[StuckAndConfused]

Hello,

My wife is out of town for the weekend and I am here with the kids. I used to enjoy it when my wife would go for the weekend. Now I just feel even lonelier. I have been so sad this week. I haven't seen or spoken to my T since mid April. I really miss her and I'm really sad.

I stopped going to my new T. He just talked too much. I would talk for the first five minutes and then he would talk for the next 50. He helped me through the hard parts, which were telling my couples T of my feelings and helping me deal with the subsequent rejection when she told me I couldn't come back. But now I think it time to move on.

I have an appointment with a new T on Mon. Hopefully this will help.

-Stuck

[swimmergirl]

((((((StuckandConfused))))))

Sorry you are feeling sad tonight. You are in good company. I am surrounded by my lovely family and feel the same way. I had my last appt. with my T on Tuesday. (if you want to know a little of what happened, read my response to Daisy May on Pain in Transference thread in Psychotherapy). Mid April is 2 months. Has it gotten any easier? Is the pain starting to ease? Have you been able to put some of that back in your marriage?
I think it is good you are getting a new T. If the old one wasn't working and it sounds like you gave it some time, that's the right move. You are not paying to listen to him talk for 50 minutes. I'm glad he was able to help you initially though.
For me, what is unbearable right now is the thought that I will never, ever, ever see him again. That is how I have to look at it in order to function. I do have a new T appt. next week. He was our MFT(Marriage Family Therapy) and is pretty easy going but I have not decided for sure if/when I will continue, even though I am leaning in that direction. My new T is in the same building as my old.......old will be gone for 8 weeks in summer but will be there next week and I hope beyond hope I do not see him or I may have an emotional breakdown. As long as I can convince myself that he is gone........I think I may be okay. Tell me........does it get better? Has it gotten easier to deal with? Did seeing another T help lessen the sting? ((((((Hugs))))))) Hang in there.........this place is great to come when you are feeling down.

[StuckAndConfused]

Swimmer,

I just read about your last session. I was touched by what you shared about your last session. I wish I had known that I was in my last session when I was. I would have liked to say some of those things. I especially want her to know how much she means to me. I always wonder if she ever thinks about me. It's amazing how similiar all of our experiences are.

-Stuck

[StuckAndConfused]

Originally Posted by swimmergirl

Has it gotten any easier? Is the pain starting to ease? Have you been able to put some of that back in your marriage?

SG,

Sorry I didn't answer this yesterday. When I was in your shoes this was the burning question and still kinda is. Many would say that I haven't given this enough time. It's been 3 months since my unexpected last session. Thats not much time to grieve over the loss of someone who is so important in your life. I can't say that it has gotten much easier but it has gotten a little easier. All I could think about when I left was, how do I get back in there? This can't be the last time I'll ever see her. It was painful. My T broke it down for me by saying that she is now dead to me. I balled for hours but he was right. I needed to see it like that. Just having sessions lined up and talking to him about how I missed my former T helped too. Having sessions lined gave me something to look forward to, I get to talk about my former T (or in my case, talk a little and then listen to him talk about her alot) Those sessions definately helped. I think it may be hard for you though having your sessions in the same building. All those memories will be with you when you walk in. But this is your marriage T so talking to someone familiar is good too.

In your post to Daisy May, you said everything perfectly. That was great advice. Follow your own advice and you'll make it through this. When I'm at my worst, I say to myself "this won't last forever". I know it feels like it will, but we will move on.

-Stuck

[swimmergirl]

(((((Stuck and Confused))))))

Sorry it took me a little while to get back to you. I have 3 kids of my own.....kids! 3 months is pretty good. I am on day 4. The one thing that will help me get back into T, which in my rational mind I know I really need, is that I will be able to talk with MFT about mourning T and I do think that will help. No one(probably including him) understands this but my T did get me in the end and that was very very healing.
I am concerned they are in the same building but it is a reduced fee clinic and we need that advantage. Plus, I am very reluctant to continue at all.........I know for a fact I would not continue if it was with someone totally brand new. MFT will not have a clock ticking over my head.......I can come in for up to a year if I want. There is a small chance I could work with T in the fall. Don't know if I would(since it would involve limited sessions up front). A lot depends on if I feel I still need it, how well I have bonded with MFT, etc.
I am very fearful about transference feelings with my MFT. Both my husband and T think it will help. Other posters have told me I may need this to heal. I don't mind going through it again, but it is the pain at the end that is consuming me that I don't want to experience again. Will I always need another T to mourn the last one? I just comfort myself with the hope that once I am closer to being better, that it will be sad but not debilitating. Anyway, have a good Sunday.
sg