Desperately seeking insight - guilty of boundary violation

Hello all:
I am seeking some insight into an experience I recently had with my soon-to-be-ex-therapist (we have our final session later this week). It was actually me who was in the wrong here, but I’m having trouble empathizing with my therapist’s reaction to it. I took full responsibility for the act and have apologized (profusely) for it, but I feel the backlash from it is a little irrational in that it doesn’t comport exactly with what happened.
I came to her early this year about some social issues I was having at work. Working through those, I also took my sister’s diagnosis of me as a borderline to her and asked if there was anything there to explore. Though we had instant interpersonal chemistry, there were a few problems relating to a conflict between her view of me and the one I have of myself. For the sake of brevity on this point, I’ll just say that she saw me as this stunning, successful, hyper-intelligent (mostly due to the many foreign languages I speak) young attorney who radiated style and confidence; I see myself as a pretty, multi-lingual young attorney who has yet to live up to her potential and can be completely flattened by even the slightest of insults. I’m an unsuccessful perfectionist and, since I somehow believe the love and (positive) attention I receive from others is 100% conditional on my being perfect, I’m extremely sensitive to my own mistakes (both real and perceived) and totally freaking panic if one has been exposed to someone I care about. Point being: I act weird sometimes.
Generally, I feel safe with therapists in terms of admitting fault or character flaws because self-improvement and insight is why I show up in the first place. It is that complete candor that has fostered a good relationship with therapists in the past. The reason this relationship hasn’t worked out as well is two-fold, I believe: first, I developed a serious crush on this woman early on; second, I seem to affect her ego in a strange, exaggerated way that has led to energy-draining efforts to reassure her in terms of how I view her intelligence and competence. I even expressed to her several weeks ago that I feel as if I represent someone who had belittled her in the past. Since I was very open about my feelings for her, her cold and angry reactions to perceived criticism from me has been extremely confusing. Most of our conflicts, however, have been resolvable. It wasn’t until two weeks ago or so that I felt I wouldn’t get past one until she really owned up to a wrong I felt she committed. I had been confused about a new direction she seemed to take at our most recent session – one that involved criticizing my viewpoints in terms of whether or not I would reject someone who disagreed with them – and after spending hours trying to resolve it myself, I finally phoned her about the issue because the previous two days had already been hell and I figured this was the one thing I might be able to resolve and get past. Her initial response to my question was to accuse me of “emotionally pulling [her] into something” (because, she said later, she felt all these emotions going out to me), then she accused me of being catatonic and threatened to call the “crisis center” and, when she finally understood that there was a legitimate problem, she groaned and said, “Ugggghh, all these misunderstandings.” I had to beg her to change her angry tone of voice before we hung up. It was awful.
I addressed the phone call several times during the sessions that followed, but felt she wasn’t really respecting my feelings about it because she would acknowledge where she was completely wrong about the things she said or the way she reacted, but not apologizing in any way for it.
My way of dealing with this, unfortunately, was to do something that didn’t respect her feelings (since I thought it would somehow return the status quo). So after one of our most recent sessions when I thought she looked particularly beautiful, I threw my arms around her and kissed whatever was in front of my lips (i.e., her cheek). When I pulled back, she beamed and said, “You’re so sweet!” After I admitted my motivation/justification for it, her reaction became something very different. The next session with her felt less like therapy and more like an episode of “To Catch a Predator.” I was so stunned (and, yes, humiliated) that I left in tears mid-session and haven’t seen her since. I felt so angry and embarrassed that I terminated therapy with her via email. Days later, of course, I saw that as rash and something that would only leave a lasting, painful memory, I retracted it. She fired back with her own termination of therapy and even gave as a reason the “fact that [I had] made minimal progress in terms of working through [my] issues” (patently false). She added:
“ I also feel a need to take care of myself as a clinician in order to maintain my emotional health to serve other clients. The uncomfortable feelings that arose in me after [the event last Tuesday] would likely continue if I were to resume therapy with you. Breaking that type of boundary is a very serious issue for me, and I am currently unable to regain a sense of trust in order to work with you again. I have also put a great deal of time into processing the effects of the event on me as a clinician and on my work with other clients."
She has since decided to grant me a final session for closure and I don’t want to go into it with the anger, confusion and profound sadness I currently feel. I was hoping someone here might be able to fill in the gaps as to why she has reacted the way she has because I honestly hate losing her and think it would benefit me greatly to work through this because it does seem to be a pattern I have in dealing with the strong emotions certain people in my life evoke. (They all jump ship at about this time, incidentally.) I feel she’s reacting as if this were some sort of pattern of behavior or general wrongdoing. I also don’t really buy that I make her feel unsafe (allegedly, to the point of propping her lobby door open and telling me she’d feel safer if I punched her in the face because a punch isn’t “intimate” whereas an attempted kiss is).
Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!

