[geez]

I have a psychiatrist that I'm seeing for treatment of depression. The first three appts. were every three weeks. At my third session (yesterday) he asked me how I was doing and I told him I had to put my dog to sleep on Monday. He then said he's sorry and it must be difficult. Is it difficult? Yes but I don't really 'know' my psychiatrist so I can't let any of my hurt show. I sat there and looked at him. Then I asked him if he ever had a dog or went through the loss of a dog. He then asked me why I asked that question and I told him: "because I want to know if you understand what that feels like". He then said that he actually lost a dog two months ago I told him I was sorry to hear that. He then said he has a cat left and I told him I could never have cats as I'm allergic.

We then had small talk about a duathlon that I'm training for and then my meds.

Then there was a pause. A big fat giant pause. It was like we were in a staring contest We both sat in silence with our eyes locked staring at each other in the eyes for about 5 seconds until I couldn't stand it and then I looked away (this happened a couple of times). He's easy on the eyes and has the bluest of eyes that pierce right through me.

At the end of the appt he asked me when I would like to come in again and I asked him what is customary. He told me he leaves that up to his clients to decide. I have my next appt in 4 weeks. Crush! Only if I weren't married!

Anyone have this experience?

[archipelago]

It is a part of the process to have these sorts of feelings. After all there is a level of intimacy involved in the process. We have a general tendency to understand or take intimacy into areas of romantic or sexual interests. That is perfectly normal and can actually be used to further the relationship. It usually has other feelings going along with it so exploring it openly is a good idea, even if it might feel embarrassing or uncomfortable. Talking about attractions of this sort can happen as much as they need to without damaging the relationship. Only acting on the feelings is considered wrong by the profession but the feelings themselves are quite understandable and normal.

Sorry to read about Java. That was going to be the name of a Bengal cat that I still haven't gotten. I will still use the name and remember your beloved dog.

[geez]

Originally Posted by iota

It is a part of the process to have these sorts of feelings. After all there is a level of intimacy involved in the process. We have a general tendency to understand or take intimacy into areas of romantic or sexual interests. That is perfectly normal and can actually be used to further the relationship. It usually has other feelings going along with it so exploring it openly is a good idea, even if it might feel embarrassing or uncomfortable. Talking about attractions of this sort can happen as much as they need to without damaging the relationship. Only acting on the feelings is considered wrong by the profession but the feelings themselves are quite understandable and normal.

Sorry to read about Java. That was going to be the name of a Bengal cat that I still haven't gotten. I will still use the name and remember your beloved dog.

Thank you for the condolences about my dog Java. It's hard and I miss her but I have memories that will always be there.

I guess I sort of am not sure about telling the psychiatrist that I have a crush on him etc.... It's not like I see him every week for an hour like my regular therapist. Do I have something to really gain? Flirting with him for sport because I'm attracted to him would/will be fun but I'm not sure I have anything else to gain by telling him I'm attracted to him?

[archipelago]

I guess you're right. I see my psychiatrist as my therapist twice a week so it is a different situation. If I think about whether I would tell a physician about a possible flirtatious attitude, of course I wouldn't do so. On the other hand, things are different in mental health so that's why I suggested saying something. But if it feels like a harmless and fun thing, no problem.

[Lauliza]

I don't think you necessarily need to talk to him about it unless it interferes with your treatment. If you are comfortable with him and have a good rapport, I don't think it's a big deal. Especially if you aren't going to him for therapy. I think you'd need to tell him if you were withholding information in order to impress him, or were becoming infatuated to the point of it interfering with your life. Otherwise, I think it's fine to keep it to yourself.

I also have a crush on my very cute psychiatrist who I see about once a month for med management and also for updates on what's going on in my life. We do talk about my life as I have had marital problems and he's been very good at giving much needed guidance and support. I also see a female social worker for therapy so although I do go to him a lot, he is not my therapist. It's funny you mention the awkward stares and your asking him a personal question, because I am the opposite. During a session we've had the looong stares where we say nothing, and I just go blank. I had suspected he was divorced, but am so shy and socially anxious, I never asked. He's actually tried to ask me questions in small talk and I answer quickly and avoid small talk like the plague. I wanted to ask him about being divorced but was afraid of the boundary thing. Then it got harder becuase I sw him on an online dating site. In a session, he encouraged me to try online dating as he thought I was ready. I agreed and signed up. Then a month later he's on the same site and matched up with me. I looked at his profile and then found myself much more attracted to him, made worse by the fact that I now knew personal stuff too. I was afraid again of the boundary thing and his being mad at me (an unfounded fear, I just have abandonment issues), so I never said anything about seeing him on the dating site. You can see that people have checked you out on the site, and he's made references to online dating and given me advice, so I know he knows...its just one of those unsaid things. Because of this my anxiety and preoccupation with this, I have been debating back and forth as to whether I should tell him. I think my being open about it would probably alleviate some of my anxiety and eliminate the fantasy of it all, but it is just so difficult to bring up in a monthly 20 minute meeting...

In your case, it sounds like you handle it well, and that it's even fun for you. So I see no need to address it.