[WhiteClouds]

Hi Psyche Central,
Please help me.. Sorry this is a tad long. Please help. I feel like crying right now. Why? I don't know.
Last night I tossed and turned paired with vivid dreams all night. I awoke with my body feeling sore, almost over exerted like I ran or endured a lot of physical activity.
A part of me feels extremely embarrassed by the dream/ dreams I had last night. I feel like I had a set back with my dreams. For some time my dreams have been calming, intuitive, informative... Until last night. I feel shame right now, I guess that is why I am skirting around telling the dream. However I need help, insight about this.
The Dream: I was out in a business complex of some sort. A business high rise of sorts. Apparently my T office was located there. I was there to ask him for an appointment. When I went into his office a young man was there with him as I talked with him. He explained to me that the young man sitting there was more important to him and that I have to understand his profession is about the money. And money talks. I asked did my insurance pay him less? He said yes, and that he make more off of this other person hence they came first.
At some time the young man left out of the office. I shifted, and moved in my seat. I felt overwhelmingly sad. I didn't say it. I could hear it in my mind. "It's over. You are done seeing me". when I thought this, the more I thought this, the more our physical bodies gravitated towards each other. I could feel tears rolling down my face. It felt definitive, it was over. I would never see him again, ever. I thought the "end" of me ever seeing him as going to be a hug. As he embraced me in a hug and told me he was sorry, but it had to end. He pulled back and looked at me. Stared at me. Then he said, you may as well know now, I am absolutely crazy about you, I think about you all the time, you have no idea how madly in love with you I am." (Ridiculous smdh so irrational and stupid to even subconsciously think or see some mess like this) Anyway. we ended up somehow falling onto one of his leather chairs and we began kissing. (in my head I was thinking how worthless and far from his level I am and this surely is nothing more than physical attraction and there is no way in Hades what he said is true) In my shame I pushed him off of me and said you know what you said and are doing are not true. It is not sincere. You do not, will not feel that way about me. I began to sob and yell at him that he has always saw me as nothing, no one with no value. Just some screwed up client that doesn't pay as much as some other clients. I stormed out the office, he grabbed my arm and said Sammy (alias for his Secretary) knows how I feel about you. I can see it in her eyes when she see me look at you or whenever you are near me. You know, deep down inside that this is not a game I am trying to tell you. He then said even if you never see me again, I will always be with you. You are my twin flame... Then I awoke

I now feel confused, embarrassed, sad... I sincerely feel like I will never see him again that he is terminating care. Why? I don't know. I just feel like it's over.
Please help. Please help me with this dream. I beg of you, someone, anyone please help me make sense of this.

[WhiteClouds]

Please understand I thought the whole "Erotic Transference" had dissipated, been resolved. I'm embarrassed, confused. I want to cry right now. I do. I place so much value on my dreams & visions. I am a very spiritual person that believes your dreams are revelatory when you're at a certain level spiritually. Not this one.. At a lost for words.
I did text my T requesting an appointment for this week when I awoke. because clearly something is wrong or going on with me to have some dream like this about this man. No response. More than likely his Secretary will call and schedule. Which I am okay with. This need to be dealt with. I don't know what to think what does this mean, how did this happen, why now?

I don't put much stock in dreams, so my advice to remember it is just a dream, not real life, probably won't be helpful to you, but that's what I would do.

[WhiteClouds]

Hi 1914 Sierra,
Thank you for taking the time to respond.
Yeah that is where it get tricky for me. Psychology says our dreams are a manifestation of our subconscious. Where as spiritualty it is said that your dreams are a manifestation of your spirit and it's journey during your sleep cycle. Meaning you dreams act out spiritually with the spirits of others, angels, etc.
With that said I am feeling more emotional about this dream than, revelatory.
How did I fall back into erotic transference with this man? smh. Hmmm
He did text back and explain later this afternoon he will call to schedule me an appointment once he is near his computer. 8shrug*
Not even sure if I am going to even tell him about this vile, ugly ridiculous dream.

[FeelTheBurn]

WhiteClouds, I don't see "vile and ridiculous" in your dream. I see a simple need for connection with a significant person in your life, and the various insecurities and fears that prevent you from feeling secure in that connection.

The romantic/sexual stuff is super common, too--people often convert that need for connection into sexuality or fantasy romance. It's normal. Many of us have experienced it. Allow yourself to need the connection, and share that feeling with him, if you can. Odds are very good he'll normalize it, too, and help you to see what it means to you in the big picture. Don't be so hard on yourself.

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by FeelTheBurn

WhiteClouds, I don't see "vile and ridiculous" in your dream. I see a simple need for connection with a significant person in your life, and the various insecurities and fears that prevent you from feeling secure in that connection.

The romantic/sexual stuff is super common, too--people often convert that need for connection into sexuality or fantasy romance. It's normal. Many of us have experienced it. Allow yourself to need the connection, and share that feeling with him, if you can. Odds are very good he'll normalize it, too, and help you to see what it means to you in the big picture. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Hi Feel The Burn,
Thanks for responding.
So there is a way he can normalize a dream that is so sexually charged and inappropriate? I did consider printing the primary post and taking it with me to my next session. I may read it or just hand it to him & we work from there.

[WhiteClouds]

Do I supposed to need a connection with him and wanting to maintain a connection with him?
Not a sexual, erotic connection, but feel connected to him.

[unaluna]

Ime, it takes a loooooong time to get over romantic transference. It's there for a reason - not a romantic reason, unfortunately! Usually something more gnarly, more childish, more something. We just WISH it could be solved romantically. If only.

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by hankster

Ime, it takes a loooooong time to get over romantic transference. It's there for a reason - not a romantic reason, unfortunately! Usually something more gnarly, more childish, more something. We just WISH it could be solved romantically. If only.

Yeah I'm going to have to hold tight and let him tell me where and what this is about. a part of me is about me feeling like he has abandoned me during my recovery. I heard from him once when I text him Friday. He apologized for not calling sooner and he had been thinking about me and planned to o call later that evening. (whatever, BS lie) I digress.
A part of me thought he would be with me throughout all of this.. And my neediness showed up I guess maybe in the dream.

[FeelTheBurn]

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

Do I supposed to need a connection with him and wanting to maintain a connection with him?
Not a sexual, erotic connection, but feel connected to him.

It's not only natural to form a connection and/or attachment to your T, many therapeutic modalities encourage it and train the T how to use it to the client's benefit, and how to manage when it veers off into erotic transference.

Definitely talk to your T about it. You need to hear that you're not being inappropriate or wrong.