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#1
Apr 19, 2009, 02:14 PM
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I seem to anxious about this person
she was caretaker for mother and father- and she complained once about my mom She always starred at me and hugs me and calls me honey, or sweetie mom said she is gay- that does not matter to me but I don't want to go with her for coffee What is wrong? |
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#2
Apr 19, 2009, 02:43 PM
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__________________
Dx: PTSD, Panic Disorder, Obsessive Personality Disorder. A Do Da Quantkeeah A-da-nv-do |
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#3
Apr 19, 2009, 02:50 PM
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Nothing is really wrong. People have different ways of showing affection. Some people are really open about it, and are just the kind of person who likes to be close and friendly with everyone. This can be misinterpreted as flirting, and it can make people with bigger personal bubbles feel uncomfortable. I know I'm the kind of person where it's just part of my personality to be really friendly with other people. Next time she asks, you could say something like "Nothing personal but I don't really know you well enough." or just be honest and tell her that she's invading your personal bubble. (At least that's what I'd do, and I'm sure people have said to me now and again)
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#4
Apr 19, 2009, 04:35 PM
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Bottom line is you feel uncomfortable enough that you don't want to go have coffee with her. That's okay!
 There is nothing wrong with your feeling that way. Respect your feelings and just make excuses for the "let's have coffee" suggestions. If you do it enough, cancel at the last minute, have something come up, if she's real insistent. She will eventually get the idea. If she confronts you outright about it, tell the truth. You don't want to hurt her feelings, you feel a little "silly" but you just don't feel comfortable having any relationship with her other than what you already have. You want to stick to that. Tell her it's got nothing to do with her, it's you and you are still trying to figure it out. But until you do and can feel comfortable with her, you don't want coffee or anything else with her.As for the honey and sweetie, it may be a hard habit to break for her but you should gently and as kindly as possible let her know that it make you feel uncomfortable when people don't address you by other than your name. And perhaps you can make a game of it, once you tell her how you feel about the honey stuff. When ever she slips and calls you honey or sweetie you can jump right in and call her something outrageously gooey or sweet, like "sure sugar gummie bear", or "okay cinnanmon honey bun" or "right cotton candy." I'm not particularly creative, but I'm sure you get the idea, try to give it back to her but in a funny, friendly way that still reminds her that you don't like being called honey or sweetie.
__________________
 I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free. But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings." 
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#5
Apr 20, 2009, 01:31 PM
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Thanks for the advice- she was coming on strong with two calls
but I cancelled and left vm that said I call if I can go again I have an old hairdress calling me and I left her because I would be there 6 hours for hairdo. I don't call back- I go to a different hairdresser I don't understand why she is calling- she says she is concerned on vm |
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#6
Apr 20, 2009, 02:52 PM
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I think you can even tell this person that it's bothering you that she calls you "honey"....and you don't have any obligations to go out with her! |
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#7
Apr 20, 2009, 03:02 PM
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Hey guys, God i thought it was just me My girl-friends all say "Hunni" "Hun" "Honey" "Chick" "Chicky" "Babe". I do not mind these as i think its really nice and sweet that they call me that. Its not only me but everyone they meet they say these too. I find "Chick" and "Chicky" annoying though. My 2 best mates call me Sweetheart which is so cute Hugging i feel really uncomfortable doing. All my mates do it. Its really hard to say "no its ok" so i just grin and bear it. They seem to hu all the time. Its ok sometimes but other times i feel really embarrassed. People are generally lovely people and that shows in what they do vis hugs and nick names etc. I have to admit i do love the names though bar the 2 i stated above. My mates are all VERY atractive and very friendly and i think they are all just making everyone feel part of the group. Maybe if i was EXTREMELY uncomfortable i would be quite upset about it all. But i guess i am ok with this bar the odd things heehee!!!! |
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#8
Apr 21, 2009, 05:59 AM
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I have a lot of close, long time friends, and we do not call each other or other people, sweetie, honey, baby, whatever. I don't like it, and also think it sounds fake and silly. I worked in a grocery at the checkout, and we had a girl who did this. People would really get upset at her, and some told her off. I save those things for my grandkids when they are little. Let's be adults!! I always think that this kind of talk works well for women who want to attract men.
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#9
Apr 21, 2009, 09:31 AM
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#10
Apr 21, 2009, 09:52 AM
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I think a lot of what one calls others is what you were raised with or picked up in one's social groups, liked, etc. I don't take being called any particular thing personally, to me it's more about the person using the name rather than me.
I agree though, if you're uncomfortable with someone, don't spend time with them or feel guilty. It's sometimes hard to believe :-) but other people enjoy/want to get to know us even though we aren't interested in them, just like we're sometimes interested in people who aren't interested in us. I think sometimes we're so use to "putting up with" friends and relatives from our childhoods that we didn't have much say about being around that we still feel "stuck" when we get to adulthood and can choose who our friends and people we want to be with are.
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#11
Apr 21, 2009, 10:10 AM
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There's nothing wrong with how you feel. You have every right to feel uncomfortable. Regardless if this caretaker is interested in you or not. If you feel she's crossed the line with you then you have the right to either put the distance between you guys or if it continues regardless what you do then you can have a respectful conversation with her and tell her how you feel. You dont have to address her homosexuality but instead tell her when she hugs and call you honey it makes you feel uncomfortable. If she doesn't understand then she has a problem and is disrespectful.
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#12
Apr 22, 2009, 09:29 AM
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My aunt will see in me in a mall and eome over and start rubbing my
back- saying hi pal, you will be okay pal. i love you soooo much- happened several times-she takes hubby with her he drinks too much and he is flirty and drunk This is part of my detachment since parents died |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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