Hi Mango,

I just read through your post twice and what struck me was that you've blamed yourself for reactions that your therapist had. In my opinion (and I think ethically as well) a therapist should, as hard as it may be, try to step away from her own insecurities and analyze your own feelings. You are accused of "emotionally pulling [her] into something", but that is something that a therapist is normally trained to deal with.

I'm very sorry that you've had to deal with all this - it does seem like a confusing situation to go through. If I had more answers for you right now I'd certainly give them to you to make you feel better. I hope that your T will resolve some of her emotions before your session because it sounds like she might be having some triggers of her own. In the end, she is only human.

Best of luck!
+Jeff

I agree with Jeff.

The therapist sounds inept.

Also, poorly supervised.

Terminating a client by email? Blaming a client for alleged lack of progress? Oversharing about how much effort she has to spend processing the effects of the client on her? This is not professional behavior.

I know how painful this must be, but -- try not to blame yourself, and try not to overthink this.

Are you still interested in continuing with therapy? (Not with her.) Do you feel that you do have borderline traits? If yes, then look for a therapist with lots of training and experience in that area. For things like bpd, mediocre therapists can cause a great deal of harm. A good therapist can really help, though. (I speak from personal experience on this.)

-Far

Everything has three sides...1) your side 2) their side and 3) the truth so I can see where you'd be hurt but you set the T up.! What did you expect her to do?? Give you the academy award ?
As for the highlighted part above..."if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck"... and the purple highlight...What?? Something isn't right here.

Honestly, this whole thread triggers the hell out of me... so I'm out.
C

Mango, if you violate a boundary that intensely, people are going to react with equal intensity. In a sense, you did punch her in the face but, as she says, there aren't as many nuances to a punch as there are to a kiss.

What struck me (pardon the pun) about your post was its intensity and ups and downs. Calista has said she was triggered just from reading it. I don't think you see just how intensely you affect others and that others do not live their lives with that same intensity; I know it's common for me to wonder why others are making much of what I say or do when it just seems "natural" for me -- if I can do it, anyone should be able to; what's the big deal?

A lot of your post seemed to be about what your therapist was thinking, feeling, how she was reacting, etc. Therapy is about us and talking about how we respond to what is going on in us, not really about how our therapist is thinking, feeling, responding. Most adults don't suddenly and spontaneously kiss strangers/therapists because they look "particularly beautiful". Reading that or participating in it, a "humorous" response might be, "Are you on drugs?"

A lot would have been different if you had said, "I feel you look particularly beautiful today!" You could have discussed what was different about how your therapist looked to you at that moment versus "usual" or what had happened in your life that day that had you having a more sunny outlook, etc. It would have remained about you and not "involved" another person.

That your therapist was surprised and pulled out of therapist role by your action and revealed more that was personal about herself (startle response); I can understand her not being able to trust you not to startle her again and/or not to be able to trust herself to not be startled! Your therapy is not supposed to be about her and if she cannot maintain that "frame" for you and herself, then she cannot work with you.

Admitting mistakes/wrongness is not related to apologies. If you are doing a math problem and do it wrong, do you apologize for it? No! Why? Because you are learning. That she tried a therapeutic or other response with you and it did not work, was "wrong" or a mistake, she has admitted that but she probably has learned something. Admitting to a mistake (which generally only means she won't try that response in that situation with that person again in the near future) does not require an apology. What you felt from her actions, is yours and you are responsible for dealing with that in your life, not her. When you are "hurt" by something, it is because of how your life is, what your background and experiences have been and how you think and perceive things; no one else can get "into" you and affect that! Your therapist did not cross any boundaries, you did. You are the only one who needs to apologize; not for a mistake, but for boundary crossing. Presumably you are learning from the mistake and won't spontaneously kiss any more therapists? That's a good thing to learn.

While it is true that not all therapists can work with all clients, NO COMPETENT THERAPIST WOULD TERMINATE A DISTRESSED CLIENT WITH AN EMAIL!!! Obviously, a therapist should not work with a client they feel they can't help. On the other hand, in such a case, a therapist ought to find the client a therapist who can help. And furthermore, the therapist should try to handle the move in a way that does not distress the client more. That means you don't present it in a way of "I can't trust you and I can't work with you."

