[angelicgoldfish05]

I'm posting this in the romantic feelings section because as I understand it, that's what transference can be at times. I'm interested to hear from anyone who has successfully worked through these feelings in therapy, or is currently working through them. Any insight into what the what the feelings mean (aside from the generalized 'something you didn't get in your childhood')? As I understand it, these feelings can be pretty intense. Thanks.

[nicoleflynn]

There is transference and COUNTER-transference; people tend to forget that....feelings go back and forth between therapist and client, as they do in everyday life with a lot of people. I fell in love with my t 10 years ago.....there is nothing to "work through"--the feelings remain the same.

[melania]

I read other of your posts and as I understand he left without saying anything?
So are you still seeing him? Are you seeing him as a therapist?

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by angelicgoldfish05

I'm posting this in the romantic feelings section because as I understand it, that's what transference can be at times. I'm interested to hear from anyone who has successfully worked through these feelings in therapy, or is currently working through them. Any insight into what the what the feelings mean (aside from the generalized 'something you didn't get in your childhood')? As I understand it, these feelings can be pretty intense. Thanks.

Here's my opinion. Transference is a word to describe feelings you might have about another person that aren't coming from any past experiences with that person. For example, if you meet someone and think they are really wonderful, hardworking and honest, even though you actually know almost nothing about them, it's just your intuition...

Romantic transference = falling in love = infatuation = limerence. This is a type of transference where, you really like some things about how your therapist treats you (patient, kind) and so you inwardly long for that person to be your soul mate and ascribe to them all the characteristics of your perfect lover. I think "falling in love" is a physical issue as much as it is mental, because it's also regulated by hormones.

I don't think you need to work through the feelings. I mean, feelings are just that, they are kind of unstoppable. You just need to be able to accept and acknowledge that it won't be consummated, that there is a lot of irrational thought there... etc etc.

[RTerroni]

For me, it usually doesn't get in the way of the work that needs to be done so I don't even think about it during sessions.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

There is transference and COUNTER-transference; people tend to forget that....feelings go back and forth between therapist and client, as they do in everyday life with a lot of people. I fell in love with my t 10 years ago.....there is nothing to "work through"--the feelings remain the same.

As for counter-transference, I have no idea if this was there or not from him.
I do know I felt a lot of things towards him though.. You're right when you say the feelings remain the same. Thank you.

[angelicgoldfish05]

Originally Posted by melania

I read other of your posts and as I understand he left without saying anything?
So are you still seeing him? Are you seeing him as a therapist?

No, not seeing him. Hard to see someone who won't respond and won't say why... someone who left without even saying goodbye.

I doubt highly that he would ever consider seeing me again. Or that I could ever see him as a T again. Reason for this is that my feelings for him are quite strong.

[angelicgoldfish05]

What do you think it means if you have thoughts or feelings of wanting a T to abuse their power towards you? Like you wish somehow they could half-to-mostly sedate you and then abuse you? Isn't that totally messed up?

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by angelicgoldfish05

What do you think it means if you have thoughts or feelings of wanting a T to abuse their power towards you? Like you wish somehow they could half-to-mostly sedate you and then abuse you? Isn't that totally messed up?

I don't know about the sedate part, but I'm at the point where I'd welcome my T abusing her power towards me. I'm intensely attracted to her in every way. I call her number sometimes just to listen to her voicemail. She's in my head all the time. I think about her, I dream about her, I got it bad. I've even told her about it to a degree. She let me know that she can't have romantic relationships with clients. And while part of me is dying for her to abuse her power and allow us to hold each other and let it lead whereever it may lead, I can see how that would create a lot of problems. For one, I'd want that every week. And secondly, then I'd worry that if she crossed that boundary with me then perhaps she does the same with others which would make me jealous and ultimately depressed. So it's for the best that those boundaries are never crossed.

The way I see it, when you're sitting across from someone who gives you their undivided attention for an hour or so and you pour your heart out to them and they offer support and advice instead of ridicule and rejection, how could you not fall a little in love with that person? It would be abnormal not too. Especially when they look as good as my T. Although I know I'd feel the same way no matter how she looked. Because it's about the way she makes me feel, not how she looks. And I don't really buy into the whole idea of it having anything to do with something you didn't receive as a child. Maybe that's the root for some, but not me. Transference is not a one size fits all problem. For me, she's filled a void in my otherwise lonely, depressing existence. It's only natural for a lonely person to want to be held without it having anything to do with problems from your past. I wasn't expecting to have romantic feelings towards her. Heck, I was expecting to hate going to therapy altogether. But it's been a pleasant surprise, and the romantic/erotic feelings towards her have been an unexpected side effect. But not an unwelcome one.