Intimacy

Yes, some people have had r/s with their T, but they are breaking legal and ethic rules when they do this. Some people take these rules seriously and would not break them no matter how strong their emotions. Count my T in this group. His professionalism is core to his self-image.

I know how painful it is to feel rejected - it's a big issue with me. It might help if you can put the focus back on therapy and work on how r/s in the past are contributing to this. If it is transference, that means you are sort of re-enacting a r/s from the past. That is where the deep feeling of being rejected is coming from. If your T is ethical and professional, he has no choice but to not become involved in a r/s with you. If you can remember this and try to identify the feelings from the past, it might make the current pain a little more bearable, or at least understandable.

Sorry you're going through this - I am too and I know how much it hurts.

I;m not trying to be dismissive of your feelings by using the term "crush". I do understand the pain as I have felt it myself over the last couple of years with my pdoc. It's taken a while for me to come to terms with these feelings. To try to get through this, it is important to tell yourself over and over that if your T expresses personal interest in any relationship or attraction, then they are not working in your best interest. Like Tooskie wrote, a highly ethical and professional therapist/pdoc who values their career at all will not even consider it. OF couirse there are T's who've had relationships with clients, but they are unprofessional, lack self control and are in need of help themselves. And unlike other health care professionals where it is merely frowned upon, a T or Pdoc can lose everything they've worked for their entire life if they become involved with a patient. Some personalities will be proactive about this by setting boundaries from day one and in some cases make it a policy that is consistent with all their patients. They are human and of course see you as a person, like you and care about you and have personal feelings. But if you are in therapy, you have to accept that the relationship is different from other personal relationships, it has to be. By setting these boundaries, your T is showing that he sincerely cares and only wants what's good for you. Try to see it that way if you can try, to see the logic of it. Think of it like a family member, it just CAN'T happen, and if it does, the person is taking advantage. I agree that it's important to discover the root of your feelings and if what's making it so painful for you to accept this aspect of therapy. I am sorry you are in pain, I really do understand, but it can be used to help you learn a lot about yourself too.

I believe I have my feelings for my T in check...it's always difficult but sometimes more than others. Like this week's session was very intense for me. Sometimes after an intense experience with him, my feelings for him also intensify. I want to hear his voice right now, I feel like I'm having withdrawal from him. I simply want to be with him, talk to him, experience him....arrrrgghhhh. Not in check, not in check.

I feel a strong urge to write to him about my feelings. My question is, is this just going to make it more difficult for me if I continue to focus so intensely on him, write to him, feel for him,
or would it be cathartic for me to write to him to let some of this go? I am thinking of writing and not necessarily sending it to him. I'm sure this intensity will pass, but I'm struggling right now.

I've had that same intensity after a meeting with my pdoc sometimes and become very depressed and obsessive. Whether or not writing to your t would be helpful depends on the reaction you hope to invoke from him. I think that's huge. If you're looking for one reaction and get another, it could be traumatic. I think getting it out of your head and on paper or the computer is a start and will deflate the intensity a little. It with help with the obsessing too. Decide if ur going to show or talk to him after the fact since you may think very differently once youve cooled own a little. Maybe show someone else first or write here. When I've felt that intensity I've called my pdoc's office to talk to him, really I guess, just to connect with him somehow. Still I only talk about symptoms and meds. I'm so conscious of overstepping boundaries I am sure not to call very often and make sure I only talk to him about issues he would expect me to call for. But for you, if writing helps do as much as you can but also try to keep seeking support from others who can empathize but whose reactions you don't need to worry about. That might help deflate the intensity.