[ForeverAloneGuy]

I'm male and seeing a female therapist for almost 3 months and I don't find her physically attractive, for one thing she's quite a bit older than me and (no offence to older ladies) I tend to go after younger girls.

But in today's session I started finding my eyes wander towards her breasts and thinking "doesn't she look nice in that sweater" and feeling like I wanted to touch her (obviously I resisted! I don't go around touching people). When I got home I caught myself fantasising about her and what it'd be like to have sex with her. Should I tell her, or do you think she'll want to pass me off to another counseller? I don't want to lose the progress we've made. It's going well so far.

In case you're interested... It's probably not too surprising really. You see, I try hard to repress any sexual fealings I have, probably because of my consirvative upbringing. I've been taught that sexual thoughts are dirty, and I've never had a partner to expore them with. I never let on to anyone that I'm have normal sexual desires, I try to play the innocent guy card. I hold a lot of shame about my sexual feelings. Today I was able to let my gaurd down and I was talking to my therapist about my general sexual fealings and fantasies and fetishes in a level of detail I've never aproched with anyway. I felt this was a big deal, but she said they were normal and nothing to feal ashamed of. I also have this thing about seeking aproval from women. And this is the first time a woman has ever told me my sexual fealings are normal and a-okay. Then I went quiet for a bit not knowing what to say because I was expecting judgement but got aproval, and from there these thoughts wandered in. It must be caused by the fact she gave me the approval I was looking for. Do I tell her?

[wintergirl]

I might be in the minority here, but I would hold off on telling her about your specific feelings. It sounds like you're making really good progress with her, and this seems like an excellent chance to explore the feelings without actually addressing them outright at this point.

It sounds like you have a good awareness of where the feelings are coming from, and you can talk about them in the future if they persist.

[CantExplain]

This is how I handled it:

Me: I've been admiring your breasts.
T: So I've noticed. Well, you're allowed to do that.

[rainbow8]

Can'tExplain: You really had that exchange with your T? Then what happened after she said that?

[SallyBrown]

Today I was able to let my gaurd down and I was talking to my therapist about my general sexual fealings and fantasies and fetishes in a level of detail I've never aproched with anyway. I felt this was a big deal, but she said they were normal and nothing to feal ashamed of. I also have this thing about seeking aproval from women. And this is the first time a woman has ever told me my sexual fealings are normal and a-okay. Then I went quiet for a bit not knowing what to say because I was expecting judgement but got aproval, and from there these thoughts wandered in. It must be caused by the fact she gave me the approval I was looking for. Do I tell her?

Yes! Tell her! Look at how much it's obviously affected you to be telling her about sexual feelings, and feeling normal. This is the perfect opportunity for you to then talk about sexual feelings in the here-and-now.

And, as you probably know, this is a totally normal occurrence. If she's a good T, she's trained to deal with it. What you said is very insightful -- you know this isn't about sex per se, but about intimacy (I just made several people shudder) and attachment. This is really rich material for therapy. Go for it! And good luck. I know it's scary... been there and done that.

[crazycanbegood]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

This is how I handled it:

Me: I've been admiring your breasts.
T: So I've noticed. Well, you're allowed to do that.

i once spent a whole session staring at T's breasts! i hope she didn't notice.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Can'tExplain: You really had that exchange with your T? Then what happened after she said that?

Yes, the really happened. And then we went on to something else.

I was a bit surprised at her calmness, but it wasn't a big deal.

[ForeverAloneGuy]

I just told her and she said it was bound to happen and she's glad I told her.

[shipping]

I agree with wintergirl. For several reasons. First, most important reason is what wintergirl said. I paste.
"It sounds like you're making really good progress with her, and this seems like an excellent chance to explore the feelings without actually addressing them outright at this point.

It sounds like you have a good awareness of where the feelings are coming from, and you can talk about them in the future if they persist."

Explore, explore, explore. You can teach yourself many things this way. You can celebrate in sensual happy ways that a woman has told you your feelings are normal, and fantasize maybe, depending on how that makes you feel. Also, learn that in RL, it is exciting more if it is revealed slowly. It will be more intense maybe, but private intensity is something bpd's benefit from learning to cope with--not every feeling has to be immediately shared (bpd's commonly blurt out their feelings and I hear that society doesn't always work smoothly when this happens). My T knows my feelings for her and accepts them, but I gradually revealed these feelings, and I actually believe it was more pleasurable for both of us that way (yes, sometimes a T can feel pleasure from positive attention--they are human). My final point is that it would be better to tell her when you don't have to follow it with: "I'm not physically attracted to her...for one thing she's older...no offense..." See how that might hurt a woman's feelings, even if she is a T? In case you ever want to try physical relationships in RL, I advise you to remember that women are very sensitive...about our age, our bodies, etc. Even a professionally trained T could feel hurt by this, somewhere in the depths of her mind even if she wouldn't say so. That wouldn't be good practice for RL. Forveralone--you sound very sweet and sensitive, so I'm telling you this so you can expand your already loveable guy self. A delay in telling her will give you both time to feel tiny what-if's--I love that feeling. Sometimes it can keep me going along and coping for several weeks or a month or two. Whatever works, right? I feel love toward you from reading your post and thinking about it, and responding. I hope anything I've said here helps you. And wintergirl, too, in in this post; she has great advice.