(The 'I can't trust' is the therapist's issue, and the client doesn't need to be aware of that -- it's not something that will be worked through, since the client will be moving on. So why bring it up?)

The termination and referral should probably be presented along the lines of "here's a really good person who can help you more than I can."

Of course we as clients are going to trigger things in our therapists. Cause all kinds of uncomfortable countertransference issues for them. Some clients do that more than others. BUT the point is, the therapist is supposed to be trained to deal with those feelings. They're not supposed to be thrown by them, or to reject the client because of them. That's the whole point of therapy -- it's supposed to be a safe place to feel what you feel. And TO LEARN how to appropriately understand and manage your feelings.

A decent therapist doesn't terminate a client for inappropriately managing feelings -- that's what the client is there to learn.

Also, I disagree that a kiss is more threatening than a punch. A punch hurts, and can cause damage. That might be cause for termination. A kiss isn't. (Especially when the therapist at first welcomed it!!!) (And apparently only felt violated when Mango said, in words, something about the ambivalence behind the kiss!!)(A therapist certainly ought to be cognizant of love and anger that are masked by each other and overlay each other -- that happens all the time in therapy. A therapist certainly ought not to take things like that personally.)

OK, now I'm triggered. Partly because my own T is away? And I miss miss miss her?

Mango, you didn't mention a referral. Did you get one? How are you doing?

-Far

I strongly agree with Far's perspective on this one and am compelled to support it.

Mango - I understand how you would feel angry and confused by your T. You would expect a therapist's office to be the one place that you can confide all your deepest feelings without any emotional ramifications on the other end. That's why T can be more useful than confiding in a friend or family member. (Think of punching your punching bag rather than your best friend when you are angry.)

She *is* entitled to end sessions with you if she feels like she can no longer treat you or her other patients objectively and its evident that she isn't - at least not with you at the moment. An objective therapist would not be involving her own emotions by threatening you or making you out to be untrustworthy. I think terminating (and offering a session for closure) is the most objective thing she's done recently.

If the motivations behind the kiss caused your T distress - I would say that is not your fault! It's true what Perna says about therapy not being about the therapist's feelings. But its the T's responsibility to keep it that way. It's of course not *her* fault that she was kissed either. It's possible that she just might not be right for dealing with this. All the same, I wouldn't be surprised if what happened in therapy for you is related to what you're going through in other areas of your life and deserves some exploration - if not with your current T, than with someone else.

I wish you the very best,
+Jeff

Mango wrote: She has since decided to grant me a final session for closure and I don’t want to go into it with the anger, confusion and profound sadness I currently feel. I was hoping someone here might be able to fill in the gaps as to why she has reacted the way she has because I honestly hate losing her and think it would benefit me greatly to work through this because it does seem to be a pattern I have in dealing with the strong emotions certain people in my life evoke.

Hi Mango
Welcome to the forum. As you have likely read, and felt, it's painful to love your T and painful to lose your T. I hope you have other supports to help you through this pain.
why she has reacted the way she has??
Your T is terminating you because you kissed her. Your action. Your post title: Guilty of boundary violation. It's true.
It might have been clearer to you if she'd immediately slapped your face when you kissed her?
She reacted with shock! What you saw as a beaming face, perhaps there was surprise in that look too?
The kiss put your T into RED ALERT mode and there she remains.

This is her professional (and IMHO appropriate) response to your action. She's entirely entitled to protect herself from you physically if she is concerned (so would you kiss her again if you had the chance?) and because the boundary violation is disruptive to her ability to earn her livelihood - I don't want my T getting all strange in sessions with me because you kissed her. She's not just yours. She's not going to risk losing other clients if she cannot perform her duties due to working with you.

The final session is going to be hellish for you, so go in with what you are feeling and let it out. You will not be able to repair this one no matter what you do, but don't miss the chance to apologize and cry and beg for forgiveness and a really good referral.
And then find yourself another therapist - someone strong, someone skilled in handling transference.

I feel sad for both of you

I'm having so many issues with this thread I'm not sure where to begin. Very little of it has to do with what Mango did but more how this has been received.

Boundaries in a therapeutic relationship are the COMPLETE responsibility of the therapist regardless of how challenging the client is or what they present during session. I'm shocked at the lack of empathy for mango displayed by some. Lecturing doesn't help. I'm quite sure, regardless of how accomplished she is, she is beating the hell out of herself for what transpired.

