[heda]

Hey everyone,

I've been seeing my T for almost five months now and I'm 100% open to her about everything going on with my life. I started seeing her for classroom anxiety and from there our sessions were more of a how my week has been sort of sessions. We were able to hit some hard stuff that involved my family, college friends, and my well being. I've always been open to her about everything I say and I don't hold back.

I'm a gay female so I sort of knew when I had my first session with her, feelings could occur. I did worry that I was alone feeling this way towards my T, but thankfully through the power of Google, I found some resources and also you all and realized I was not alone. Last week was when I found you guys and my session was about several days later.

Our session started out like all the others - whatever is happening thats bothering me that week, that's our topic, but that small topic slowly died and for the first time, there was a silence. I asked what transference was and I was really glad she laughed - a lot of our sessions are joking/laughing to lighten the mood.

She pushed me to ask me why I knew the word and what I was looking up and as much as I wanted to just stop right there, I'm happy I bit the bullet and told her that I have feelings for her. That session was majority of her making sense of what my transference was and she pushed a lot of answers from me until I ran out of answers for her. **Throughout the session she did mention if I wanted to stop and change the subject I could.

During the session she did push answers out of me that involved both of us. I told her that I didn't want to think of it because of the boundary. She asked me if I wanted to know her thoughts but I declined. Throughout the session she did thank me for telling her. I feel really safe with my T and I'm very glad I didn't keep it to myself any longer.

I believe my next session will be me further discussing the things I didn't have answers for at the time.

I just wanted to post here for those looking for examples of patients telling their T's.

Thanks for sharing your positive experience. You were really brave to talk to your T about this, and it seems like she handled it really well. It sounds like you have a great therapeutic relationship!

[ScottJ33]

Hi.

Well done for bringing this up with her, I know its not easy, but now its open, your be able to get help dealing with your transference which by the sounds of it she is willing to do. Your certainly not alone, and as you have found there are many who have feelings towards their therapist.

Having knowledge about whats going on helps you ask the right questions. I wish you all the best.

[BudFox]

Did she disclose how she works with this sort of thing, what to expect, or even why it is a good thing that you have developed feelings for her? Hate to be the bringer of doom, but I wonder also in these situations to what extent the T is intoxicated by the flattery and might start feeding off it.

[WrkNPrgress]

This is awesome. THANK YOU for sharing your positive experience. It's encouraging and heartening to hear a good experience.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by BudFox

Did she disclose how she works with this sort of thing, what to expect, or even why it is a good thing that you have developed feelings for her? Hate to be the bringer of doom, but I wonder also in these situations to what extent the T is intoxicated by the flattery and might start feeding off it.

Forgive me, No offense intended but the word "feeding" has a very negative connotation and it feels inappropriate to apply to someone else's positive experience .This is an account is a great of example of a "transference" session handled perfectly well.

First of all , It doesn't really matter what the T feels about only inasmuch as it affect the client. A T can feel what they want about a client. The point here is the this T made the CLIENT feel better about it all, which is the T's job.

I'm concerned that posting "Doom and Gloom" questions presuming sinister motives of any given Therapist, when nothing in the OP's T implies that perspective, could discourage other people from sharing their own needs when they want to.

Transference, feelings, etc happen in Therapy. I dont' see any reason to assume the worse of every T out there. It's my belief that, despite the stories heard here, most Ts are good at handling it, as they should be.

[heda]

Originally Posted by BudFox

Did she disclose how she works with this sort of thing, what to expect, or even why it is a good thing that you have developed feelings for her? Hate to be the bringer of doom, but I wonder also in these situations to what extent the T is intoxicated by the flattery and might start feeding off it.

I'm happy you bring this up. I had my following session yesterday. After our last session and yesterday's she was able to figure out my transference was reflecting of my ex-girlfriend. She showed no indications of being "intoxicated" by the flattery or even feeding off of it. In fact, I feel as though it was the complete opposite. Our session yesterday had her further try to understand my feelings towards her and we were able to both work out an issue I have when it comes to relationships - whether friend, family, or romantic. Not sure if it's entirely related to the transference, but it only helped hit the harder stuff.

