Stuff I Wish I Could Say Aloud

Hello all, I've been lurking for a while, and I finally decided to create a profile. (:

Soooo... I had my last session with my therapist earlier this week, since I'm leaving the country and moving back home in a few days.

I'm taking this process much better than I had imagined, although it *is* still difficult. My therapist has been AMAZING, and it's weird to think that we've worked together for less than a year...

For the most part, I feel ready to not be in therapy (sounds scary to read!!) for a while and to continue on practicing and interacting with everyone.

But one thing kept me stuck... during the session, the inevitable question came up:
"What do you think has changed in our relationship from the beginning until now?"

And it makes me clam up EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

I've emailed my therapist quite a few times regarding this whole transference thing, but every time I went into session, I'd dance around the issue, and I could only say bits and pieces of what was running though my mind.

Since talking face-to-face was what I've been working on, she wanted me to come into session and tell her.

Well, the same thing happened again this past week when she asked me and I *tried* to talk about how I felt being incredibly attached to her/having strong feelings for her, etc. I got 30, maybe 40% out there--it wasn't like she was being dismissive, either. The most amazing thing is that she gently prods me along, so even getting 40% verbally out to her was an amazing feeling. But the thing is I WANT TO verbally tell her all about what I'm feeling (or at least tell her 100% about what I'm feeling), even though I'm sure she knows everything by now with all the emails I've sent her. I guess I want to be able to fully process these feelings that I'm having with her.

And now with the move, I have no clue what to do...

She told me she'll still be available by email (and she *does* do Skype sessions). I wrote a blog entry about my thoughts and feelings and things that I wish I could've said to her, and I'm contemplating sending it in an email.

I don't know...

Any thoughts?

I would totally send it!

Welcome to the forum as well. And I'm glad your T will still be there for you even with you leaving. That's awesome. Knowing that I bet is making it somewhat easier.

Hi Manderzzzz welcome! Talking about the transference is definitely doable, but since you're moving I'm not sure it's something that you would work out on Skype. it is a slow and long process to build up the trust to have these talks with a T. I've found that bringing in something I wrote and reading it when I don't have the guts to just talk has helped...

It's normal to want your therapist to know how much you care, maybe you can just send the letter or even have a Skype session to let her know? Hope it works out!