[AnxiousandAlive124]

Let me start out by saying that my feelings for my therapist aren't a big surprise. I'm a lesbian woman who has also experienced these kinds of feelings with other women before, some that were unattainable to me.

After thinking about my transference/feelings, I have come to the conclusion tha t my feelings are part of a therapuetic dynamic and they are also personal for me. Which makes more sense to why I don't understand them. In my past I have had crushes on teachers, earliest one being when I was 7, lol. Its not a new occurence in my life. But, I don't think my crushes are based out of the figures being in authority, I just seem to happen to like them/ be able to fall for people fairly easily. I think it could possibly be my unconscious trying to tell me I desire a strong romantic relationship...I get told I am sweet and caring quite often, if that helps to understand me better.

I've had these feelings for several months, but I am debating whether or not to tell my therapist since I think there is some potential for growth and understanding here etc. Also since its happened before, so I am naturally curious as to what it means. Part of me says yes, take the plunge! Part of me says no, no reason to and I am afraid that she might transfer me? I don't know how this is typically handled. Although I don't think T's should do that to clients, feelings are feelings. :/

Btw, this therapist could be my mom, she is 31 yrs older than me and she's probably straight (not to say I'm anticipating anything coming of my attraction). As a side note, if she broke boundaries for whatever reason, I know I wouldn't be able to control myself ahaha But I would never want to jeopardize her job or status.

Any kind of feedback or relational stories would be appreciated.

Hello AnxiousandAlive124: Thanks for sharing this Thread with us here on PC. I am perhaps not the best person to be replying to your Thread since I've never really had very good experiences with therapists. However, my thinking with regard to this is that, yes, you should definitely share your feelings with your therapist. It seems to me this is an important development, or perhaps "consideration" & that it should be discussed with your therapist.

From what you wrote, it certainly sounds as though you have a most rational perspective with regard to this attraction. It's not like you're trying to position yourself to instigate a romantic incursion. So I can't imagine why a skilled therapist would transfer a client for bringing up such a natural subject in such a rational way. (I suppose anything is possible.) So, yes, I suppose there is an outside chance your T could react negatively. But, from my perspective, I imagine the risk is minimal. And the potential reward is well worth it. My best wishes to you!

[TheWell]

I recently had a wonderful reaction from my therapist when I told him that I was dealing with some erotic transferance with him. He said it was okay, it happens, not to feel bad about it. He said we should dig into it to see what it is I'm missing, looking for.
Honestly, I don't think it could have been handled better. I didn't feel shamed by him, he helped alleviate the shame I was feeling. He still gave me a hug at the end of our session.
I told my one-on-one therapist about my conversation with my group therapist (the erotic transference) and he was really laid back and easy to talk about it too.

[Soccer mom]

I've also told my T about my MET and it went well. I do think you should tell her. Mine bothered me so much I decided it was worth getting transferred to get help. She hasn't and told me many sessions after she would never abandon me. I agree that if you were trying to sleep with her and it was getting in the way of therapy then she might consider transferring you but that doesn't seem to apply.

[SabinaS]

Many therapists would welcome your honesty and your thoughts about the relationship dynamic. Any good therapist will listen and respond kindly to you opening up about your feelings. I felt a lot better after disclosing my feelings, I did it gradually, at my own pace. It's not a walk in the park, but it helps to be open. You said that you are worried about her transferring you? I think fear of abandonment (or feeling being too much for the T to bare) is very common in these situations - so when you tell her and she stays with you, that's going to be a big part of the healing process for you. Good luck!

[AnxiousandAlive124]

Originally Posted by The Skeezyks

Hello AnxiousandAlive124: Thanks for sharing this Thread with us here on PC. I am perhaps not the best person to be replying to your Thread since I've never really had very good experiences with therapists. However, my thinking with regard to this is that, yes, you should definitely share your feelings with your therapist. It seems to me this is an important development, or perhaps "consideration" & that it should be discussed with your therapist.

From what you wrote, it certainly sounds as though you have a most rational perspective with regard to this attraction. It's not like you're trying to position yourself to instigate a romantic incursion. So I can't imagine why a skilled therapist would transfer a client for bringing up such a natural subject in such a rational way. (I suppose anything is possible.) So, yes, I suppose there is an outside chance your T could react negatively. But, from my perspective, I imagine the risk is minimal. And the potential reward is well worth it. My best wishes to you!

First off, thanks for your reply. Yes, I agree that I have a rational understanding of my situation with my therapist. It is hard at times to deal with the mixed emotions that come up when I think about our relationship and everything considering. Honestly though, the last thing I want to do is to hurt her in any way possible. I'm aware that I am not in love, but my feelings run fairly deep for this woman, and I don't want to do anything/say anything that could jeopardize our working/current relationship or have anything said that could possibly injure my spirit. I appreciate your warm wishes! I truly hope that it will go as smooth as possible when I decide to reveal how I feel.