How do I change?

I've recently decided for the last time to let go of a toxic friendship that I've had for the last two years. This is a guy who I felt I could trust with my own life but now I must let the toxic friendship go. I've told him to get out of my life two other times before and I always run back to him because I'm too weak to stand on my own. He was always there for me, knew me inside and out and well he was my crutch in life. He's betrayed me in the worst way that any man can do to a woman but even that I find myself hard to kick him out of my life. I still can't trust him and believe that he's sorry for what he did to me. I always had him being that reassurance in my life that I'm on the right path and he was that person in my life that would tell me things that I felt I wasn't worthy enough to tell myself. I think its pretty obvious that I have very low self-esteem by now. Well I'm at a point in my life after horrible relationships after another that I need to change life, the relationship that i have with myself and to do I also need to push this friend of mine out of my life. I've tried doing it before but every time I have a crisis in my life I run back to him because I feel I'm too weak to walk through life alone. My question is how do I stand alone and not run back to the dysfunctional friendship that I've had with this guy? How do I stand by my own words that I wont go back to this guy? I haven't been happy for the past few years and I'm certainly not happy with who I've become so far and I'm sick of it. I want to change and I know to do that he can never be a part of my life.

sweet heart....this kind of relationships are happening to lots people....sometimes, you can't avoid it....and the best thing is go for it and get disgusted then you can leave....I know this sounds crazy....but it works...at least it works for me....
I'm getting attached with wrong guys sometimes and then back and fort they come to my life....well...it's not happy scenario knowing that he's not right for me....then I watch the guy and I realize how bad he is and then I can move on....but of course, I pay the price which is my precious time and life!!!!
The other thing you can do is finding a faith and spritual path....that can help you a big time...and pray for good things happen to your life....also, you can make yourself supper busy and try to make lots of new friends, then you don't have time to get back to this guy....
good luck to you

I know this is hard to do, but I would always think about the bad things never the good things with this guy. I had a friend we were friends for 11 years. She was an alcoholic. The kind that got jealous over her boyfriends and things like that. Well she would always get drunk and accuse me of sleeping with her boyfriends. Well one morning she called my husband she was of course drunk and told him that I was sleeping with her boyfriend. That was the last of it. That's all I will allow myself to remember of her. She was very toxic in a bad way. It's been two years since I've seen her. At first it was hard, she was litterally like family to my whole family, but after awile you get used to not having that person in your life. You will actually feel better.