finally out

after years of being abused (i still hate using that word to describe it, but i'm learning slowly it really was abuse) by my T, i finally got out. i gave him a letter at the end of a session explaining it all...kind of. i kind of bull****ed it and made it seem like i just needed to move on instead of making it about him hurting me. i made it clear that i was done, though. a day later he texted me saying "we have a lot to discuss monday young lady". i said no.

i'm done. i'm not letting him get what he wants anymore. i'm speaking up and getting help. there's still a lot of damage control to be dealt with, but i finally feel safe.

i don't think i'd have been able to do it without some of you on here. hearing some of your stories about how you have escaped abuse has given me the courage to, also. and having support has been so helpful. i appreciate every single one of you!!!

I am glad to hear you are done with him. Good job standing up for yourself when he tried to tell you what to do. You don't owe him anything.

I'm so pleased to read this, and so impressed that you've managed to get away. I hope the process of separating from him is as painless as possible... you know we'll be here when it's difficult. Do you have other people who can support you through this in your life?

You are incredibly strong and brave. I am so proud of you! Seeing you stand up for yourself and make this decision is really helping me stay strong in my own decision. Thank you for sharing your strength.

Please keep coming here for support; we will be here to cheer you on!

You are amazing!! I am so glad you are speaking up and getting help. Keep us posted, if you like.

Such a breath of fresh air to read on this forum! Please keep it going and post updates, I am sure many would highly appreciate the inspiration

I'm very proud of you! I hope you can continue to stay strong.

HUGE congratulations. It is such a horribly hard road to escape from this horrible people. You should feel REALLY good about yourself.

i discovered that learning how to leave ex-T and actually following through with it was an empowering and massive healing moment in my own journey. i hope that you will experince similar. big high five to you for taking a stand and having a voice.

Hi hislua, it's been almost a week and I want to see how you're doing? Has it gotten easier or harder as the days go by? Do you have a new therapist to help you through the transition?

hi people!

i want to first say thanks to everyone for the love. i have been doing well. when i made this decision i expect the worst. i really believed i was going to have my worst breakdown yet. that surprisingly didn't happen. turns out, i'm thriving. like...manic thriving. maybe it's not the best thing, but i think it's how my mind is trying to cope without having to be hospitalized again (i'm going away to college in a week and CANNOT relapse, i tell myself).

so i'm doing good. i don't feel very different because i haven't totally accepted what has happened. i'm just living my life not even thinking about it. even if i try to i can't. my brain doesn't let me.

i don't know exactly what to make of how i'm dealing with it, but maybe that's okay. maybe i'm actually alright. i cut somebody out of my life who has costed me so much of my time, energy, and innocence honestly. i love him (loved him?) so much, but i feel a large weight lifted off of my shoulders that i didn't even always know was there in the first place.

sorry for rambling! as for future plans, i am going to get a new counselor. i don't want to, as i'm feeling pretty traumatized at the moment and the word "therapist" makes me sick, but because of my diagnoses my parents and psychiatrist think it's appropriate, which i understand. hopefully i can process all of this safely and get some help for other issues in my life that i was unable to talk to my ex-T about (my eating disorder, gender identity, sexuality). as for "taking action", i don't want to do anything right now. i am told that i might want to file a lawsuit or just report it to his licensing board, but at the moment i don't think i can. i still feel like it was my fault and am in denial a lot about him being a bad guy. he loved me after all...NOT. i have a lot of mixed emotions as you may be able to tell. happiness...sadness...anger...humor? hey, we all cope differently.

again, thanks to everyone on here. if you're questioning whether or not you're being abused by a professional, maybe check this checklist out. it's what i used and made me really realize...yikes. this is bad.

sending you all good vibes