[Just42day]

HI everyone. English is not my first (or even second) language so sorry for spelling mistakes.
My name is Anna I'm 27 years old and going to a therapy to this gorgeous blue eye therapist (women ) for over an year. Im totally obsessed about her and don't know what to do about this passion anymore. I talked to her about that and asked her to reveal her feelings in order to crush any expectations that something will ever happen between us but she wouldn't tell me how she feels about me. Weirdly, regarding the fact she's married for 20 years I really feel that she does have attraction towards me and I can't just ignore it. Now I'm starting to feel unbearable jealousy towards her really ugly husband I'm feeling sick with the idea that she's having sex with him. I'm really discussed by it and don't know what to do with it. I obsessively Google her and her husband trying to find out at forums what are the chances for couple married 20 years have a disent sex life. I feel that she in a sadistic way enjoys me suffering. In the past a had counslers that I was getting a vibe from them that they want me and eventually we slept together what make my obssesion magicly vanish. And know I feel the same with her. I feel I loosing my mind and just want to know if she's also wants me. Im thinking about replace therapist lately but don't have the balls to do it. But I can't stay in this obssesion either. In the last couple mounth I don't talk to her and resent her and just thinking how can she sleep with this uglyass man, and not with me? (I didn't tell her that) so please just tell me what to do? To demend an answer from her about her feelings or just leave the therapy? It consuming me and I can't bare this pain anymore. Thank you......

[maybeblue]

I would say that you should switch therapists. The fact that she refused to tell you that she does not have feelings for you is a big red flag. It seems like she could be leading you on. There are really good reasons for not having any sort of sexual relationship with clients...mostly because it is always the client that gets hurt.

You are already being hurt by her not responding to your attraction appropriately. She should have said that while she appreciates your attraction, and your feelings are normal, she can not and will not ever have a sexual relationship with you.

[Ididitmyway]

I agree with maybeblue. I think, you should see a new therapist. This one is not responding to your feelings appropriately, in a professional manner.

[Friendlyfire]

That's s super unprofessional and quite dangerous, actually.
It's normal for patients to project their feelings towards the therapist, but both you and her have tombe willing to overcome this in order for the therapy to work!
I had a T once, and I thought he was interested in me because ONCE after a very hard session, he touched my ARM. Years later I understand it was all in my head, and I am pretty sure he is even gay. But we see what we want to see, or sometimes, what we need to see, to feel that we have some worth and that maybe, that person that knows everything from you, your deepest fears and thoughts, maybe this person can love you for who you are and help you, like a prince in a white horse. But that is not possible, and nor is the reason why anyone should go to therapy.
I hope you can overcome this.
Good luck.

[TeaVicar?]

I will go against the grain here and disagree with the 2 comments above. I don't think her reaction is necessarily a red flag. It could be simply that she is trying to respond in the kindest way she can i.e. she can't reciprocate your feelings and if she out-right rejects them/you, she runs the risk of stopping or blocking the exploration of your feelings. Did she ask you to elaborate or did she seem awkward and change the subject?

There seems to be a taboo on here about therapists having feelings for their clients. I can't see anyway for therapy to work without the therapist also having feelings... love, hate, jealousy etc. So it's quite possible she does feel something for you, she might even fancy you but if she is a good therapist, she won't act out on it.

[TeaVicar?]

also, it might help to talk about the feelings. What is the pain about and how does it feel? I hope you manage to work through it. I can empathise with how painful it is.

[Just42day]

Thnx u 4 the comments guys I went to see another therapist yesterday in order to get some advice about what my next step should be. And she basically said the our therapy is stuck and I should tell her everything thing I feel in the most honest way possible. That we need to take a few meetings and just to discuss if it's possible for us to continue the therapy and if she can handle it. She also told that because this issue is so powerful in my head Im projecting it towards her and I could be wrong abut it. And it's very important for her to make the boundaries very conclusive! Not to say for example: "nothing is not going to happen between us" to say nothing is not going to happen between us cause I'm not attracted to u" and yes it might heart but it's better then living in some sick fantasy.....regarding your questions she never seemed to be emberessed when I talk to her about that, nit even when I mentioned that her husband is ugly and I find understand how can she touch him (and not me) also this trancferense it's apperently a way to sabotage the therapy...so I guess I have no choice. .I'll talk to her next week and hopefully there will be some progress cause it's really absourd that I need to go to another therapist in order to talk about mine....thank you again for the support! !!

[Moment]

I just wanted to say that, if in the past you have had counselors who slept with you, then they abused your trust and acted unprofessionally and I am sorry. Therapists/counselors are not supposed to be sexual with their clients. It is entirely the therapist's responsibility to ensure that nothing happens.

I don't know what is going on with your therapist now. Perhaps your therapist doesn't reveal her feelings because either way it is bad for you. If she said she was attracted to you, that would feel almost incestuous. If she said she was not attracted, that would be a rejection. Many therapists prefer to say nothing.

You say you are "obsessed" with her and it is an interesting word. If you were not thinking about the therapist in a sexual way, what would you be thinking about in your life? Do you think the only kind of love or caring that is possible is sexual? Do you think all you have to offer another person is your sexuality?

Let me just repeat again that sexual things should never happen between client and therapist. Clients can talk about it, and even reveal their feelings towards the therapist. But nothing should ever happen and it is the therapist's responsibility to make sure nothing happens. I hope your therapist is good for you in this way and can help you work through these feelings.