friend is distant

My best friend lives many miles from me. Several years ago our relationship was stronger. We talked just about every evening sometimes for hours at a time. Over the past year or two this has faded. There are many weeks between our e-mails, and I don't think we have talked on the phone since last fall.

I do not believe this is anything personal. My friend struggles with bipolar disorder and some other things. She sees a therapist and medical doctor but hasn't been able to find the best treatment. I deal with mental illness too but have been doing very well. I've been on consistant medication and very stable.

I miss our friendship. I've told my friend many times I am here for her, so it would be surprising if she doesn't know it. The distant does make things difficult. I can't just stop by to say hello. I'm concerned about my friend and want to do whatever I can to help her.

I don't want to be a pest but want her to know she can come to me with anything. It's frustrating because I truly believe this has nothing to do with me or her not wanting to continue our friendship. I believe she is struggling with her illness. I've known her to sort of become a hermit before but there was a time when we talked about anything and everything when she couldn't talk to anyone else.

Not sure what the right thing to do is. Continue reaching out to her or just sit back and hope one day we can continue our friendship?

It's so great that you feel this deeply for your friend....however, you might have to let it go....unfortunatly, distance is a key to fade some relationships.....I had very good friend from high school....but we were apart for ten years....we were in touch through email, chat and talking on the phone....or when I was visiting my home land which was just twice in past ten years....anyway, she moved here and I found it so difficult to communicate with her....we were changed....we were totally changed...it was unbelievable....I couldn't understand her and she couldn't understand me either....so, sometimes we got to accept the fact that we can grow apart....
besides, if your friend is really in need, she can get in touch with you.....
or just ask her!
take care
Marjan

Well, ya, there's nothing much you could do if one side do not put effort in keeping a friendship. I had few of those experiences. Either my friends moved away or I did. I tried on my part to write and eventually just gave up totally.

It's important not to take it personally though. I had a friend whom I stopped contacting because she did not reply me. Then after 10 years, I moved and I wrote her a postcard out of the blue, not expecting much. To my surprise, she replied and we are in touch again and seen each other few times, though we are in different countries, but closer. However that did not mean more frequent contact neither, she is just not that kind. So I just let it be.

Another friend of mine, who was very close, we used to dine and open our hearts to each other and chat till midnight. Now that I moved, she doesn't bother to keep in touch despite me writing and called her few times. Now I totally gave up.

At first it was depressing and I even get kind of upset. Now I leave it all behind. I find new friends and involve in many new things to do and life is so full and meaningful.

No, I don't think you are view as a pest if you drop her a postcard or mail every now and then. She'll reach out if she is ready for it.

My best friend also lives extremely far away from me. Probably at least a nine hour drive. I only communicate with him through email. I've known him for 5 years now, and there have been lots of ups and downs in our communication. Sometimes we would go for months without talking, but in the end would find each other as the most understanding and helpful people we both know... What I'm getting at is that just because she isn't communicating right now doesn't mean that she won't ever do it again. The friend that I have is someone I used to talk to every single day for hours, and we would stay up late just talking about anything and everything. Now we both just don't have the time.

What I've done in the past when it's been a long time since I've heard from him is send an email asking him what's up in his life lately, and if everything's ok, and asking him to email me back whenever he gets the chance. I don't think that it would hurt to continue to email her with big updates in your life, so she knows what's going on with you, and maybe she'll feel more like she can open up to you if you open up to her first.

I don't know if that helped or not... but I didn't want you to feel like you had to give up on this friend of yours. I don't think you should give up at all.

I really can't add anything to the experiences and advice others here have shared with you. I think what they said is right on. I'm sorry you miss your friend though . I know how much that can hurt.

But you have done all you can do. Let her have her space but every once in awhile send an email or phone to just let her know you care and are thinking of her. If she does not respond, it's not your fault and keep doing what you are doing, not taking it personally.

Thank you to all for your support and for sharing your experiences. I appreciate it very much.

I've been thinking about my situation and feel the best thing to do is leave the ball in her court. My question is this. Do you think I should communicate that to her somehow? Or just let it be? I'm not giving up on the friendship but my friend just isn't reciprocating much right now for whatever reason. I hope to continue the friendship one day but I'm not going to drive myself crazy wondering when or if that will happen.

What's the best action to take? Or is no action the right choice?

I don't think it really matters. You are ready to be open to friendship again should that circumstance present itself. Whether you want to communicate that to her again or not .... do what makes you feel most comfortable.

Since your friend has some mental illness issues I think your support and keeping in touch may mean more to her then you know and more then she can reciprocate. I would maintain contact, you may have to be the one to pursue this. It would not hurt to send the occassional email asking how she is and let her know you are thinking about her and care.
Besides that friendship, like any relationship takes two. But if you really care about her you may have to be the bigger person here and accept you may not hear much if any back from her.
It is hard to determine/understand what another is going through, especially so far away.
Be supportive as much as you can. She will return to you when she is able, all good friends do.