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#1
Apr 13, 2009, 01:29 PM
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From the time I was a teenager I remember not really having the best of luck with the opposite sex. I was skinny and had long hair. Up to about 14-15 years of age I decided to tell myself, "Girls are just not interested in me". From then on I made it a point to withdraw myself from them, seeing as I had it in my mind that I was going to get rejected anyway.
Now, I'm an adult and in my 30's and the mere statement that I started telling myself as a teenager seemed to have manifested itself into something bigger. I made it a point to keep myself from getting hurt so much that I've completely shut myself off from the opposite sex. I recently started to notice that not only do I Withdraw myself from woman but have a hard time opening up to them. I feel worried, panicky, and anxious when I start to develop feelings for someone. Now that I've recognized the self sabotage that I've created, what steps do I need to take to turn it around and start opening myself up and start building healthy relationships? Can anyone offer some sound advice for me? |
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#2
Apr 17, 2009, 08:26 AM
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Believe it or not, a lot of people start off with those feelings when liking someone, you can't just give up, you persue them anyway. The only way I can think of that you can overcome such a thing is ride that feeling when you fall for someone and see where it takes you, if things don't turn out that's okay, just start from scratch. You can do it, you just have to keep trying!
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~Brittany 
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#3
Apr 17, 2009, 09:22 AM
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Maybe a little therapy would be in order since this seems to be such a long standing problem and is feeling even worse to you now. In therapy not only can you talk about your feelings concerning woman and get feedback, you might even do some role playing to help in situations where you are feeling panic.
Many of us do feel discomfort when looking for and trying to start a relationship, so some of your feelings are perfectly normal. The fear of rejection is strong and we are going to be rejected, perhaps several times when looking for someone to share an intimate relationship with. You will also probably do some rejecting yourself. That's all normal. Don't let rejection paralyze you. Like I said, I would try a few sessions with a counselor, you might be surprised how helpful you find it. 
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 I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free. But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings." 
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#4
Apr 17, 2009, 10:46 AM
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Hi William,
I think you're suffering from low self esteem. Are you a shy person? The reason I ask, is I was very shy when I was younger and it held me back alot. You have to learn to not listen to the critical voice inside your head, because he is your enemy. As the saying goes "it is far better to try and fail than to not try at all". There is a match out there for everyone. The reason why it's bothering you now is because you're getting to an age where you're questioning the path you've chosen and you see others with partners and families. Would you like to have children one day - they're awesome. Shyness, social anxiety and self esteem are all managable issues. You don't want to look back and regret not taking the plunge. Don't worry about rejection - sometimes girls reject guys because they're struggling with their own issues. I also think you trying to protect yourself from heartache, but you know we've all been there -sure it hurts for a while. We just get back up, try again and learn from our mistakes. Believe in yourself. Good luck. 
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 This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#5
Apr 17, 2009, 12:31 PM
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I feel exactly the same and have been rejected constantly and numerously no matter what I try or do. At times I feel there may be some hope just to be cut back down to zero. I've been used by women for their stupid little games and mind crap, every one I have met is shallow and I am totally pissed off with them. I'm sorry but that is how it is. You find me a woman who likes me for who or what I am and I will show you a flying pig! I don't care anymore.
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#6
Apr 22, 2009, 10:20 AM
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Quote:
Hi Lynn, I think I may suffer from some low self esteem and a bit shy. WOW!! What a combination. I aslo have built this wall from woman so I don't get hurt from them. All of this is getting in my way and has created barriers from others who want to see the real me. I do want to find someone special to spend the rest of my life with, SO MUCH!! You have no idea. Your judge of character without even knowing me was pretty good Lynn, Kudos! |
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#7
Apr 22, 2009, 10:43 AM
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Hi William!
I have problems with trust too. When our trust is betrayed repeatedly, we start to think carefully about our choice of associations, yet to withdraw from people entirely so as to avoid the risk of being let down is not the solution because being mistrustful of others robs us of our own happiness. It'll take time for you to trust people again but you must be patient, since trust is earned over a period of time. The wise course is to extend your trust to someone gradually, step-by-step. What I do is, I observe a person’s conduct over a period of time, noting how he/she acts in certain situations. If that person is trustworthy in small matters, then we may feel that we can safely extend our trust to him/her in more serious matters. Not trusting anyone or anything can be very dangerous because it can destroy what othewise might be happy, close relationships. It can make you a very unhappy and friendless person, don't let that happen to you. Take care. |
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#8
Apr 22, 2009, 01:51 PM
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[quote=william1971;995934]
Dude.. your going to have to take that plunge!! ok that "girls are the devil" thingy... was when you were a teenager... your a big boy now... STOP IT!!  There are tons of nice girls... women! out there that I'm sure would love to ease your anxiety quickly. Here's some hints... try a dating service... or even just try talking to women in chat rooms... just to build some confidence up. Let us all know how it goes... BTW I'm a woman... and i saw nothing "weird" about you... so chill... its all your imagination. |
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#9
Apr 22, 2009, 07:43 PM
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Your totally right VLO1980! I noticed that its been getting in the way of me experiencing healthy relationships and close connections. That's some good advice VLO1980, I'll take it into consideration. Thanks! |
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#10
Apr 24, 2009, 08:25 PM
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Oh Toller, this is so incredibly sad. Do you give as much as you expect to receive? Are you picking the wrong women? Our society is based so much on looks and shallowness, its just sad as good men and women get left by the wayside while shallow and pretty people get chosen. Hang in there, someday someone will appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer, when that time comes, give it your all.
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