask his grandpa for $5 in gas to go because he did'nt want his grandpa to know his business. Now instead of us finally having money to pay our bills we have nothing. Here lately 'm geting kind of sick of him. Not that I don't love him, I just don't like some of the **** he does. He has addmitted he sometimes don;t need to take Vicodin he just wants to. Well I need them right now. I am in ALOT of pain. He don't care. And he just asked "What am I doing wrong?" Oh my goodness men can be dumb sometimes. I told him " I give you anything and everything you ask for what makes you think I don't love you?" I am so sick of this. If I don't feel like being touched he thinks it's because I don't love him. I asked him about a month ago what can I do to make him happier he said more attention. But when I started giving him more attention he said I was being clingy and that was a turnnoff. What the hell?
4-07-09 10:10pm
R. is being such an asshole! He actually told me I was a horder because I wanted to save my last 5 pain pills for tomarrow. Thats ALL I have! I gave him 10 of my 20 pills. I am the one in actual pain. I don't know how much longer I can take this ****. He is starting to wear me thin. He wants everything and more.
April 8, 2009
I don't know why R. is being such an asshole. Probably becuse i don't have anymore pills to give
him. Oh well. He won't let me have a dog.He acts more like my dad than my husband. He tells me what to do what I can and can't have. And he reads my diary. I had to dispose of my last two diaries because he read them. He says it's because i cheated on him and he HAD to read them to see what I was up to. I already told him I cheated amd gave him details of it because he asked. But he read them anyway. I have no privacy here. I am treated like a teenager. I am looking over my shoulder even as I type this. I know if he reads it then he will get mad because of the way I feel about some of the things he does. When he read my last diary, he said you hate me you really hate me. Just because I wrote that he had a bad attitude and stuff was gonna have to change. I really cannot take much more of this.
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Just so people don't get judgemental, the reason I sometimes take his pain meds is because I have a neck injury and alot of days I can't even move my head from side to side. I don't just take them to get high. R. don't either most of the time. Just wanted to clarify that.

[Umm_kelly]

I can't offer any real advice. That would be better left to the people in this forum who know something about marrige... but I'm sorry that you have to go through this.

[marjan]

Sweet heart, are you taking drugs? that's not good at all....why don't you try to quite? I know it's easy to say that, but it's possible. You can get professional help....best luck to you....
and if he's on drugs, he can't understand you at all....all he needs is the medication....the pills are his girlfriend.....why don't you make yourself free from the drugs and then help him out too?
take care

[Capp]

Very tough situation, thunderbear...

Jmo, but it sounds like you and your husband have many things that need addressed and taken care of...
Obviously I don't know the details of your situation, but the drug abuse jumps out at me. If his pain meds are not lasting as long as they should, perhaps he needs to see his doc and get something else...
I don't understand why you felt you had to share yours with him. Your pain needs to be taken care of, and you have the right to use them for it.
With your neck still hurting you, maybe your doc could also prescribe something different for it.

Maybe the two of you could talk with your doc(s) and see what help you can get straightening this out.

My best wishes for this to get better,
Cap