Do Ts Understand How Painful ET Is?

I meant that all psychoanalysts go through this training when they are trained at a proper institution authorized by IPA. I meant that there is one group of therapists - psychoanalysts.

Thanks, feileacan...I do agree w/you that they seem to be somewhat out of fashion. If I were to guess, I would say that the insurance industry has some influence, not wanting to pay for lengthy therapies. That, however, does a disservice to clients who suffer from attachment disorders in adulthood. Going through the attachment and possibly ET might be the best way to heal the damage done earlier. Just my thought...

I think a therapist might not get it, but also simply might not care, at least not in a way that is commensurate with the strength of the feelings.

I imagine to many therapists clients are an abstraction. Each client is one of many. Each is seen for only a short period, then another walks in. It's a job. The therapist has other priorities, other people they truly care about.

But meanwhile a client caught in of these infatuations might be spilling their guts out, totally consumed, and thus is expecting something meaningful to come back. For me this was a nightmare come to life.

I don't think that ET is equally painful, or even painful at all, for everyone. Probably depends what's driving it.

As far as therapists really knowing, I imagine that having had training helps some, certainly better than nothing. What I believe though is that having experienced it first hand is what can really make someone understand it (any type of transference really) in an emotional way. I don't think that every T even in long psychoanalytic training experienced it, and some people (I consider myself one) did outside of therapy, in other areas of life/relationships, and can have a closer sympathy than those with no personal experience.

There is also the time effect probably: if a T dealt with it personally years or even decades ago, the memory of the emotional struggle may not be as vivid for many people.

Anyone who dealt with a serious and dramatic ET - would not forget how intense it was, even decades later. The problem may be that there are different degrees of ET's and people who have experienced very mild or near non-existent ET's might be quick to assume that all ET's are that minimal. Truth is, if you've ever been in a really powerful ET, it's not something that time could ever fade. I will be forever sympathetic to how all-consuming ET's can be. Maybe the mild ones aren't even really ET? Or maybe the really powerful ones aren't ET? Who knows.... but comparing the mild to the powerful is like comparing apples to apes.

I realize this is a little late for this thread, but I asked my T if they truly did not understand why having erotic/sexual feelings for their T is painful? Answer: I understand that maybe the feelings would be frustrating, but not painful.

Hurumph. That's puzzling for me. Do Ts not think that clients want more in the relationship, regardless of the fact they know it's out of bounds? This is something I'll tell T when we meet again. Wonder what T will say.......

Hi UglyDucky, I know its hard when you don't feel heard

I guess the word pain means different things to different people. Some people would say it only refers to physical pain, like a headache. Perhaps your T is taking the word quite literally.

Or perhaps your T is trying to reframe your feelings by giving it a different word. Mine does this a lot to me. It annoys me a bit as it can seem a bit invalidating but I understand why they do this - (to help you see things in a different way)

this sounds very invalidating to me. i do wonder how much your T truely understands what is at the core of ET...