Mango - I am sorry for what has transpired with your T and I so hope this acts as a springboard for future growth. I know you know what you did was a boundary violation but I hope you dig in to really learn what that was all about. You sound like such an incredible, accomplished woman. I wish you peace.

"That kiss" as it's phrased, was an assault. Pure and simple. It's the same thing as if some guy randomly came up to someone and grabbed their *****. Same thing!
Therapists are well advised to terminate if they are assulted. I don't know of any T's that would, could or should continue.
Motivation is not the issue....it's the act that's the issue.
Empathy cannot be felt for those that assault others in any way.
C

Again, I disagree. Go back and read Mango's post.

Mango described the incident:
So, initially, the T did not perceive the kiss as an assault. She acted as thought she appreciated it, and felt flattered by it. She gave Mango positive reinforcement for it.

Then Mango continues the story:
So the T did not object until Mango explained that her kiss was not all about love and admiration, but that her emotions/motivations were mixed. Apparently that was the issue that upset the T. Not the kiss per se. Not any assault. But something about Mango's explanation triggered the T in some way. Who knows how?

***(I could guess that Mango's kiss fed into the T's feelings of grandiosity, and that when the T realized this was not the case, she was humiliated and lashed out.) (But that's pure speculation.)***

I totally agree with Hope4Joy:
The T really over-reacted. She allowed the therapy to be about her, instead of about her client. I think the T is the one with lousy boundaries.

-Far

Hey Mango,
The APA code of ethics, 10.10
(b) Psychologists may terminate therapy when threatened or otherwise endangered by the client/patient or another person with whom the client/patient has a relationship.

Whether she welcomed or was horrified by the kiss, it altered the therapeutic relationship in a way that means this T can't keep doing the work. She's ultimately taking responsibility for the boundary of this relationship, based on how she was challenged in the session by the client. You could kiss the T because the T was physically small enough to be caught in your embrace.

I tried to hug my T. I purposely tried when he was off guard. He backed up, waved his arms at me and said No, no. I stopped; I could not force him, he was bigger than me. But after that, he never really trusted me again, for 10 more months of sessions. He was always on red alert for my boundary violation.
When I read "You're so sweet!" I hear a different tone - an overpolite, saccharin phrase, like "Bless her heart". Holy cow, what do I say, what do I do, this client kissed me!! Did you see that at all?

If the T is reacting with harsh words, an emotional response, then terminating is the proper action, right?
It is a very harsh outcome, absolutely.

Mango - Therapy with a therapist who you do not love, do not want to kiss, do not have a crush on - it will be easier. But the transition is going to suck, no way around it, only through.

What's up with so many people berating poor mango for the kiss? I don't get this.

As for the motivation having nothing to do with it, and it being all about the ACT - wow! Therapy is ALL ABOUT motivations behind our actions and behaviors.
If a client takes their top off in front of the therapist (has happened before many times)... if the client sits on the therapists lap (has happened before many times)... if the client kisses the therapist, hugs the therapist, screams at the therapist... gives the therapist a gift ... its all acting out, and it's all common in therapy, and therapists are trained to handle the countertransference responses within themselves and address the motivations behind these actions.

If the therapist cannot get past their counter transference, after seeking appropriate supervision, then the therapist is best to terminate the client in the light of having lost therapeutic objectivity. Or, if the therapist is physically threatened - by which, in physical danger of being harmed - then yeah, I would say immediate termination is appropriate.

But for a kiss on the cheek that was initially well recieved UNTIL the therapist discovered the motive was not as friendly as she had thought... that does not deserve termination, certainly not when it was MANGO who terminated then changed her mind first!
I'm sorry Mango, but it sounds like your therapist is simply inept, and not handling her countertransference toward you. She didn't even investigate supervision first, she simply gave you a quick reaction in response to your termination.

Don't take the blame for this upon yourself... she doesn't need to apologise to you - but then you don't need to apologise either. You are simply doing what clients in therapy DO sometimes.
Its seems the best you can both gain from this is to work it through, and try to understand what's going on for the both of you.

I'm sorry it turned out this way.

Hello everyone,
Thanks so much (to most of you) for your responses. I had my semi-final session with my therapist (she thinks she can regain the trust she lost in me). She did not perceive the kiss (on the cheek, mind you) as an assault, but I realize that it technically was ("an unwanted touching"). I'm a NY-licensed attorney, so no need to state the GD obvious (again, speaking to one person there).

