[nutters]

SO... on some other posts I admitted that I had ET pretty bad with my current T that has gone on for a while. It was consuming my thoughts so much and I thought at some point it would come up, but I also wanted to get it out of the way as soon as possible and out there. I needed to get it off my chest badly.

I finally worked up to it and brought up the transference. Well, my T didn't seem surprised at all, not one bit. He said it was pretty common and that we should explore it more, my thoughts on it, and the fantasies. That last bit there about the fantasies isn't something I care to elaborate on as I'm not sure why that needs to be explored at all! What else is there to discuss about this? I'm open to discussing it but the fantasy part, not at all.

Basically I told him that I needed to get it out there because I didn't want it to impact my progress. T asked how I felt after I told him and I said I was relieved.

I don't have any further thoughts on this and if he is curious I prefer him to lead with questions because I seriously don't know what else to say about it.

So if you have experienced ET with a therapist and had admitted it, how much further did your therapist want to explore it and did you? What aspects of it were discussed?

[WanderingBark]

Hi Nutters,

I recently admitted I have ET to my therapist and his reaction was very similar. After I told him, he also suggested we talk about my fantasies and what about him I found attractive. I told him what I found attractive about him (mostly character attributes) and we talked about what that means. The following session he asked me how I felt about everything and then he asked me to share my fantasies and I just couldn't do it. In hindsight, I REALLY REALLY wish I had told him because now the fantasies are all I can think about and I'm wondering if I had just been honest and open if I would feel less anxious and obsessive now. He hasn't brought it up since I refused to share my fantasies. Sometimes, I flirt with him in trivial ways like say his outfit is cute or if he gets a certain look on his face I will say "you're very handsome right now" and we'll talk about what about him in that moment I find attractive.

I'm hopping next session I can get the courage to ask him why he hasn't brought up my transference and if it would be okay to share my fantasies now that I feel more comfortable and have owned my feelings.

Wishing you well.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by nutters

I finally worked up to it and brought up the transference. Well, my T didn't seem surprised at all, not one bit. He said it was pretty common and that we should explore it more, my thoughts on it, and the fantasies. That last bit there about the fantasies isn't something I care to elaborate on as I'm not sure why that needs to be explored at all! What else is there to discuss about this? I'm open to discussing it but the fantasy part, not at all.

I haven't talked to my T about this stuff yet but I've done a lot of my own 'homework' on the subject evolving out of my own long history of unrequited crushes. I made a sort of flow chart for my daydreams that involved any old crush as well as my therapist. In each one, I found reoccurring themes that essentially led back to 1) feeling unique, special and 'seen' and 2) feeling safe 3) feeling connected.

Even sexual fantasies basically boil down to feeling some kind of special connection with someone, the question is what about that particular person inspires the fantasy.

So I imagine he might ask about the fantasies in order root out what need they fulfill. You don't have to get into any details you don't want to but thinking about common themes, feelings, motifs in these fantasies, sexual or otherwise might cue you into what basic need or desire is being sought after and why this avenue (your therapist) is easiest to express it.

Hope that helps.

[nicoleflynn]

Been in love with him for a long time; discussed it in detail; even wrote him poems....I was verrry detailed (erotic, but classy); he still has them.....we are close in age and he considers me a colleague; there isn't anything we can't discuss (and haven't)! Unfortunately, he led me on big-time.

[Petra5ed]

He's always been good about it. Tries to normalize my feelings and make it less awkward. Will sometimes reiterate that we cant have a normal relationship or "do it"... but otherwise is non-rejecting. The first time I dipped my toe in that well he responded by getting closer to me via eye contact and offering a hug for the first time.

I've heard horror stories on here, but my experience was positive, non-shaming, and therapeutic. I just wish I had more guts to speak my mind more often.

[SubliminalThoughts]

Mine was different. At first I told her that I had feelings for her and the explanation was because she gives me attention and nurtures me. But it still was bugging me because I did not tell her everything. So one day I finally told her how I love her and she terminated. She said it was because my feelings were getting in the way, but I wasn't making progress because I didn't have the right combo of meds. It was kind of lame, but whatever. I still wonder why she terminated. I absolutely know I wasn't making progress because of the combo of meds I had.

[LonesomeTonight]

Here's a few threads I've posted about my experience with sharing my feelings and the aftermath (there's more recent stuff, too, if you want--still seeing him for marriage counseling):
http://forums.psychcentral.com/roman...counselor.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/roman...t-discuss.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...brings-up.html

[LonesomeTonight]

Then here's a couple from the few months afterward (note that this is my experience--your mileage my vary!)
For the record, things are generally good and secure with MC now--still see him for marriage counseling, but he's been very supportive of and caring toward me as well (even after a 3 a.m. text a few weeks ago...)
http://forums.psychcentral.com/roman...s-their-t.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...nger-term.html

[iheartjacques]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

He's always been good about it. Tries to normalize my feelings and make it less awkward. Will sometimes reiterate that we cant have a normal relationship or "do it"... but otherwise is non-rejecting. The first time I dipped my toe in that well he responded by getting closer to me via eye contact and offering a hug for the first time.

I've heard horror stories on here, but my experience was positive, non-shaming, and therapeutic. I just wish I had more guts to speak my mind more often.

I wish mine would hug me. I've never told mine. I don't want to get terminated.

[Chummy]

Not much has happenen since I told him. I've feelings for my pdoc, very strong feelings. He's my pdoc, so I don't see him that often. I've only seen him once after I've told him. That appoinment I told him, he didn't asked a lot. I think he could see that it was hard enough to just tell him that. And the next appt after that, he only asked if it was hard for me to come to the appoinment.
But everything was the same. He still acted the same towards me.

My T knows this too. I've told her way way before I told pdoc. I've talked a little bit about it in maybe 3 (?) sessions. But she didn't asked a lot about it. And she hasn't brought it up in some time and I'm a bit afraid to begin about it to her again.

I kind of want to talk some more about it, but it would also be very hard for me. Especially talking about my feelings to pdoc. I also don't know if it would help me.

[nutters]

Really relieved my T didn't have any reaction to it. T said it's really common and I think I'm not going to get away with just this once talking about it. T said it should be explored more but I really don't think there's much there.

It's too bad people get terminated for this, I'm guessing because their T is really not comfortable or has no experience with it whatsoever. Mine seemed casual about it so I think I'm lucky to have a T who hasn't freaked out. I am nervous about my next session though, I know T will bring it up. I've wanted a hug but I don't dare even ask for that after letting the ET out of the bag. I think I will ask my T to ask questions and I'll answer them because I don't know where to go from here.

[Tearinyourhand]

my T has been really good about transference. he thinks it's terrible therapists terminate because they are unable to contain their clients' feelings. I haven't really wanted to talk about it but he says all my feelings are welcome and most sessions I'm able to feel his care and observe what unmet needs the transference is bringing to the surface.