How to deal with this type of person

My boyfriend and I have been officially dating about 3 months and were talking/hanging out for a little bit before we started dating. Well, of course, like all rose-colored sunglass type couples we spend like every second together (exaggerating of course).

well anyways, his roommate has been his best friend for several years now. And dave (my bf) has gone to him and apologized that he's at my house a lot and that we go out a lot but he still wants to hang out with him and not burn any bridges or piss off the people that have been there for him and his friend's response was that he was fine with it and understood that, when you have a girlfriend, that's what happens typically.

So dave has been spending more time at home trying to make time for his roommate and I always say "stay home and hang out for a while before you come over" because I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend.

Well the other day I saw his roommate at school and he called me a "friend stealer" then started telling me how dave is "so far up my ***" and that I "love every minute of it". Made me feel kind of bad because I make it a point to not be the controlling girlfriend that requires my boyfriend to be around me every second.

So I asked dave if he thought I was being too controlling and asking him to come over too much or any of that and he said that his roommate will say things just to see how riled up he can get you. Then I started thinking and, one other time his roommate says "oh I saw you wrote on Rachel's wall" (facebook....because we're 13 apparently) and dave said "yeah, I wanted to thank her for giving me her towel because I lost mine" (they give out towels at the basketball games here and his fell under the bleachers). and his roommate's response was "mmm hmmm" with this look that said "oh I'm so sure that's why you wrote that" and apparently he was just doing that to put thoughts in my head like dave was interested in Rachel.

I just don't get it. Relationships are hard enough and require enough patience and work. And, not to mention, I'm already crazy enough as it is. Why does he have to consistently say things to make me think that something is up? I try not to let my mind wander and think things but sometimes you just can't help it. And I don't know why he's doing this on purpose but then saying "it's cool. i understand you want to be around her a lot".

And then, to top it off, him and his girlfriend are on and off every other week and, whenever they're on, he's nowhere to be found. Dave will stay home to specifically hang out with him and he'll be at his girlfriend's house. How am I supposed to deal with him being so f-ing difficult? And they just resigned their lease so they'll be living together for at least another year. And I hate seeing Dave tore up about something his roommate said or did and feeling bad for not being around when he does the same exact thing!

Aren't friends supposed to be supportive.....not make backhanded comments and purposely try to put suspicious thoughts in your girlfriend's head?

This issues lies with the roommate and you should have to pay so much attention to it because thats exactly what he wants. You've done what you can by talking to Dave and tell him how uncomfortable you feel. Dave need to have that man to man talk with his roommate and let him know that he needs to be more respectful. Yes his roommate will be around for another year but you need to try to focus more on you and Dave. Don't allow this guy to tear you guys apart by worrying so much about it. You can't control what others do and think. Let it go because you don't want to give your power away to someone why has a problem and wants others to suffer with him. You can respectfull let this guy know that you feel disrespected but try to stay calm because guy want a wild confontation with you or just with anyway he problem thrives off of it. Stay strong and remember to stay focus on yourself and this great bf that you have. You have alot going for yourself so dont allow a guy like that to bring you down. You're worth more than that. Good luck!!

Hey saluki ,, how goes it ?

I read this a couple days back ,,,, and My opinion will be the same now as it would have been then ;

saluki ,,,, Don't waste your time wondering what this * room mate * of your bf has to say ,, or implies .

And if ya feel the need to express some WTF ,[?] , ,,,,,,,, mention these slights room mate gives ya to your bf ,, with a chuckle behind it .
Then see what happens in the near future ,, You will be able to guage what your bf is saying to his room mate >>>>> by the change [ or no change ] in room mates attitude towards you .

If room mate don't seem to change , or get a grip , ? ,,,,, I would start looking at bf with a mmmmmmmmmmm?????? eye .

IMO.
WMD.

yeah, dave doesn't even really hang out at his house anymore because his roommate is "a douche bag" lol. so he just hangs out at my house now. even when i'm not there hell ask if he can study at my house because he just doesn't like to be around luke (his roommate) anymore. so i don't think they really talk that much anymore.

and i guess he did something else to piss dave off - luke was looking for a job elsewhere, but theyre both on the lease so its luke's responsibility to either find a sublease or pay his half of rent even if he's not living there. well when dave brought that up luke said no way, he wasn't going to pay or find a subleaser. now, dave graduates in december with his m.s. and is going to start looking for jobs and luke brought up "well youre still gonna pay your half of the rent if you don't find someone to move in right?" when just 4 months ago he was going to up and leave and not pay his half OR find someone else to move in.

so we're both just kind of getting fed up with him. everything is a double standard - its okay when he does it but if you do it then he gets mad at you. and i guess dave has said something to him before about how he says things without any follow through (he also makes plans then dips out on you) and luke even said that 90% of what comes out of his mouth is b.s.

I just don't understand why people have to make it their goal to make others angry? that seems a little sadistic to me...I understand its all a power thing. he thinks he has power over me if he has the ability to affect my mood or my thoughts so i try to just ignore him now.

Hi Salukigirl

You are so right. Some people are just plain mean, nasty, manipulative and like to power trip. The roommate sounds like one of these types of people. Good for you and your boyfriend for not getting caught up in his drama and need to spread discord.

I'm sure, like many tell me, that people like this act the way they do because the feel so badly about themselves, or feel bad deep inside. Well, after dealing with many such types of people I say "I'm sorry for you/them", but please just leave me alone. And I try to stay away from them as much as possible. They spread unhappiness around them like that Peanuts character who walks around in a swirl of dust.

Good luck to you and your boyfriend, you both sound like good people.

thanks for everyone's responses. he just made me so mad the other day calling me a "friend stealer" when I even pick up extra shifts at work so that they can hang out more without me around. oh well. i guess all that matters is that we're happy together. seems like all of a sudden lots of people turn into that kind of person even when they werent before. i think he's probably unhappy that his girlfriend treats him like crap and i don't treat dave that way. several of my friends started talking about me behind my back when we got together and started being mean to me, or just ignoring me completely. oh well. i guess that makes them not true friends anyways.

thanks again everyone.