[ramonajones]

A couple months ago, I told my therapist about my ET and it was really uncomfortable and we didn't really talk about it very much and I definitely don't want to bring it up again. I feel uncomfortable that he knows now and I try not to think about it.

I've been seeing a second therapist because I got so stuck in therapy with the first one--probably partially because of the ET, and now I find myself super attracted to my SECOND therapist.

Obviously this says something about me and the way that I relate to men. But what is it? Just that my dad didn't pay enough attention to me?

Hi ramona,

I remember your earlier posts about the first therapist. Just curiosity: did you actually choose the second T (at least in part) driven by a desire that you wanted to work with someone you find attractive on a personal level? Was the new attraction there from start, were you aware of it? Or it developed later?

I am asking because I have been experiencing that with my current therapist. I very consciously chose him because I wanted to work with someone I felt drawn to in similar ways I typically feel drawn to men. My former T wasn't like that, more the opposite. And now I am taking advantage of my attraction, it has become essential part of the therapy in a few ways. Not the actual physical part, but the rest of it, the mental components. I find it very beneficial. Yes, the big question is "what is it"? When I was able to find a deep and meaningful answer to this question in my case, that was when the real great work started... it's kinda put my whole life experience in a fresh perspective and took my awareness to a whole new level. Of course it can be unpleasant at times but I am able to not focus on that but on the helpful work that includes using my transference to overcome some significant emotional roadblocks.

Perhaps it's that your dad did not pay enough attention to you, or something entirely different. For me, there are many similarities in how I saw my father and this therapist, but for me it's not attention that is the key element but some of the features that I perceive they share, and how that is important for me in myself and my own life, and yet I denied it for a very long time. So now trying not to deny/avoid that much but recognize it's an essential element of my value system and can be a great source of satisfaction in my life if I integrate and use it constructively. Of course, the satisfaction won't be obtained from gratifying an erotic or romantic desire from my T but from fulfilling the need it represents in own life. So my attraction to my T has really become a tool, and with this, I find that it does not cause me suffering as I focus on realistic goals.

But again, the "what is it" was the million dollar question for me. And it wasn't what I originally thought it was.

[ramonajones]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

Hi ramona,

I remember your earlier posts about the first therapist. Just curiosity: did you actually choose the second T (at least in part) driven by a desire that you wanted to work with someone you find attractive on a personal level? Was the new attraction there from start, were you aware of it? Or it developed later?

I am asking because I have been experiencing that with my current therapist. I very consciously chose him because I wanted to work with someone I felt drawn to in similar ways I typically feel drawn to men. My former T wasn't like that, more the opposite. And now I am taking advantage of my attraction, it has become essential part of the therapy in a few ways. Not the actual physical part, but the rest of it, the mental components. I find it very beneficial. Yes, the big question is "what is it"? When I was able to find a deep and meaningful answer to this question in my case, that was when the real great work started... it's kinda put my whole life experience in a fresh perspective and took my awareness to a whole new level. Of course it can be unpleasant at times but I am able to not focus on that but on the helpful work that includes using my transference to overcome some significant emotional roadblocks.

Perhaps it's that your dad did not pay enough attention to you, or something entirely different. For me, there are many similarities in how I saw my father and this therapist, but for me it's not attention that is the key element but some of the features that I perceive they share, and how that is important for me in myself and my own life, and yet I denied it for a very long time. So now trying not to deny/avoid that much but recognize it's an essential element of my value system and can be a great source of satisfaction in my life if I integrate and use it constructively. Of course, the satisfaction won't be obtained from gratifying an erotic or romantic desire from my T but from fulfilling the need it represents in own life. So my attraction to my T has really become a tool, and with this, I find that it does not cause me suffering as I focus on realistic goals.

But again, the "what is it" was the million dollar question for me. And it wasn't what I originally thought it was.

I didn't even really "choose" T2--my psychiatrist strongly encouraged me to see him because he felt like I wasn't getting enough help from T1. I had absolutely ZERO attraction to him for the first couple of sessions--and actually found him super dorky--it was just the last couple of sessions that I actually started to feel something. He is very kind and gentle as is my T1 and my dad was quite the opposite, so I suppose the attraction has something to do with what I was missing out on as a child.