Naughty Words T

I am from the deep south and I refer to body parts by their correct names. And I too was raised by my mama to be a lady. I find some words to be in poor taste and I do not use them. But I can hear or read them without needing to resort to calling for my smelling salts.

It was you who said you almost blacked out and that you became "mortified" and "panicked" even reading certain words describing body parts - which is quite different from simply "poor taste" - your earlier descriptions of your response to what you now describe as "simply poor taste" were fairly extreme.

Once again, that is what you do. However, this is about how I prefer to discuss things. And what I deem inappropriate. So to go from a decent conversation using the terms vagina, vaginal atrophy, estrogen, etc. To him talking about ****ing. FYI talking about ****ing to the lady who has explained explicit dreams, etc to work though transference. Yes, it is mortifying. And those type of words are vile and disgusting. Plain and simple. Rather odd the issue is my response to distasteful, vulgar, wording.. Opposed to the fact...... It was the T not I who did this. SMH

I call my vagina......"Bird of paradise"---the flower....much prettier.......and I am a poet....words are powerful.

You drew attention to your response to T's vulgarity by your dramatic description of your reaction. So naturally people who are introspective will wonder why it is that you would pass out when hearing a vulgar word. Because in reality that is not a "normal" response to hearing a dirty word, and if true, should be looked at.

Maybe less dramatics and more factual descriptions in future will keep your threads from derailing and give you the type of responses you were expecting...

I completely understand where you are coming from. I have little tolerance for foul language. Apparently many people find it normal and inoffensive, but that's not how I was raised, it's not how I speak, and I would rather people didn't spew their filth in my presence. It feels like my air space is being polluted when people go on a cussing rampage around me. It's just really bad manners and inconsiderate to others.

For a therapist to digress into such language, particularly with a client who probably has never indicated that kind of verbiage is okay with them, is unprofessional, inconsiderate, and clearly out of touch with his clients' personal values.

Exactly. To me it is foul language during a session. Now if the tables were turned and I were talking to him in such a manner, dealing with transference. O M G . Simply poor taste. Especially when the client is clearly trying to stay clear of anything that may be misconstrued as regressing into transference again. The session as about me and what is okay for me. He didn't have to go ruining it and begin swearing like a 14 pot head.

Him using such statement during a session yes, is dramatic. I don't want to hear people talking that way. I don't. Nor do I share my company and intermost thoughts with anyone who is so vulgar.

I think he was trying to show you that there is more to sexuality than just the primal and instinctive. The crude F word cannot get much more cave-man/primal/"basic" in expression? How one feels about one's sexuality and its expression are extremely important I think. It sounds to me like you want to think of it in a neat, polite, organized (correct terminology) way; you do not seem to have a way to express it emotionally in a messy, rude way? I don't think sex can be contained or made to fit neatly into our lives.

I had a friend in college who was raped and murdered. That was an act that was not about sexuality, but rawness, power, and extremes that go way beyond even the word "rape" and its clinical meaning. It needs a cruder word as does the power of one's own sexuality when one wants sex and one's self and partner are ripping off each other's clothes, desperate to get undressed.

I don't know why the words bother you, maybe because of their uncontrollable extremes and that you were taught over and over they weren't "nice" and that it was important to be "nice". I don't know if you will ever not mind their use but I hope you do allow other people to not mind their use; other people are raised differently, use different words.

You misunderstand my previous post. I was not referring to T. Your description of nearly passing out was the dramatic bit that shifted the focus of this thread onto you reaction instead of T's vocabulary.

I understand completely. He was absolutely provoking you. And BEST of luck with your procedures, I don't know exactly what it is but I have had "plumbing" issues requiring surgery and despite the emotional affair my T dealt with it very well- at least I can say that for him.

I believe you found your silver lining
Your T's vulgarity now ensures you do not have any further issues regarding romantic feelings toward him.

This is a step in the right direction I think, but I sincerely do hope that you address this with him, so that you can clear this language issue.

Wow, what a topic!

There's a few words that I won't say outloud.. and I would be upset if someone was to refer to me and my body parts by them. I would tell them so. But if someone else was to use them in conversation - I might sorta wince inside, but no biggie it's just how they talk. I use a lot of different words to sort of describe the KIND of sex that it was, and I don't really consider it vulgar at all.

OP, I really do think that it was the way you describe your reactions: nearly passing out, getting panicky, etc, that caused a large reaction from people in the thread. It's ok to be upset with your T for using these words when he knows that you don't like them, but getting upset to the extent that you did shows that it's probably an issue that you and your T can work on.

Like... I rarely refer to my v****** by any name at all. I simply don't talk about it. I do talk about getting cysts on my cervix as it's a routinely annoying result for me... but my body parts? Rarely ever have a need to talk about them. Calling it anything at all makes me uncomfortable, if I'm honest, but I sure don't consider myself to be above or below anyone else based on how I speak. They're words. They're common, everyday words, and it doesn't make someone else vulgar. I'm sure there's many women who also consider themselves to be a "lady" who are not part of the gentry who do use all of those words in daily conversation.

This is exactly what I told my t when he said something crude a couple of weeks ago. I said, "THIS is why we are not married!" Then he REPEATED the word!! I later told him he can talk to his daughter like that, but not to me! He previously told me she uses an expression I find distasteful. I've told him before that her new stepmother (that would be me ! ) was not going to stand for it! I see it as we are both allowed to be ourselves and express our preferences in a safe place, with nobody yelling at each or shutting the other person down or up or whatever.

I read somewhere that Italians swear using sexual functions, but WASPs swear using excretory functions. So I guess t is better assimilated into American culture than I am, but his family has been here a little longer. Even one generation more makes a big difference.

I have always thought it interesting why "we" call our intimate sexual body parts by other names (note, we call our non-sexual parts by proper names)....I wonder if it is because of embarrassment?

Habit or conditioning, I am more comfortable using euphemisms at times. Depends on the level and nature of the relationship.

You got that right. LMBO. Actually I'm about to terminate with him as of Monday. He has ticked me off. That is another can of worms. Literally. I don't know, this T & I .. smh I think it is best to terminate, opposed to going into stoic, matter of fact juggernaut mode with him. I was having a serious meltdown after my pre-op appt. I decided to call him. Him confidential mailbox was full.. He never called back. So yeah.. That was the straw that broke the camels back. And I do not feel like hearing the "I'm so sorry. I swore I took it home with a reminder, I usually never forget anything you tell me, I was just about to call you Blah, Blah."