[reina29]

So here's the story: My DH is a very loving, supportive husband and wonderfully communicative. EXCEPT when it comes to any mention of therapy or medication. I have been off and on meds my whole life for 13 years and off them since I met him, about two years ago. I am feeling the need for meds again and therapy, I know myself and I know the symptoms. He thinks it should be pretty easy - just think differently and reach for the happiness inside me and train myself different cognitively and voila - everything's ok. He doesn't trust therapists and he doesn't understand why I would need to talk to a therapist when I can talk to him about anything. He also thinks medication is a quick fix or a band aid and he is not a big proponent. He also thinks that I seem fine - therefore I don't need meds. (I should mention that it is depression and ADD that I am seeking the meds for.)

I am ready to just make the appointment with the dr and get my prescription filled (he is more against the meds than therapy - he might be willing to go along with the therapy if I put my foot down.) I am tired of talking about it with him and I don't even want to start another conversation. I am hoping once he sees me on the meds he might change his mind and realize that they are good but I know its going to upset him - me doing this pretty much behind his back. I love him and don't want to hurt him and don't want to be dishonest but I just don't have the energy to cope with it anymore (all the discussions and talking.) I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to be left alone, really. Sometimes I hate having a partner, having to talk about everything with them all the time. I just want to be left alone, I just want to do what I need to do for me. I know I sound like a ten year old. I'm just frustrated. So am I being completely unreasonable and a bad partner by just doing this without his support? The money is also an issue. We don't have insurance and I know the meds will be expensive. We can afford it but it means letting go of other luxuries. I am saving to go back to college and I know he'll bring that up - by spending money on therapy and medication, the harder it will be to save for college. Blah Blah. However, if I don't get help, college won't mean crap because I won't be able to focus or enjoy it. I want to scream, seriously, and its not even that big of a deal. Sorry for such a rant.

[bearchic34]

Wow....I would have a few choice words to say to that husband. Who is he to judge what YOU need. You do not need his permisson nor do you need his approval to do what is best for YOU! You sound like you know exactly what you need, DO IT. If he doesn't accept that you may need help then he is NOT the man for you, accepting someone, flaws and all, is what marriage is about. I will be honest, from what you wrote he sounds too controling and is out of line with his behavior. 2 years seems awfully quick IMO to go of your meds, fall in love, get married & then find out he's an a.s.s.
There should be some places around you to help get sliding scale meds. we have low cost clinics here, check into that too....
Good luck and please keep us informed.

[reina29]

I suppose I should say that he lets me do whatever I want, I don't think he's controlling at all. I just don't want him disappointed in me. I think me taking meds looks like I'm taking the easy way out to him and I feel more like a failure. That's the hardest part.

[eskielover]

If he truly let you do whatever you want, then you wouldn't be having this problem with getting the help & the meds you need.

If he is making you feel that you would be diappointing him by doing what you need to do to take care of yourself....that is manipulating your thinking & that is controlling.

You said "I am feeling the need for meds again and therapy, I know myself and I know the symptoms." I am sure that is true because you have been dealing with this for so many years & have been on & off meds, so you are quite aware of what you need for your own good.

I would not allow any man to manipulate my thinking to the point where I couldn't take care of myself & do what I know I need for my own health (mental or physical...there is no differenct). He is holding onto some stupid old ways of thinking "think, therefore I am" & trying to cram them into your mind & manipulate you into thinking the way he thinks (not sure how you don't see that as controlling?)......Do not let him do that to you.

There are ways of getting financial help with meds & with therapy. I know that drug companies have patient assistance especially when you don't have insurance of any kind. If you are on generic meds, then the pharmacies have really cheap programs for he meds....if you can't take the generics....sometimes Pdocs have samples they can give you until you can arrange something with the drug company & their patient assistance programs, or even some states have financial help programs.

As or college.....you wouldn't be capable of focusing on college if you aren't taking care of yourself in the first place.....so it doesn't matter if the money is there or not if you aren't able to focus & end up throwing the money away trying only to have to drop out because you aren't able to handle it without the help the medication provides.

I would make the appointment with a clinic (if money is an issue). They have sliding scale payment requirements when there is no insurance & like I said, with the meds, you might be lucky to start with samples from the pdoc unless it's generic which is cheap at the pharmacy or apply for patient assistance with the drug manufacturer.

You need to take care of yourself & if you husband doesn't agree with that, then maybe he isn't who you want to be stuck with the rest of your life....if he really loves you, he will want what is best for you & not force you to think his way only or make you feel bad about it.

This is not a the kind of base for a good marriage....it is definitely NOT LOVE.

please let us know how things go.....everyone here at PC wants what is best for you & really care,
Debbie

[Rhapsody]

My advice is for you to to ahead and make that apt to see your doctor and get a Rx if it is deemed needed.... and keep in mind what works for your husband is not a "one size fits all" matter - do what YOU NEED to be mentally healthy and not what your husband wants in this particular matter.