[tornado21]

I am lucky enough to be with a very supportive man (engaged, to be married in september) that understands and wants to help with all of my problems (OCD, General Panic, Depression, SAD). He even tells me how he thinks that taking my medications means that I am strong enough to take care of it. His father has mental issues as well, so he is comfortable talking about it and doesn't see it as anything that is a flaw, just part of who I am.

So I should have no problems, right? My issue is that I have such a hard time telling him the things that I need help with, or what I want in regards to mental health. It is often little things. I am able to tell my girlfriends everything, because I send it to them in a text message. But I can't talk about it... I'm working on it, and want to get him (he is completely willing) some literature about my OCD so he can understand what is running through my head.

Why can't I talk about this stuff aloud? I know he wants to hear it... but I feel as if it's not important, or I'm over-reacting whenever I try to voice it.

How can I get over this?

[CedarS]

I can very much relate.

I have felt vulnerable and scared when trying to tell my wonderful patient man about my mental health challenges. I felt like I was going to be attacked, that I was bad, that I was guilty, and other such painful emotions.

What works for me is that I give myself plenty of time. I take things slow and learn each step of the way. If something doesn't work I try to not beat myself up and I eventually move on, try something else.



Maybe you can find some playfullness even in all this - what if you text messaged him some of what you want? Really though, it would be fine to try that, might work well.

Writing things down in a note form would be fine too.

Time and practice helps a lot.

[Fuzzybear]

[bonaire]

I have a similar problem. I can't say what I want very easily to my wife. Why? When I was a kid, raised by my mom (just us 2) - I heard all the time "you wouldn't want to do that", "why would someone do that?" and so on. Basically - "why would you want to live like other humans??"

That turned into whenever I wanted to do something I wanted - I had to lie about doing something more "her way". I don't get the negative questions from my wife nearly as much as my mom - but I have had to work on this for a long time (with and without therapy). It's that I never felt strong enough to say "I am worth this ... and I want to do it."

I did find one helpful thing. If I sit down on a couch net to my wife (or talk on the phone) - I'll close my eyes and I am free to talk. I hold back in face to face talking but when I have my eyes closed, there is an opening up. Like my soul is free to "be me". I feel like to be a free and complete person, you and I have to be able to do that with "eyes open" and know that there won't be a negative feedback from our partner. If he is there saying he wants to help you - then he won't have trouble with the "real you" and you can convince yourself that you can be free with him.

I hurt myself quite a bit by holding back. My wife complains that "you don't talk to me enough" - there are times when I know this is true. But those tend to be the times that I need to tell her I need to do something or want to do something of my own. It goes away the moment I speak to her about that something. It can be a simple and silly as "I want to go to this concert" or "spend time with a friend - play golf, whatever". But those were things I got stuck with as a kid with mom - and they continue today.

Work with a therapist, if you can, to try to work this out. That way, you can follow a professional's steps to work on it. However, the issue with me is the therapist has been helping me for quite a long time - and yet I still have the block to some degree. I don't think the pains of youth go away - you just control them better.

[ktbug]

I too have a patient boyfriend who wants to help me. The hardest thing for me was to be able to trust him in my secrets and open up and tell him. One day we were talking about things and it was easier for me to text message him what had happened than to say face to face. (He was at work). He was the first and only person (besides the kind people here) that I told. Just by letting him know what is going on in my head and me letting my skeletons out of the closet has helped some. It was a slight weight off my shoulders and helped him understand a little bit more. I hope that some day I will be able to talk to him face to face but I think that as long as I am at least telling him something, no matter how I am doing it, it is better than the arguments of telling him nothing. Hope this helps