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

Forgive me, No offense intended but the word "feeding" has a very negative connotation and it feels inappropriate to apply to someone else's positive experience .This is an account is a great of example of a "transference" session handled perfectly well.

First of all , It doesn't really matter what the T feels about only inasmuch as it affect the client. A T can feel what they want about a client. The point here is the this T made the CLIENT feel better about it all, which is the T's job.

I'm concerned that posting "Doom and Gloom" questions presuming sinister motives of any given Therapist, when nothing in the OP's T implies that perspective, could discourage other people from sharing their own needs when they want to.

Transference, feelings, etc happen in Therapy. I dont' see any reason to assume the worse of every T out there. It's my belief that, despite the stories heard here, most Ts are good at handling it, as they should be.

I mentioned in my first post that I felt safe with my T and I stand by that. I had a negative experience with a T prior to her two years ago at my university that made me brush therapy as an option altogether. My T has not made me feel uncomfortable. When she needed to say something that she believe would make me feel uncomfortable or even insult me, she would give me a warning before she would give her opinion on some of the issues we have worked on during therapy.

As curious as I am on her opinions of me, that is in the back of my mind and we're currently working on another topic that has taken priority before the semester finishes in six weeks.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

I'm concerned that posting "Doom and Gloom" questions presuming sinister motives of any given Therapist, when nothing in the OP's T implies that perspective, could discourage other people from sharing their own needs when they want to.

There is nothing sinister in a T becoming intoxicated by flattery. It's a normal human response. But it could begin to break down their objectivity.

In discussions like these I rarely see people urging any sort of caution. People are encouraged to just go with it, ask no questions, trust implicitly. Isn't healthy skepticism rather important in a situation like this?

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by BudFox

There is nothing sinister in a T becoming intoxicated by flattery. It's a normal human response. But it could begin to break down their objectivity.

In discussions like these I rarely see people urging any sort of caution. People are encouraged to just go with it, ask no questions, trust implicitly. Isn't healthy skepticism rather important in a situation like this?

Forgive me if I read too much into your question. I just don't see where "skepticism" is necessary in this thread at this point. Yes, an aware and questioning mind is good, but I just respectfully disagree that the terms, "feeding" and "intoxicated" do not carry negative connotations. To me, it implies something predatory and out-of-control, wherein the client is a passive victim. I do agree that any therapist my be flattered, moved, and otherwise affected by a client's admission of positive transference and that's perfectly human. If handled correctly and mindfully it can be a good thing for the relationship on both sides.

I don't disagree that these kinds of things happen. I can be a big a skeptic as anyone. We've read plenty of cases here but I've seen so many people dealing with and advocating the discussion of transference, it's just really nice to see a post with positive results and would hate that to have that idea mitigated right off the bat.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

Forgive me if I read too much into your question. I just don't see where "skepticism" is necessary in this thread at this point.

True maybe it is not the right thread for it. Sometimes when I see a thread about "transference" that is one-sided, I cant help saying something, having been in a similar situation as the OP and getting totally destroyed in the process. I just wonder whether the person has been cautioned at all by anyone.

[heda]

Originally Posted by BudFox

True maybe it is not the right thread for it. Sometimes when I see a thread about "transference" that is one-sided, I cant help saying something, having been in a similar situation as the OP and getting totally destroyed in the process. I just wonder whether the person has been cautioned at all by anyone.

You're the first (minus articles I read - never anything about after you tell your T) so I really appreciate your caution. I think it's a well-needed caution because I really never know.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by heda

You're the first (minus articles I read - never anything about after you tell your T) so I really appreciate your caution. I think it's a well-needed caution because I really never know.

I hear you. I was encouraged to see the whole thing as normal, even routine. The client divulges intense feelings for a relative stranger, then some process that is never defined takes over and away you go, and it's assumed to be healthy. And yet when I looked into it more critically, I found that much of this stuff is wildly speculative.

Anyway, this is just my point of view. There are success stories, hope yours is one of them. Sounds like it is going ok so far.