My therapist was more worried about the justification I gave for it afterward. I had worried that she had been identifying me with someone else, or someone in her past, but she reassured me that the only person I reminded her of was Julia Roberts. Kinda sweet, actually.

Yes, I have many borderline traits and some of my behavior with her is an ongoing pattern. Even the temporary separation while I'm all alone here is a bit more than I can take (i.e., I'm a suicide risk). I'm far too in love with her to think past it. It's pathetic and I hate myself for it, but...c'est la ****** vie, or?

Thanks again for many of your responses.
Love,
mangohaeppchen

Well, since I'm the person who mentioned assault, I guess you're speaking to me and since you are a lawyer, you should know the law . I mentioned "assault" ONCE. I guess , what I said wasn't what you wanted to hear. Oh well... Good luck with that....

Mango,,,

It's not always easy to bear (and for some, to admit to) these complicated feelings for your therapist and it's nothing to be ashamed of. You have needs - that is a trait of real human beings - including all successful ones. Please keep busy or have company while this feeling persists - have time to sit with it and reflect, but also keep busy.

Be well,
+Jeff

I wanted to reply to your question regarding my therapist's initial reaction to my kissing her face. She said it (i.e., the "oh, you're so sweet!" response) was sincere. It wasn't until I explained why I did it and she walked back into her office (after I left) and focused on the "revenge" aspect of it. I had frequently hugged her in the past (those types of hugs where I flung my arms around her in a tight embrace) and even lightly kissed her neck once. She responded in the same positive way and only ever interpreted it as some sort of positive affirmation.

My reason for giving a justification for this particular occurence had something to do with how embarrassed I felt when I realized I was in love with her (a realization that hit me as soon as my lips hit her cheek).

I do very much appreciate her assurance that she would get past the trust issue and that she and I could resume therapy in the future. Her issue turned out to be less of a straight-up safety one and more one where she feared I wouldn't respect her professional boundaries (she cried a little while explaining this...which kind of threw me, to be honest).

In any event, none of this should take away from the fact that I really did f**k up by taking the liberties I did with it. This is also something I took full responsibility for in my discussions with her on the topic. I just hate having to experience this pain and embarrassment while being so all alone here (i.e., in a city where I know virtually no one and spend my time engulfed in pharamaceutical litigation).

Love,
mango
P.S. - "mangohaeppchen" is German for "little slice of mango" - a German pet name I was given ages ago.

Mango, thanks, this additional info helps me understand why your T's reaction seemed so different to you - the boundary of OK already included hugging, so it was the words you shared that were getting the reaction.
It also helps me understand why (perhaps after consulting with her own therapist) she's stepped back and is finding a way to rebuild trust with you. That is actually a great outcome.

Since my T boundary does not include any physical touch except a hand shake, a hug (or attempt) is a big crossing/violation. I would expect an extremely harsh reaction and possible termination if I acted as you had.

Come back and give us an update in a while.

Thanks again to all who responded to my post - even if I didn't like the response (I should've been more gracious/tactful when responding to certain posts). My therapist offered to resume therapy with me last week and I had a lovely session with her this morning. I'm ambivalent about fully resuming therapy with her, however, because I somehow sense a retaliatory undercurrent in some of her statements (I have a sixth sense for restrained jubilation) and there's likely no limit to what I will let her do to me emotionally (since I, deep down, feel I owe it to her). On the other hand, I suppose I would/should her judgment above my own..and she "recommends" I let her support me through the intense pain I feel from loving yet another person I can't have.

As far as the kiss goes, she was at least gracious enough to admit that her negative reaction did not come from the kiss itself - it came from my inept/hurtful explanation for making the move in the first place. I'm still surprised/sad she so focused on that - and took it 100% for face value - when I had been talking about wanting to kiss her for months. I desperately wish she never had to feel that hurt and discomfort, but am so relieved that she picked up on the sincerity of that regret (as well as the promise that the act would never be repeated) during what was to be the termination session and wasted little time in inviting me back. Who wouldn't love a person like that?

Bottom line: I fear her retaliation, but when I'm in the darkest of places (emotionally), she's the person I instinctively reach out to. It doesn't seem fair (though it does seem typical of a borderline) to retreat when she graciously responds. (Right?)

A kiss isn't an assault. As said above, it is the t's responsibility to direct the session. If somethinghappens untoward, the t is supposed to talk about it with the client.

NOT terminate them. It sounds to me as if she (the therapist) is struggling with her own issues, etc.

