is my therapist attracted to me?

hi there. i really need some help as i've just had my fourth session with my university psychiatrist, and our session has taken on a entirely new vibe. he is a very friendly, smart and sweet man, however, i noticed a few things during our third session that caused me to feel intense erotic transference for him after we had finished. I had had no feelings whatsoever before out third session, but during it I decided to recount to him how I'd become paranoid that my father had sexual feelings towards me as a child. He then spent the rest of the session asking me about my sex life, balanced with alot of good helpful analysis. I am a bit worried as I am a model and when I smiled at him during this session, he seems a bit all over the place and looked away, and after that seemed to take a shining to me! In our fourth session, he swanned to his chair rather lovesick, lovingly announcing 'and here we are again!', to the point where it was just overpowering and I could barely look him in the face. I find him very helpful and it might just be his manner, but is there a chance he's becoming a bit lovesick? I know I am, and I keep smiling at him because I can't stop feeling flustered in his presence anymore! He was quite abrupt balanced with natural sweetness and kindness in our first two sessions, and I would say hes eccentric, but it now seems very personal and strong like hes come alive. I am 21, he is mid forties but I am very attracted. He also slipped out that he likes my smile, then said laugh, to talk about why I might be laughing during our sessions as past of my way of dealing with my emotions. He keeps things professional in his discussion, but his tone and the way he was so dreamful and adoring in his voice makes me feel very confused! He is, I think, quite eccentric and jolly though impatient, is this just his personality? Please help anyone!

From your description of his actions and words at face value, I don't think there's enough to conclude that he is attracted to you, although you are actively interpreting that to be the case (labeling him "lovesick," "dreamful," and "adoring," describing his actions as "lovingly"). It's likely that, as you put it, it is "just his personality" and he is simply a warm and charismatic person and your good interpersonal chemistry is just starting to pick up, and he feels affection for you.

It's also possible that talking about sex with him awakened some new thoughts and feelings in you. I find that talking about sex with someone—like a friend—almost invariably for me, deep down, brings my attention to that person as a sexual creature. The content of the conversation as well as the openness it requires can plant seeds of infatuation. Maybe those feelings lead to wishful thinking, hence your interpretative adjectives like "adoring" and "lovesick" (and let me tell you, I know what wishful thinking is like! I am a master-pro).

Or, he could actually be attracted to you. I just don't think there's enough definitive information to conclude that, on my part, with the limited info. Some demeanors and nuances can be so subtle in therapy that you really need to be there to witness and understand it.

I'm sorry this isn't more help and that I don't think anyone can really give you yes-or-no answer quite yet, but I can say that it's important to explore those feelings and ask yourself where they are coming from. When someone listens to all your problems and shows concern and intelligent feedback, it's a task not to like them. If you're feeling exceptionally brave you could even bring it up to him and he could help you sort it out. I still have to work up the nerve to tell my own therapist my overwhelming transference feelings. You can keep us updated, either way!

thanks for such a great reply. i would say that i have thought about it and realise a lot of my interpretation is very much wishful, such as why he would talk about sex and be so nice. however there have been about 4 teeny moments where he kind of shows a weird sense of infatuation that makes me feel pinned to the wall lol, but youre right, its very complex right now to trust my judgement. the way he swanned into the room however, was like he was high on ecstasy lol. i certinaly have been egging him on without realising it if its the case!

just to add, he did say that first line in the most ridiculously exasperated romantic way lol before flopping onto his seat, it was only like that with men who have shown interest in me that im spoken to like, it was just so obvious! sort of like litteboyish, i know we had established a connection in the last session. but youre right, its not easy to tell, and i do sound like i want this to be true lol

missdell - you said you were paranoid about your father having sexual feelings toward you as a child. These current feelings might be surfacing so you can work on that issue you had as a child. Transference. My t often seems to 'take on' aspects of my past that I still need to deal with.

thing is, i really was searching for memories and it doesnt seem like a big deal to me. i guess my dad was very nervous and insecure around us as kids, hes not good with them, and yes i became paranoid, but i dont assume men like me, and the only times i have theyve made it clear i was right by telling me lol! otherwise im quite low on selfesteem about getting the men i want. thanks for a great answer though, made me think

omg i just realised i told my therapist i get turned off when men show an interest, oooh it might be why! thanks so much! ill have to talk in my next session with him about this

No problem! I'm so glad to see that you're already making some insights based on BonnieJean's comments. And I'm glad you and your therapist enjoy each other so much. Regardless of whether it really is romantic, he definitely seems to like you. That's always a good start for good therapy, I think.

Ha ha, egging him on! I totally flirt with my therapist without even trying, too. She doesn't ever respond to it, but I feel high whenever she seems affectionate. Good luck with everything.

i do feel that he is physcially attracted to me, intellectually we also share a good connection, but the subconcious transference was definitely established in our third session, we left it on him aksing if i enjoyed sex with my last encounters, so we left a wide gap for those thoughts to occur! plus the whole being paranoid my father had sexual feelings towards me thing was so obviously gonna open a door to those thoughts on either side of the couch