Hi Mango,

I'm on the bpd spectrum myself, and I am fairly high-functioning (most of the time.) I mention this to give myself some bpd cred, so that (I hope) you will not be offended when I say that I can recognize some bpd qualities in your posts.

I don't know you, I don't know your therapist. I do know that folks with bpd can be horribly damaged by bad and mediocre therapists. We are so vulnerable, and so needy. For folks with bpd to benefit, the therapist really has to have lots of experience in treating this problem, and also, continual supervision.

To me, from your description of your therapist, I see some warning signs that suggest that her quality as a therapist may not be strong enough. I see her as over-reacting to you in therapy. I see her as not taking responsibility for her own emotions, but as making you responsible for them.

In my opinion, a skillful bpd therapist would not lose trust in a patient who makes the kind of disclosure you made. That disclosure was totally the sort that should have moved therapy deeper and forward. A skillful therapist should have welcomed it and used it.

You might want to pay attention to your ambivalence here, as folks with bpd are often incredibly sensitive to these undercurrents.

Mango, as I say, I don't know you and I don't know your therapist. All I can say is, I think you should, if you haven't already, check out her background and her training, and make sure she is very experienced in working with people with your issues. Do not trust your sense that you love her, that you need to be fair to her, don't trust any of that. Transference entanglements have already happened, and if you're anything like typical, you're already wildly attached to her, but your feelings about her swing back and forth like pendulum in a hurricane. So, for both your sakes, make sure that she's got the experience to deal with that sort of thing. If she hasn't, then find a therapist who does.

Good luck,
-Far

I have to say, you are completely in the wrong here. You T is protecting herself from a sexual advance/assault by you. And she is right to. She can't compromise her own safety, her professionalism, and her reputation just to keep doing therapy with you. And I think she was right to email you to terminate, as you have shown that you cannot be trusted to respect boundaries. It would have hurt her and you more if you see her again. Please find another therapist who you are not attracted to and work all this out with him/her. It id for your best interest as well as your T's best interest for you to do so.

Hello Far,
Don't worry, I'm not offended in the least by statements regarding my borderline qualities. For all we have to suffer, we still have charisma on our side, right? I certainly did not expect to come out of a decade of childhood abuse unscathed...it's just a shame that my perceived success led professionals to turn a blind eye to any real psychiatric disorder. My current therapist was above-average in that respect and, being in the unique position to bring out my more life-damaging borderline characteristics (in spades, arguably), was in the unique position to help had she posited herself as something more than a continuation of the pattern.

I'm responding to your post specifically because, despite the wrongdoing on my part (which I do not want to deny or diminish), you are right on both counts regarding my therapist. She did overreact and she has repeatedly expected me to take on (and be responsible for) her feelings - I do no less placating in therapy than I do in my personal relationships. Here's my issue though: would it make me a hypocrite to use her admissions (e.g., that she wrongly accused me of trying to "emotionally pull her into something" because her emotions were going out to me and that she had not been completely honest about her reactions to the kiss thing) as evidence that I cannot trust her (because I instinctively don't) when it may not have been right for her to use my admission (i.e., that I justified the kiss thing by feeling vengeful that she was equally guilty of disregarding my feelings) as evidence that she couldn't trust me? (Though she has since done a 180˚ on that front.)

Another big issue is that I'm almost 100% certain that any negative comment(s) about her will bring out that retaliatory undercurrent I mentioned in my last post, so I just don't feel safe discussing the hurt I feel with her. To illustrate: At our most recent session, she was as pleasant (and even sweet) as she could be until I made a slightly teasing comment about the long pause she took in answering how she felt about the proposition 8 decision. Her response was, "God, sorry, you're just going sixty miles an hour here - what did your psychiatrist call you once? 'Hyper?'" I responded (self-deprecatingly) with, "Yeah, sorry, I'm at a 7 and you need me at a 3." to which she retorted, "I'd be fine with a 5 or even a 7 - you're at a, like, 12."

I didn't feel wounded by that, but you may be able to see how biting she can get when her ego is threatened. Since I was appreciative that she so quickly wanted to resume therapy with me (a 3-day termination - is that a record??) and especially that she took back the claim that she felt threatened or uncomfortable by the kiss itself (which took the edge off the humiliation), I've agreed to keep seeing her this month. I'm planning to move back to NY, however, because she no longer provides a reason to stay in this God-forsaken city. (I already gave notice to my landlord and employer.)

Thanks so much for your empathetic and understanding reply, Far.
- Mango

never mind....(deleted)